Fear Not, Citizens! U.S. Military’s CONPLAN 8888 in Place to Protect Against Zombie Apocalypse
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Yes, you read that right. And no, this isn’t a joke. CONPLAN 8888 even says so in its wording, stating “This plan was not actually designed as a joke.” The United States Department of Defense actually has a zombie response plan on file. Wow.
Apparently, due to the popularity of zombie movies, television and video games, the government decided they’d better get their butts in gear and have some kind of plan to refer to in case the zombie apocalypse actually hits. I wonder if they also have something planned should an attack by vampires, Godzilla or killer tomatoes also occur.
According to documents recently published, CONPLAN 8888 details the number of zombies that may need eradicating and the different types, including the crowd-favorite ‘pathogen zombie’, the lesser known but equally beloved ‘evil magic zombie’ and the much rarer and basically harmless ‘vegetarian zombie’. There was no mention, however, about Bicycle Girl, Tarman or Bub.
There’s all kinds of interesting information and facts in CONPLAN 8888, as well as nuggets that just have to make you a little afraid about those we consider our watchdogs. Things like “…Because accurate intelligence related to zombies will be hard to obtain using traditional methods, planners will have to assume worst-case scenarios derived from popular culture references (books, movies, comic books) to adequately model zombie threats.” Yikes!
And although we’re having a lot of fun here, the government does stress that CONPLAN 8888 is indeed just a training exercise. Navy Captain Pamela Kunze, a spokesperson for U.S. Strategic Command said, “The document is identified as a training tool used in an in-house training exercise where students learn about the basic concepts of military plans and order development through a fictional training scenario. This document is not a U.S. Strategic Command plan.” Sure it isn’t. We all saw The Men Who Stare At Goats. We know how nutty government schemes can get!
You can access the full 31-page CONPLAN 8888 document here. And if you think this is the only thought the government has put into a zombie apocalypse, check out this document released by the Center For Disease Control on a zombie outbreak. Stay safe out there, Dreaddies!
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