There are a massive amount of genre fanatics who simply cannot stand remakes. I get it – if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, as they say. We should leave all the treasures of old just as they’ve always been, respected and frequently returned. Honored but never smothered. One-offs.
No remakes, no random prequels, no re-imaginings, no reboots – that’s how a classic film should be honored, not by attempting to remake it with a shitload of CGI and pretty faces. It takes more than that to put together a sublime piece of film.
Throughout history, however, we’ve clearly seen a barrage of pictures that fell just short of “special.” A number of these films didn’t necessarily have to come up short of elite status. Some adjustments and crew rearrangements could have certainly saved more than one picture.
Today we bring you a look at 10 horror films that failed to wow viewers upon arrival… but they sure didn’t have to fail. They could have been excellent. And now that the record books are all in place, those films won’t see any sort of adjustments. But they could see remakes done the right way.
The Mangler: Okay, so the idea of a murderous folding machine seems like a tough sell, but you know what? Stephen King sold the shit out of this story! If King can make it work on page, it’s hard to imagine a top-notch filmmaker failing to do the same on screen. Tobe Hooper is great and all, but he always felt like a strange fit for this flick, which, for the record, never even begins to work.
I’m a big Robert Englund fan, but he was terribly miscast in the role of Bill Gartley. I see someone like Gene Hackman slaughtering this role, and someone like James Wan working magic behind the camera. It’s a long shot, but I do dare say that I believe a remake of The Mangler could be a decidedly creepy and successful film.
Shocker: Oh, Wes, you were an amazing, amazing filmmaker who delivered some of the sharpest horror we’ve ever seen. You did your fans proud, and you built a loyal fan base that likely would have jumped to their death in your honor. But none of that can rewind time and save Craven’s sketchy Shocker. What’s wild about this particular piece is that it functioned on a terrific premise.
The idea of a murderous lunatic being able to transport through electronics to continue on in his homicidal ways was fascinating (especially in 1989), but the execution was all wrong. Shocker was designed to successfully inject humor in the script, and I wouldn’t want to see that changed in the least bit; however, the film just wasn’t dark enough, and there are far too many characters throwing around laughably bad dialogue. Shocker, with a stronger screenwriter, a savvy, contemporary director, and a number of established supporting performers, could see this piece elevated to a mind-boggling degree. Shocker in 2016 could potentially be a smash hit.
Dreamcatcher: Stephen King’s novel of the same name was excellent. Some may say it’s one of the last truly great novels the man has written. That’s a debate for another day, but it is relevant when you sit back and take a look at the film itself. Lawrence Kasdan did a decent job with the film, but between the absurd CGI aliens and a few questionable casting calls, the movie underwhelmed in a major way. The thing is, that story could easily give way to a brilliant film, loaded with visceral shocks and compelling performances. But something – other than the already discussed issues – was definitely missing. That something was something special, and as a result, without that magical “it” factor, the final product was viewed as a decent – at best – film that according to fans – unanimously – failed to do King’s novel justice. This one isn’t very old, and a remake may be a bit premature, but I’ll be damned if I wouldn’t like to see this one done right. Where’s Frank Darabont when you need him?
Ghost Ship: Ghost Ship opens with a very eerie, very shocking sequence. For about five minutes it seems the movie is going to be a certified home run… then… well, then the rest of the film happens. If you made it through the entire run time of the film, you probably felt compelled to punch yourself in the face. It’s just bad, in so many ways, and by the time the credits roll you’ll feel as though that entire opening sequence was wasted. But it didn’t have to be. Ghost Ship could conceivably be an awesome picture, but it would take a lot to make that happen. The computer department is the place to start with this one, as trimming the stomach-turning “special” effects and replacing them with man-made props and sets would immediately make the film infinitely better than this hunk of junk.
Leprechaun: Sure, Mark Jones’ original Leprechaun is a lot of fun. It’s also one of those so bad it’s good flicks. But let’s just be real about this one: No matter how much I get a kick out of the movie, I can’t deny that it’s a real steamy pile. The comedic tones of the original film don’t help the cause overall, and if the miserable Leprechaun: Origins taught us anything, it’s that the tone and atmosphere of the original could work on a darker plane. Don’t get me wrong; Origins was a horrendous film, but the gloomy vibe of it and the noticeable dearth of humor changed the entire feel of the picture. A strong screenwriter and a clear idea (two things Origins lacked) could lead to a home run of a film and one of the greatest franchise turnarounds ever.
