Nothing Sacred (2015)
Starring Naama Kates, Alan Barnes Netherton, William Sadler
Directed by Dylan Bank, Norman Pehme
The connection between twins can be a very interesting one, and whether or not they are separated by distances, they manage to share literally everything, and that includes destinies – evil or not.
In Nothing Sacred, from the doubleheaded directorial efforts of Dylan Bank and Norman Pehme, we get to see a set of twinsies, Delilah (Kates) and Blue (Netherton), and their inevitable union in hopes of gaining a measure of revenge against an evil sorcerer (Sadler).
Sound interesting? Yeah, I was trying to convince myself of the same thing as I watched this convoluted wreck of a film. It appears that the sorcerer himself has had a prophecy about being killed by a set of twins in the future, and his remedy for this is to seek out twins (ones that he’s fathered, of course) and kill one so that their union is broken, therefore saving himself to be, well… evil. The only reason that Blue and Delilah have managed to survive was an elaborate ruse from a midwife who decapitated their mother (Debbie Rochon) and claimed it happened BEFORE she gave birth to the second child and smuggled it away.
So here we are, years later, and the two reconnect with the hope of avenging their mother’s death, but as we all know, this isn’t going to be a piece of cake by any stretch, especially with the elusiveness of the sorcerer after all these years. Globetrotting, fighting mythical beasts (no, really), and simply mindbending actions are par for the course here, and frankly, after 45 minutes or so, if you haven’t uttered at least one “WTF?,”you’re better off than I was at that point. Performances were a bit tough to gauge, mainly due to all of the damn language shifting in the film, and unfortunately not even the charismatic Mr. Sadler could offer up much to save this sinking ship.
Nothing truly seemed to melt in this giant cooking pot of confusion, and with all of the different skewered paths this movie took, I felt as if I was looking at a road map of the Eastern seaboard – there’s even a side trek to Oklahoma in the twins’ pursuit, and they find one of the alchemist’s children holding down a job as a real estate developer… no, I’m not kidding.
Overall, I can’t offer up any more than this caveat: If this film manages to cross your path sometime in the future, you’d better leave a trail of bread crumbs to find your way back out – bypass at all costs.
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Film
Categorized:Reviews
