Dread Central’s Gift Guide: Tee Shirts

By Alyse Wax

When you are little, getting clothing as a Christmas gift is a huge disappointment. You’re a kid; you want toys. As you get older, you understand – even appreciate – the usefulness of clothing. But it’s not always the most fun gift. 

For our gift guide, we’ve dug out some of the coolest tee shirts we could find. Stuff that may not be toys, but will delight like a toy.

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My First Alien Autopsy tee

$20 at Threadless.com

In the 1960s, there were lots of books for kids that had titles like “My First Trip to the Doctor.” These were made educate, to calm, to interest children. This shirt designed by Steven Rhodes spoofs that “My First” “genre” with the My First Alien Autopsy tee. After all, it is good to encourage children to experiment. It’s probably best that they autopsy an alien before they autopsy a human. Fewer organs, from what I hear.


Amity Island Welcomes You tee

$26.28 at LastExitToNowhere.com

Amity promises clear skies, gentle surf, and warm water. The giant, flesh-eating great white shark is just a bonus. The design on this sweatshirt is faded so it looks like you picked it up on Amity Island in the 1970s, instead of brand new on a web site last week.

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King of Horror tee

$28 at Fright-Rags.com

For the Stephen King fan in your life (and really, who isn’t a fan?), this King of Horror shirt features King himself sitting at his desk, surrounded by familiar talismans from his most famous novels and movies: IT, Cujo, The Shining, Christine, Skeleton Crew, Pet Sematary, and many more.

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Satan Says tee

$24 at TooFastOnline.com

It’s like Simon Says, but with a more relatable master. This t-shirt, designed like an old 1970s advert, encourages kids to play a new game, Satan Says, on a new toy: a Ouija board.

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Cigarette Smoking Man tee

$24.95 at Fox.com

The X-Files is one of my favorite TV shows, and the Cigarette Smoking Man is one of the greatest villains in TV history. This shirt represents him perfectly. He is shadowy, secretive, and always, always smoking. I don’t think he has ever worn a bright red tie, though.

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Camp Crystal Flakes tee

$20 at Teepublic.com

You need a good, hearty breakfast if you are going to spend your nights slaughtering young, nubile camp counselors. That’s why Jason eats a big bowl of Camp Crystal Flakes every morning. He swears by its “killer taste.”

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I Survived Midsommar Festival tee

$26.60 at Etsy.com

Surviving a summer festival is normally a given… right? Well, if it’s the Midsommar festival of Ari Aster’s brilliant film, then it most certainly is not a given. So wear this shirt proudly! Show that you survived the Midsommar Festival.

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The Evolution of Jason tee

$17 at Etsy.com

Casual film fans probably don’t know that Jason Voorhees’ mask changed over the sequels. So use this tee shirt as a chance to educate people around you. Remember: education is power!

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Buffalo Bill’s Lotion tee

$36.22 at 80stees.com

“It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.” One of the most infamous lines in The Silence of the Lambs, that simple, chilling line of dialogue is now an sales pitch for (fake) hand lotion!

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Periodic Table of Horror tee

$23.37 at RedBubble.com

The print is tiny, so don’t be surprised if people stare at your chest for a really long time, reading it. The periodic table is divided into genres – slashers, supernatural, evil kids, zombies, vampires, etc. – and each horror film is listed, along with an icon representing the film. For example, under Psychopaths, The Shining is listed with Jack’s typewriter.