Friday the 13th - Jason's Top 13 Horniest Kills
In the world of Friday the 13th, “Death and Sex” replaces the old “Death and Taxes” adage with endless reliability. Jason’s always on the prowl for more victims, and what better way for him to pad his numbers than by catching folks not only amidst the throes of passion but also in their euphoric comedowns?
In honor of this week's Friday the 13th, presented here for your, uh, pleasure are the 13 horniest kills in Friday the 13th history. That is to say, the top kills built around sexual machinations in one way or another. So please slide on a rubber, stay safe and give this a read!
13. Here’s one for the both of you! (Friday the 13th Part 2)
This fan favorite was obviously going to wind up on this list. By now everyone knows this infamous dispatch of two ‘counselors in training’ was curbed from Mario Bava’s Twitch of the Death Nerve, but it doesn’t make the moment any less iconic.
Never mind that Jeff looks to be too stoned to even thrust (Or is this post-coital afterglow? The debate rages!), this double murder is a culmination of the skills acquired throughout Jason’s earliest career: stealth, strength and tenacity all combine to make this murder one for the record books.
12. I hate your face! (Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter)
After nailing Sara in the shower, Doug (Peter Barton) goes solo, serenading his sexual conquest with a really bland singing voice and an even poorer choice of song. It seemed to irk an already overly-vicious Jason, too, for the way he decides to take Doug down is remarkably primitive and nasty – one of the many feats that distinguish The Final Chapter as the most mean-spirited Friday the 13th of them all.
This moment isn’t so much a ‘stalk and slash’ bit as much as it is Jason going on the attack: Smashing through the shower glass and grabbing a fistful of Doug’s face; there’s something really nasty about the masked slasher’s decision to simultaneously crush his skull and tear his face off.
11. No love for the classics… (Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter)
One of my favorite kills in the whole series is the surprisingly effective combination of butcher knife and stag film. After striking out with everyone but a stuffed animal, Teddy (Lawrence Monoson) resigns to an evening of smoking grass and watching 8 mm porn.
This innocuous decision turns out to be his downfall as Jason uses the projector to his advantage, distracting and blinding the poor sod before burying half a blade deep in his skull. One of the earliest adopters of modern laptop technology deserved a far better fate than this.