B-Sides: I’m Dreaming of a Quickening

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Was it all just a bad dream? Nope. I’m afraid Highlander 2: The Quickening actually happened. You know a movie exists in a special stratosphere of bad when the filmmakers spend years releasing alternate versions designed to convince us its immortal badness wasn’t their fault.

I’ll never forget sitting in a theater on opening weekend and staring at the screen in disbelief at what I was seeing. I’ll never forget hearing the disgust in the voice of the man sitting behind me, unable to contain his one disdain the moments the words “Planet Zeist” appeared on the screen.

Cackling alien hitmen with porcupine hairdos, winged backpacks, and hover skates flying (on very visible wires) after Christopher Lambert.

An energy shield surrounding the Earth that cannot be shut off because somehow there isn’t enough energy on the planet to use the off switch – the hell?

Michael Ironside apparently spent hundreds of years sitting around worried that two exiled rebels with no way of coming back to dethrone him might somehow come back so he zaps himself to where they are to pick a fight they had no interest in.

Michael Ironside and Sean Connery both playing characters brand new to this 21st century world yet still using very modern pop culture phrases and references they should have no knowledge of.

One could just go on and on and on about what a monumentally stupid movie Highlander 2: The Quickening was and continues to be, despite the best efforts of the filmmakers to try and polish a turn with various director’s cuts and “renegade editions”.

But, hey, at least the music was fairly decent.

Former Foreigner frontman Lou Gramm provided the title track to the Highlander II soundtrack. The song is titled “One Dream,” and it’s actually pretty good for a late Eighties/early Nineties power ballad. “One Dream” is this weekend’s B-Sides. Highlander II: The Quickening remains an enduring nightmare.

bsides - B-Sides: I'm Dreaming of a Quickening

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Written by Steve Barton

You're such an inspiration for the ways that I will never, ever choose to be.

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