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Bram Stoker’s Way Of The Vampire (2005)



Starring Rhett Giles, Andreas Beckett, Denise Boutte, Paul Logan

Directed by Sarah Nean Bruce and Eduardo Durao

You know that old saying about how certain things being a dime a dozen. In the case of direct-to-video vampire movies, they’re a nickel a gross. Is there any single genre that has been done to death more than the vampire genre? The fact that vampire flicks are usually so cheap to produce makes it easy for them to get made, which in turn ups the ratio of good vampire movies to really, really bad vampire movies in the favor of the exceptionally sucky ones. Having sat through the abysmal Reign in Darkness and the damn near intolerable Frost: Portrait of a Vampire I can honestly say that my patience for such low budget vampire films has become so low that when I see a new direct-to-video vampire movie at the video store I barely give it a thought before moving on. Nonetheless, I decided to give Bram Stoker’s Way of the Vampire a try and much to my surprise, it turned out to be a halfway decent entry in this overdone genre.

Late 1800’s, Abraham Van Helsing sets out for one final showdown with Dracula, who is played by a guy that looks more like the kind of studly Dracula they would have cast on the soap opera Port Charles than the European count Bram Stoker conceived. While he’s off having his final showdown with the Lord of the Vampires, it turns out the man Van Helsing left behind to protect his wife was actually a vampire prince named Sebastian. He seduces her, feeds on her, and ultimately turns her into a vampire, whom Van Helsing is forced to kill. In order to save her immortal soul from eternal damnation, Van Helsing makes a pact with the Knights Templar to become immortal himself and will never be allowed into the kingdom of Heaven until he rids the world of all of the remaining vampire princes. Not all vampires mind you, just the really important ones.

Now in modern day Los Angeles…

Uh, the movie is called Bram Stoker’s Way of the Vampire. Did Bram Stoker back in the late 1800’s write a vampire tale set in 21st century California? I’m going to take a wild guess and say this movie isn’t really based on any of Stoker’s writing but they decided to slap his name on the title since it’s marketable and justify it because the film features characters he created. Well, it has a character he created. I don’t count Dracula since he gets killed off in the muddled prologue that opens the film, and in a most unspectacular fashion considering he is supposed to be the ultimate vampire. It’s so unspectacular that I honestly kept waiting for him to show back up again before the end of the movie. He doesn’t.

Anyway, it is now modern L.A. and Van Helsing is working undercover as a hematologist in a big city hospital. If you’re looking for vampires I guess it helps to work in and around blood. From the looks of things, his game plan is to continue working in the hospital and wait until vampire bite victims start showing up in the ER giving him leads to go on. That doesn’t really strike me as an effective preventative strategy to hunt down vampires.

Meanwhile, the vampires have become a sad lot forced to live like homeless drug addicts due to a combination of lack of leadership and fear of Van Helsing. That all changes when the bootylicious Nubian vampiress Arianna gives the ailing vampire prince Sebastian a good pep talk and a wee bit of blood to get his, well, blood pumping. Before you know it, Sebastian is growling like a werewolf to alert vampires everywhere else that he is back in charge of them and giving football coach-like pep talks about how it is their time again. He also begins dressing like a maestro. Taking a cue from their suddenly revitalized and flamboyant leader, the vampires begin to kill people at random while Arianna plots to do in Van Helsing. Sebastian would be on top of the whole kill Van Helsing thing himself if not for the pile of naked women currently on top of him for an orgy that seems to go on for days.

It isn’t long before the first vampire victim, a prostitute in the process of becoming a vampire herself, turns up at the hospital and Dr. Van Helsing proceeds to do away with her in a manner that makes one wonder how he could possibly explain her demise to hospital administration. He then visits the local Catholic priest and explains his situation via a series of flashbacks. It appears the whole vampires exist deal is common knowledge in the Catholic Church because the priest doesn’t bat an eye when being told any of this. Van Helsing needs some volunteer vampire hunters and the church provides them in the form of a group of random people that all look like they showed up to audition for a deodorant commercial but would up getting recruited to hunt Nosferatu instead.