Hobgoblins: It’s been a number of years since I looked into Rick Sloane’s train wreck, and if memory serves me correctly, the only reason I ever gave it a chance was to see one of the “worst horror films ever made.” Yes, it’s miserable; and yes, it’s cheap and exploitative. But somewhere, deep in the concept of the picture, is real promise. The idea of creatures that turn dreams into realities, only to execute the dreamer while he’s wrapped up in bliss, has a lot of potential. It’s an idea that, to a small degree, is a bit similar to the Hellraiser films, and if this idea were to be genuinely nurtured and respected as a production while being crafted, it could actually be an awesome movie. I think the only way to go here is straight-laced. More drama than comedy could be a simple recipe for success. It would be amazing to see this one completely revamped and turned into a quality piece.
Witchcraft: What the hell happened with this franchise? How did it even become a franchise?! I haven’t seen all 312 movies in the Witchcraft series, but of the few I have seen, the initial franchise starter was the strongest. That’s not to imply it’s legitimately strong – it’s not – it’s just to say that of the small handful of sequels I caught, the first was the only one remotely near memorable. The truth is these movies kind of stink, and unless they were designed to bore us to death, the brand fails. However, with a new, quality director and a heavily improved script, Witchcraft could potentially be a winner. Not that we’ll ever know – Hollywood prefers to remake the gems as opposed to the stinkers that actually warrant a serious overhaul.
Gothic: Gothic was such an atmospheric and morbid picture that it almost worked. In fact, I’m sure many fans wouldn’t think of touching Ken Russell’s original. But for all the good things going for the flick (including Gabriel Byrne’s participation), there’s something missing, and the unintentional humor sprinkled throughout the film never sat well with me. There’s a complex and intriguing story here, but those two strengths alone aren’t quite enough (for me) to label this one a hit. That said, it could be. An extremely bleak tone, from beginning to end, without the laughs that were never meant to be, Gothic had the potential to be one of the best of the 1980s. I may catch some flack for this pick, but I’m a firm believer that a pitch-black rendition of Gothic could have bordered on true taboo, and we all know that taboo is a major attraction for genre fans. We love to see content that pushes the boundaries of censorship, and Gothic deserved that treatment.
Sometimes They Come Back: Yep, another Stephen King film makes the list. Tom McLoughlin’s 1991 made-for-TV adaptation of Stephen King’s chilling short story “Sometimes They Come Back” was a welcome surprise. The movie is engaging, it’s creepy, and it forces viewers to juggle a whole lot of different emotions – heartbreak being a major, major focus point of the film. In short, I got a serious kick out of the movie, which means this is one of the few pictures on this list that was actually good. But I can’t help but believe that a modernized, R-rated take, with a hefty dose of practical work and a great cast, would make for a seriously successful film. The truth is that McLoughlin’s picture, while badass, hasn’t aged all too well. If we can bring out a slew of top-notch practical effects practitioners, get a menacing young cast to take on the villains of the film, and re-cast (likely the most challenging aspect of this proposed scenario) the character of Jim Norman with a performer who can handle the up-and-down mental battle that Tim Matheson brought to life so convincingly, we could see one of the finest King transfers to date.
The Werewolf: I actually love this film. Really, really, really love it! For my money it’s one of the finest werewolf films in existence and a picture a decade or so ahead of its time. Yet, somehow no one knows (especially not the younger crowds) about the flick. (Seriously, how in the shit is this possible?!?) It’s been forgotten over the years, which is a shame given the entertainment factor of the production. The Werewolf is the only movie on this list I’d classify as a bona fide classic (that could be nothing more than a reflection of my personal adoration, I confess), and the lack of eyes on the film feels like a joke gone terribly wrong. It’s time genre fans familiarized themselves with a true beauty, and if it takes a remake to make that happen, well then, so be it!