The Six Slays of Christmas 2012 – Day Three
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Time is ticking for all you last minute shoppers who haven’t gotten off your butts to finish your holiday shopping. But before you rush out and polish off that list, let us give you one more reason to stay right there in your chair: Santa’s Slay.
Starring none other than former professional wrestler Bill Goldberg as the most badass Santa of all time, Santa’s Slay is a black comedy that is absolutely more about the laughs and the kills than scaring anyone at all. But it does deliver some noteworthy deaths. The fact that the first five minutes of the film have Santa Goldberg jam a turkey leg down James Caan’s throat, light Fran Drescher’s head on fire before drowning her in a bowl of eggnog and brain Rebecca Gayheart with a table leg simply sets the tone for what’s to come.
Santa’s Slay is all about being over-the-top. Right from the premise, and this is taken from ‘The Book of Claus,’ Santa is actually the son of Satan; and he spent his earlier days torturing and tormenting on December 25. That is, until he lost a curling bet (that’s right, curling… that sport we only see during the Winter Olympics with the big polished rocks and brooms) to an angel. The cost of his wager is 1,000 years of being a symbol of joy and happiness. Well, the 1,000 years are over now, and Santa is ready to get back to his old ways. With a storyline like that, you know it’s going to be good for a chuckle.
Add in a foul-mouthed, chain-smoking old lady; Dave Thomas playing a strip-club frequenting priest and some Rankin/Bass styled animation and, although it’s not Academy Award worthy, Santa’s Slay is definitely entertaining. Finally, Goldberg’s Santa is not only the best dressed Saint Nick we’ve ever seen, but he’s truly a bad man. If he’s not jamming a sharpened candy cane in someone’s eye, he’s flinging exploding gifts at unsuspecting people. Naughty or nice, this Santa doesn’t discriminate. Santa’s Slay is indeed the guiltiest of guilty pleasures. Dig in!
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