I know I’ve spent much of this review so far ridiculing its cheesy nature, but the truth is that an honest effort was clearly made to tell an actual story and even develop a few characters, namely Van Helsing, Sebastian, and Arianna. Rhett Giles as Van Helsing is so reminiscent of Alexis Denisoff’s Wesley towards the end run of “Angel” that it’s almost uncanny at times, and Andreas Beckett’s Sebastian is amusingly over the top, sort of like a pro wrestling version of Lestat. Denise Boutte’s Arianna comes across like a Buffy villain, especially during the big battle where she promptly rips off her dress to reveal her skintight leather fighting gear. Even the overall quality of the acting here is surprisingly good save for one or two characters. That’s a rare thing indeed.

Don’t get me wrong; there are plenty of complaints and frustrations to go around. The film practically comes to a halt while we are treated to a series of lengthy vignettes of Van Helsing training these novice vampire hunters, most of which are played for laughs even though they aren’t even remotely funny. The movie would have been much better off if it had just stuck to dealing with him as the lone vampire hunter. The vampires’ plot against Van Helsing involving taking his girlfriend hostage would have worked better if I had actually been aware that female nurse was supposed to be his love interest, a fact I was unaware of until the vampires said so. And outside of the three main characters, none of the other characters are given anything even resembling character development or at the very least a distinct personality.

Oh yeah, my biggest frustration goes out to either the filmmakers’ that could use a few audio lessons or the people that authored the DVD because the dialogue track was several notches lower than the rest of the film’s audio. I had to crank up the volume real loud just to hear what was being said, and even then I still couldn’t make out certain lines. This also became annoying when the sound effects or the score got loud and would be blasting because I had to turn the volume up real high in the first place. Not cool, folks. Not cool at all.

In the end, Bram Stoker’s Way of the Vampire isn’t completely satisfying but still blows away the majority of the vampire flicks turning up on video store shelves these days. It may have been too ambitious for its meager budget and really could have used one more rewrite to flesh things out a bit more, but I’ve seen so many godawful low budget vampire flicks and Buffy/Blade rip-offs that Bram Stoker’s Way of the Vampire almost seems like a minor triumph just for being as enjoyable as it is despite its numerous problems.

2 ½ out of 5

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Through the Cracks – Trick or Treat (1986) Review



Starring Marc Price, Tony Fields, Lisa Orgolini, Glen Morgan, Gene Simmons, and Ozzy Osbourne

Directed by Charles Martin Smith

I have been a horror fan for more than half of my life at this point. Meaning I have seen most of the quality horror offerings under the sun. But that said, every once in awhile a classic sneaks past so we wanted to create this “Through the Cracks” review section for such films.

Case in point, I had never seen the Halloween horror flick Trick or Treat until last night. I know, right? How the hell did that happen? But these things do happen and so for everyone that has seen the flick a million times, this will be a review of the movie from a super horror fan that – at the age of 33 – is seeing Trick or Treat for the very first time.

Now let’s get to it.

First off you have to love the movie’s plot. Mixing horror and heavy metal seems like a given, yet preciously few films Frankenstein these two great tastes together.

Like many of you out there, I am a big metal fan as well as a big horror fan. The two seem to go together like chocolate and peanut butter. Or Jason and horny campers.

I dig bands like Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, and even those hair metal bands (Dokken forever!) and I’m well aware of the legends surrounding playing these records backward.

Off the top of my head, the only other flick that combines the two to this degree is the (relatively) recent horror-comedy Deathgasm. I say more horror-metal flicks! Or should we call it Metal-Horror? Yeah, that’s a much more metal title.

It only makes sense that someone, somewhere would take the idea of “What if Ozzy Osbourne really was evil and came back from the dead (you know, if he had passed away during his heyday) to torment a loner fan?” Great premise for a movie!

And Trick or Treat delivers on the promise of this premise in spades. Sammi Curr is an epic hybrid of the best of the best metal frontmen and his resurrection via speaker is one of the great horror birthing scenes I have seen in all my years.

