‘Attack of the 50 Foot Camgirl’ Asks What if Godzilla Was a Sex Worker? [Review]
I try to go into every film I critique without preconceived notions, in spite of how ridiculous the setup may be. And I did my best to wipe the slate clean before checking out Full Moon Features’ Attack of the 50 Foot Camgirl. Yet, in spite of that, I could not escape the (nearly immediate) realization that this movie is a bit of a misstep for Chopping Mall director Jim Wynorski.
The flick follows Beverly (Ivy Smith), a webcam performer with a loyal fanbase and a shady husband. In search of new revenue opportunities, Bev and her slimy hubby enlist a team of scientists to manufacture new products to sell to adoring fans. Along the way, the experts happen upon a formula that allows food items to miraculously regenerate. But when Bevvy bites into a self-regenerating hot dog, the sex worker becomes super-sized!
You may be asking yourself how one can go wrong with such an outrageous premise? It’s as if Wynorski swapped Godzilla for a sex worker, right? If only. Unfortunately, the dialogue is ridiculous and the acting is more than a little silly. This film feels like a Cinemax After Dark production that someone spliced together with B-roll from a low-budget monster movie. In short: Attack of the 50 Foot Camgirl feels like a colossal mess cobbled together from a series of fragmented ideas.
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Making matters worse, the set pieces are cheap and ridiculous-looking. And the effects work isn’t much better. I could almost get past all that if the flick didn’t get so bogged down with the interpersonal relationships between the characters and instead focused on delivering as much schlocky camp as humanly possible. Yet, sadly, much of the picture’s 60-minute runtime is spent showcasing the backstabbing and disloyalty perpetrated by Beverly and those closest to her. Worse yet, the constant betrayals going on behind the scenes never really pan out or go anywhere. That piece of the narrative comes to some sort of conclusion at the end. But the subplots feel anticlimactic and distracting, at best.
For a film to be only 60-minutes long and contain mostly filler isn’t a good look. All I wanted was to see a giant cam model trample buildings and cause mayhem. But I had to wait until more than halfway through the picture’s runtime to really see what the title promised. With that much filler, the novelty wears off pretty quickly. Accordingly, there is very little reason to sit through this outlandish effort.
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I wish there were more to love about Attack of the 50 Foot Camgirl. The concept has a certain amount of potential and seems to suggest the flick might function as a loving sendup of the B-movies of yesteryear (namely Attack of the 50 Foot Woman). But the execution is so clunky that the picture never seems to find its footing. If the implementation were better, this may have had cult-classic potential. But as it stands, the budget is so low and the pacing so sluggish that there isn’t a lot to celebrate about this schlocky affair.
If you are keen to see Attack of the 50 Foot Camgirl, you can check it out beginning April 29th via Full Moon Features!
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Attack of the 50 Foot Cam Girl
Summary
This schlocky effort takes far too long to deliver on what the title promises.
