Reviewed by Uncle Creepy
Starring Yvonne Strahovski, Will Patton, Eion Bailey
Directed by Richard Harrah
Distributed by Magnet Home Entertainment
Americans? We’re stupid. We always do stupid things that get us killed. We never learn. We never listen. Most of all we never employ logic. Such is the case with Richard Harrah’s very formulaic survival thriller The Canyon.
We meet our very likable newlyweds, played to the nines by Yvonne Strahovski and Eion Bailey, just as they’re about to get a permit to take a trip through the Grand Canyon for their honeymoon. There’s just one problem — they didn’t reserve the trip and there’s a huge waiting list. Who knew? While drowning their sorrows at a local watering hole, they run into an experienced Canyon man (Patton) who tells them he knows how to get them a permit and would be happy to guide them himself. Red flag number one — completely ignored.
After a bit of back-and-forth between our couple, of course they end up taking him up on his offer, and before you know it, they’re wading their way through some very dangerous terrain. In the interest of not giving away too much (as if you haven’t already seen this movie a hundred times by now), things go from bad to deadly, and our party ends up lost and fending off really hungry packs of wolves.
Truth be told, everything was moving along nicely for the first half of the film. But then it happened. We go from an intelligent little thriller to a dumbed-down version of Open Water in a dusty hole. Our couple doesn’t just make bad choices at even worse times. No, through the power of bad writing they do some of the most infuriatingly ridiculous stuff you could ever imagine. It’s damned near insulting. Things spiral downward from there until we get to the end, whose exact twist we all saw in another film from early 2008, the only difference being in that film it was shocking. Here it comes off as paper thin and annoying.
The only things that come close to selling this flick are the acting and the locations, both of which are explored through the DVD’s cookie-cutter featurettes and other special features. Yep, there’s really nothing to see here at all, folks. Just move along and pretend you didn’t just spend the last 102 minutes watching this predictable ride through the seas of mediocrity.
Somewhere within The Canyon there’s a good movie. Ironically enough it’s just as lost as the film’s protagonists. Avoid the aggravation. You’ll thank me later.
2 1/2 out of 5
2 out of 5
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