Add to that the film feels like a lost entry in the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise. More specifically the film feels like it would fit snugly in between two of my favorite entries in that series, Dream Warriors and The Dream Master.

This movie is 80’s as all f*ck and I loved every minute of it.

And speaking of how this film brought other minor classics to the forefront of my brain, let’s talk about the film’s central villain, Sammi Curr. This guy looks like he could share an epic horror band with the likes of Mary Lou from Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II and the Drill Killer rocker from Slumber Party Massacre Part II.

Picture that band for a moment and tell me they aren’t currently playing the most epic set in Hell as we speak. I say let’s see an Avengers-style series of films based on these minor horror icons sharing the stage and touring the country’s high school proms!

In the end Trick or Treat has more than it’s fair share of issues. Sammi Curr doesn’t enter the film until much too late and is dispatched way too easily. Water? Really? That’s it?

That said, the film is still a blast as director Charles Martin Smith keeps the movie rocking like an 80’s music video with highlights being Sammi’s rock show massacre at the prom and his final assault on our hero teens in the family bathroom.

Rockstar lighting for days.

Even though the film has issues (zero blood, a rushed ending) none of that mattered much to this horror hound as the film was filled to the brim with striking horror/metal imagery and a killer soundtrack via Fastway and composer Christopher Young.

Plus you’ve got to love the cameos by Gene Simmons (boy, his character just dropped right out of the movie, huh?) and Ozzy Osbourne as a mad-as-hell Preacher that isn’t going to take any more of this devil music. P.S. Watch for the post-credits tag.

More than a few of my closest horror buddies have this film placed high on their annual Halloween must-watch lists. And after (finally) viewing the film for myself, I think I just may have to add the film to mine as well. Preferably on VHS.

Trick or Treat is an 80’s horror classic. If you dig films like Popcornand if you put the film off like I did, remedy that tonight and slap a copy in the old VHS/DVD player.

Just don’t play it backward… God knows what could happen.

All said and done, I enjoyed the hell out of my first viewing of Trick or Treat. But what do YOU think of the film? Make sure to hit us up and let us know below or on social media!

Now bring on Trick or Treat 2: The Prom Band from Hell, featuring Sammi Curr, Mary Lou Maloney, and Atanas Ilitch’s Driller Killer from Slumber Party Massacre Part II!

  • Trick or Treat (1986) 3.5


Charles Martin Smith’s Trick or Treat is a sure-fire Halloween treat for fans of 80’s horror flicks, as well as fans of heavy metal music.

User Rating 3.25 (12 votes)
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AHS: Cult Review – Clowns, Cults, Politics, and Peters



Starring Evan Peters, Sarah Paulson, Billie Lourd, Cheyenne Jackson, Frances Conroy, Mare Winningham, and Allison Pill

Created by Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk


It’s here. We’ve reached the end. The newest season of “American Horror Story” has ended and now we are here to provide you guys with our season review of AHS: Cult.

Spoiler free.

To start things off let me say I’m not the world’s biggest fan of “American Horror Story”. It breaks down like this: I enjoyed the absolute hell out of the first season of the series (“Murder House”), couldn’t get through “Asylum” (I know, I know, I’ve tried), dug “Coven” for what it was, really enjoyed “Freak Show”, and again I couldn’t get into “Hotel” or “Roanoke”.

That’s the story of me and “American Horror Story”. Plain And simple. But what did I think of the new seventh season of the notorious horror anthology series? Let’s find out.

Back when the seventh season of AHS was first announced (then going by the title “AHS: Election”) I was immediately intrigued by the new season because I heard it would not include any supernatural elements. Like the fourth season, “Freak Show”.

Now I’m a fan of ghosts and weird creature-men with drills for d*cks, don’t get me wrong. But the series has thus far relied almost exclusively on horrors of the supernatural variety (other than “Freak Show”) so this major change of pace was again welcomed by this guy.

Instead of vampires, aliens, and witches this season relied on terrors of the mind. Psychological fears and anxieties. The horrors man does to man. Deep issues.

