GoatZ (Video Game)
Developed by Coffee Stain Studios
Available on PC, Mac, iOS, Android, Xbox 360, Xbox One
Rated M for Mature
Well now, isn’t this an interesting turn of events! Frankly, I never thought I’d play Goat Simulator, much less a chance as a review for DreadCentral. This isn’t a game that ran out of funding half through and was pushed out the door in a flashy skirt and some mascara to trick someone into taking it home. No, this game is intentionally bad. But the mad scientists at the labs of Coffee Stain Studios decided to come out with a zombie expansion, so here we are ladies and gentlemen!
The whole game is a fucking joke. No, seriously. The whole game was made as a joke. Coffee Stain Studios first gained popularity with their first person shooter/tower defense game, Sanctum, which though similarly loose in both controls and in pathing, happened to be far more serious in design. The game was produced during an internal game jam, and the trailer was released alongside a statement that they didn’t intend to release a final product. After fans cried out that this was something they absolutely needed in their lives, they announced their intention to release the game on April 1st and that none of the bugs would be fixed. So, when the game released as a broken yet ultimately very entertaining mess, no one could really be surprised.
Personally, I did not buy it because I expect a certain amount of quality assurance in my games. I got it for my girlfriend at the time and she loved it enough to distract her from our dying sex life for a few weeks, but it just never struck me as my kind of crack. Oddly enough, certain critics chose to trash the game, which I feel is a bit like adopting a cat and not understanding why it lives and plays like a cat. I was not largely surprised when the game chose to tear up the sublime curtains within my skull.
While I accepted the virtues of Goat Simulator, I didn’t want to spend money on it for myself. I treated it like an activity to be appreciated but not partaken in, like hookers or line dancing. Then, it happened. They came out with a zombie expansion titled GoatZ. Zombies!? Zombies are directly in the DreadCentral wheelhouse, regardless of context. Now was my moment to get the whole package, at not a dime of personal cost! My moment had come. I fired up my email, and as Arthur would at the edge of water, beckoned forth the press contact of the lake to deliver my destiny.
Getting into the spirit of things, I downed a half a bottle of tequila and fired it up. I jumped straight into the zombie mode, played the tutorial, entered the main game, and promptly got my ass handed to me. Wow, if there was one thing I didn’t expect from Goat Simulator, it was difficulty. I mean, granted, I expected a certain amount of intentionally difficult controls making precise movement or action difficult. I did not expect the game itself to actually be difficult. I was confused, drunk, and as a natural byproduct of the two gorilla mad, I immediately shut it off and vowed to play it in more sober hours.
Upon my return, I drank only a quarter of a bottle of tequila. I decided my understanding the game’s fundamentals might be a good start, so I fired up the original game to see where I’d gone wrong. I was surprised by the sheer volume of content. Who knew that they had not only an extra map and goats, but also a free MMO mock expansion? I loaded up the original map, and promptly realized I was not nearly drunk enough to fully enjoy it. Back to square one! I quickly remedied the situation.
Now was the time to return to the bastard child, GoatZ, which I’m surprised to say I did not like as much, despite the crafting system and survival elements. Oh, how I have been longing for those. With the original Goat Simulator, I find that joke reviews are kind of the only way to assess it appropriately. Something like: “licked a person, warped through the world, landed on a jetpack, shot through the sky, sacrificed human at demon portal, became demon goat, couldn’t activate demon powers without activating jetpack, become uncontrollable rocket spinning Satan goat, 11/10 would lick person again.” The game has a staggering amount of secret content that is either just at your fingertips or a good deal of work away. The game is all fun with limitless exploration and easy resets, especially nice for when the game bugs out or your goat becomes a spinning explosion of uncontrollable silly.
GoatZ has a similar amount of content, but manages to fuck it up by making the game difficult to explore. There is a lot to find, and theoretically zombies are fun, right? Well, yeah, but dying in Goat Simulator is not. Managing hunger while seeing if you can triple wall jump up to the firework that will launch you onto the roof of a skyscraper is neither intuitive nor fun.
That isn’t to say that GoatZ doesn’t do things I like. More games should allow you to slap a bag of sugar and a mousetrap together to make a catapult. There is a lot to craft, and all of it is simply and intuitively displayed above the crafting station. I enjoyed finding out what each new combination yields. Also, yes, while it is difficult to explore, the map is pretty large and there is a lot to see. The flavor is also nice, properly cooky with a zombie twist.
I really just wanted to be able to explore more of it. To be fair, there is a modifier that allows you to ignore the hunger mechanic and also one that allows you to ignore the hunger and the zombies. The mod does get points for the options. But it doesn’t negate that the new mechanics weren’t implemented well. Let me just say that it was an interesting experiment and a fun diversion for a game that prides itself on being an experimental and interesting fun diversion. I’ll also give credit to the fact that it is certainly worth your $5. Check it out and see if you agree.
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Games
Categorized:Horror Gaming Reviews
