Call of Duty: Black Ops 3 (Video Game)
Ted Hentschke
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Developed by Treyarch
Available on PS4, Xbox One, and PC (PS3 and Xbox 360 multiplayer only)
Rated M for Mature
Well, here we are again. Another year, another Call of Duty, and another iteration of the popular “Zombies” mode. *Sigh* Can I just give it a 3/5 right now, say it’s pretty good despite being stale, and we can all get on with our lives? It’s Call of Duty for fuck’s sake. It’s the same shit every time. Every installment tweaks the perks a bit, changes up the maps, adds a few guns, and ships to bafflingly positive financial success. So it has been, and so it shall be till the end of times.
Of course, here at DreadCentral, we don’t care about the military masturbation of a campaign or the “same shit, different number” multiplayer. We care about Zombies, that runaway surprise hit of side content that has become as much of a feature as any other part of the package. I bought Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 exclusively for Zombies mode, and it was the lastCall of Duty game that I had played. I was a fan of the series before then, playing each previous title for dozens of hours, but even I have a limit. The game just ceased being a justifiable use of $60.
Luckily, I’m a critic now, and wake up some mornings to find that a company has decided that my opinion means something and sent me a game. Such was the case with Call of Duty: Black Ops 3, which I assume they sent because they put the word “zombies” in a search engine and DreadCentral was somewhere in the results. I’d hardly call DreadCentral the “Call of Duty fan destination.” Granted, I did a bit of work covering their announcements, so maybe that had something to do with it. I’m sure a number of you, like myself, have enjoyed the Zombies content in the past, so what the hell, let’s give it a shot.
Just to cover my bases, I will mention that I did play through the campaign and multiplayer. The campaign was surprisingly okay, but as always felt like a survivalist conservative’s wet dream. The whole campaign had a multiplayer cooperative component that was fun. Player specializations felt more like your own personal power fantasy than a meaningful option for building a functional squad, but is preferable to relying on random internet people playing a CoD game. The multiplayer was Call of Duty multiplayer, with more parkour and robot powers. If I had to give it a score, I’d give it a whogivesashit/5.
Right, onto the Zombies mode we are all here for. There are actually three different options for Zombies content this time around: standard Zombies mode, a “Nightmares” campaign mode, and the Dead Ops Arcade 2 secret unlock. It is the most robust Zombies offering so far, and speaks to the effect of how much the mode’s following has driven sales. I’ll go over the modes in ascending importance, so let’s start with the Dead Ops Arcade 2.
Similar to the Dead Ops Arcade mode in Call of Duty: Black Ops, Dead Ops Arcade 2 is hidden entirely in an Easter Egg. After unlocking your safehouse, players can go into the “Data Vault.” Once there, take out your phone, Google “Dead Ops 2 unlock how to,” and Bob’s your uncle. The mode is reminiscent of old school top-down arena shooters like Smash TV, and could probably serve as its own indie downloadable title if put on the XBLA for $5. Actually, I’m incredibly surprised this hasn’t already been sold as the “mobile companion app.” It isn’t at all bad, especially for a fun add-on for fans to find. Zombies come in waves, and you twin-stick shoot your way through them while collecting various power-ups. It’s good for a couple hours of fun, especially if you play it co-op with a friend.
Next up is the Nightmares mode for the campaign. The mode can be accessed after completing the main storyline, which isn’t a big hoop to jump through. It’s a mash-up of assets, featuring Zombies mode enemies alongside typical campaign foes and bosses. It runs through the campaign maps in sequence, but features an entirely new story and narration. It’s actually kind of a cool new mode, despite consisting of entirely recycled material. It brought some longevity to the generally sparse soloable content, and was a welcome surprise for a studio we’ve all come to expect a very specific product from. It wasn’t game-changing, but it certainly went above and beyond the Call of Duty.
Last up, we have the “Shadows of Evil” Zombies mode. In a familiar format, players attempt to survive as many rounds as they can against an increasing number of monstrous zombified foes. This time, there’s a Cthulhu vibe, so expect tentacles and giant bugs. While I personally prefer the days where the cast consisted of Nixon and Castro, the new set of dastardly characters are creative and dark enough to tickle my black little heart. It’s an all-star cast, with Nero (Jeff Goldblum), Jessica (Heather Graham), Jack (Neal McDonough), and Floyd (Ron Perlman) all modeled after their real world counterparts.
So round after round, you barricade, shoot, and circle strafe your way to victory. Points earned through killing foes and boarding up windows can be used to unlock new weapons, power-ups, and areas. Various items can be used to unlock secret stuff. There’s also a new super powerful beast mode that temporarily allows you to zap and strangle your way through foes with ease. This is the most narratively robust installment so far, and following a series of Easter Eggs does lead to a secret “ending.” It provides some story expansion without really “ending” things.
There’s a second “The Giant” map that is unlocked if you got the Collector’s Edition or Season Pass, which is fine. I won’t really get into it, because though the map is fine, it is not part of the base product. I understand that DLC bullshit is just part of the Call of Duty package at this point, but it’s stupid. The Season Pass is $50 if you buy it now, so be my guest if you need zombies that badly in your life. If you love Call of Duty that much, you’ll like this.
Funny enough, my biggest gripe with the content is not that it’s “stale.” While I obviously have a certain amount of disdain over the series being mostly the same thing every year and heralded as the “perfect” product by every sellout critic willing to take a Mountain Dew enema and a shot of Doritos flavor piss to the face, I can’t exactly call Call of Duty bad. It’s always an intense, adrenaline fueled gun wank for neo-survivalists whose cocks grow turgid at the idea of a collapsed state where they are free to single handedly take down the godless heathen states once and for all, but still a pretty enjoyable version of that particular wet dream. I mean hey, if I can fancy myself as the kind of enlightened gent that can play a game with an LGBT protagonist and try to objectively experience it from their point of view, I can at least do the same for xenophobic gun nuts.
What bothers me about the new Zombies content is that it feels inconsistent. The Shadows of Evil map uses the same guns as the campaign, and I must say that cyberistic future rifles that reload by venting all their ports, opening on the side, automatically injecting a new clip, and resealing with a puff of steam does break the whole “1940’s” vibe. The Nightmares campaign makes sense narratively, but is undeniably just recycled levels. The Dead Ops Arcade 2 is fun, but nothing to rush out and buy the package for.
I don’t hate it all. There’s a hell of a lot here for people looking for a robust Call of Duty package. Hell, there’s a good deal here for people just looking for Zombies content. The bottom line is that none of it feels revolutionary. You might think that this is an odd criticism for a CoD title, because of course it’s recycled vanilla beans molded into toast spread. Even within the title, they didn’t care enough about the time period story to give it a set of new guns. It can’t be that hard to make new CoD guns. Hell, you have World at War assets that fit! But no, the best we can hope for is that somewhere during that $50/60 DLC pack, we’ll get something unique.
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Categorized:Horror Gaming Reviews