Oh, and clowns. Like a lot of clowns.

But just because this new season didn’t include anything supernatural, that doesn’t mean the 11-episode season wasn’t filled with twisted visuals and horrifically disturbing acts. No, sir. This season boasted some showstoppers including S&M, gimps, and a house of horrors that wouldn’t be out of place in a Rob Zombie flick. It was all good.

But let’s backtrack a bit here.

Allow me to rundown the season’s plot for those who may be unaware. “AHS: Cult” tells the tale of a world post-election night. The literal dawn of Trump’s America. In one corner we have Sarah Paulson’s soccer mom, trying to fight through life with a series of crippling phobias (including clowns, holes, blood, and being a good person).

And in the other corner, we have Evan Peter’s angry, white (blue-haired) male, looking to seize Trump’s new position of power to bring about the end of… Actually, I want this to be a spoiler-free season review, so I’m just going to say the dude’s got big plans.

Like Manson-size plans. Let’s leave it at that.

With these two characters established, the new season then proceeds to send them spiraling into a collision course of political sabotage, intrigue, and clown-based nope, nope, nope-ing that can only end with one – or both – of them dead as Dillinger.

Overall “AHS: Cult” belonged end-to-end to Mr. Evan Peters. The young actor has continued to show his striking range from season to season of Ryan Murphy’s horror show and this season was no different. Peters’ turn as not only Kai, the blue-haired leader of the titular cult, but as infamous leaders such as David Koresh, Jim Jones, and Charles Manson – to name a few – owed this season.

I can only hope he doesn’t pull a Jessica Lange and opt-out of more AHS next year.

Speaking of top performances, “AHS: Cult ” showcases some other chilling and memorable turns with Alison Pill’s strangely vulnerable, put-upon wife character being the best next to Peters in my eyes. This actress needs to be in more films/TV!

Along with Pill, actress Billie Lourd killed it time and time again. The “Scream Queens” breakout star and Carrie Fisher spawn was yet again a highlight in her second Ryan Murphy series. Bet she has the starring role in next season. Mark my words.

Add to that, the season also boasts a handful of fun cameos, including John Carroll Lynch’s return as Twisty the Clown, Emma Roberts as a bitchy reporter that will do anything to end up on top, and Lena Dunham as SCUM Manifesto writer Valerie Solanas. The cameo cast killed it and I wish they would have been present for more episodes. What are you gonna do?

On the sour side of the season, I didn’t dig Sarah Paulson’s character. At all. But I’m sure that was the point. Right? I’m still not sure. But, boy, I wouldn’t even want to be stuck in line behind her at a Starbucks for three minutes, let alone spend the better part of this season’s 11-hours with her and her whiny bullshite. Urgh.

That said, she pulled it out by the finale. That’s all I’ll say.

In the end, I enjoyed this season as much as – if not more – than any other of the series. “Murder House” will still no doubt go on as my favorite season of the series, but “AHS: Cult” will rank third after season one and “Freak Show”.

While I was on the fence about the season after three episodes, the show ended up ditching Paulson’s character (and/or shifting her arch) after a lull so the episodes picked up quickly. Whenever the season turned its focus back towards Peters (in whichever incarnation he was playing at the time) the show got better and better. Every time.

Not a bad way to spend my Tuesday night for the past 11 weeks.

Bring on season 12.

  • American Horror Story: Cult (2018)


The seventh season of Ryan Murphy’s American Horror Story was Evan Peters’ show all the way through. The young actor pulled out all the stops time and time again to make what may have been a lackluster supernatural-free season a winner.

User Rating 4.1 (21 votes)
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The Axiom Review – A Stylish and Clever Slice of Independent Horror




Starring Hattie Smith, Zac Titus, Nicole Dambro

Directed by Nicholas Woods

The Axiom is an ambitious, well directed, impressively acted and stunningly shot independent horror film that has just a few, teensy little flaws holding it back from greatness (and therefore will have to settle for just being really, really good, instead).

The first thing you realize when watching The Axiom is that this is a beautiful film. Everything is framed and shot in a lush and stylish manner, but one which is always tonally appropriate for the scene.

The second thing you’ll notice, and keep noticing as the film plays out, is that the movie really struck gold with this cast. Not only is there a total lack of the sort of stilted and unnatural acting seen in countless other microbudget horror affairs, but the performances are genuinely fantastic across the board. The main characters are believably chill and relatably normal in the early scenes, and the acting remains just as impressive once things start getting a bit more… intense. It’s not often that an independent horror film has so many good performances that it makes it hard to pick the movie’s acting VIP, but that is undeniably the case here. Taylor Flowers delivers what is probably the showiest performance (and does it very well, indeed), but the entire cast really is quite good.

The central premise of the film is both interesting and original, and touches upon the real life fact (given some recent attention in the ‘Missing 411’ books and documentary) that a lot more people sure seem to go missing out in the woods than seems reasonable, while simultaneously weaving all sorts of folklore, fairy tales and urban legends into the mix. It’s also clever in the way that it very naturally reveals aspects to the relationships between characters that serve to later – or sometimes retroactively – explain some of the more questionable decisions they make or attitudes they display. While that may sound like screenwriting 101, it’s surprising how many films fail to do this. The Axiom rewards the viewer’s attention in other ways as well, with many aspects of the movie that initially feel odd or unnatural receiving reasonable explanations (within the context of the movie) by the end. It’s not quite as challenging (or as rewarding) in this regard as, say, something like Session 9, but it does add a nice layer of complexity to the storytelling.

The film’s score, by Leo Kaliski, is also quite good. There may be a moment here or there where the music hits an overly familiar beat, but overall it not only fits the movie’s tone, but does quite a bit to help set that tone as well.

The only thing that I don’t feel the movie quite pulls off – and I’m trying to be vague here, because I feel like the less you know going into this film, the better – is some of the makeup effects work. The gore stuff is very well executed, but some of the other stuff feels like it was crafted with the intention of shooting it in a more… stylized manner. Instead, filmed as it is here, the result is sometimes less than impressive and can fail to make the impact that the movie seems to be implying that it should. And while some of what the makeup effects lack in execution is made up for with the ingenuity and creativity of their design, it’s still a bit of a shame when they don’t quite pull them off because, aside from a few niggles that I have with the writing, the effects are the only aspect of the film that occasionally fails to live up to the high level of technical proficiency that The Axiom otherwise demonstrates.


  • Man, the acting in this movie is really good. The dialogue may stumble once or twice, but these actors always sell it anyway.
  • Give back Mia Sara’s DNA, Hattie Smith!
  • If you’re going to put your female lead in shorts this small, I hope you’re not sensitive to viewers unleashing a nonstop parade of “Has anyone seen my pants / OH GOD WHERE ARE MY PANTS!” jokes.
  • “You just pop this here ‘Blair Witch Stick Person / Anarchy sign’ sticker up on that there windshield of yours, and them park rangers? Well – heh heh – they won’t bother you none, no sir.” Hmmmmm…
  • The film really is shot amazingly well – better than a lot of mainstream releases. Cinematographer Sten Olson has a real future ahead of him.
  • As does writer / director Nicholas Woods, for that matter. Any director who can get this level of quality out of their cast and crew on their first ever film is someone to keep an eye on.
  • “I’ll make a run for it and get help,” says the female lead, and I’m like “Yeah, let her go – she has no pants to weigh her down.”
  • The gore effects in the movie are both realized and utilized very well.
  • Welcome back to horror movies, “I’ll be right back” dialogue spoken unironically by and/or to ill-fated characters.
  • The Axiom


In the end, The Axiom is a solid and entertaining flick that manages to wring a level of quality and originality out of the somewhat tired “Don’t Go in the Woods” horror subgenre not seen since 2012’s Cabin in the Woods. The cinematography and acting are hugely impressive, it features a nice, unnerving score, the premise is original and captivating, and the whole thing moves at a nice pace that helps keep the film’s flaws from dragging it down.

User Rating 4 (17 votes)
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