Directed by John Carpenter
Distributed by Anchor Bay Entertainment
Editor’s Note: This review has been edited to be more in line with our editorial standards. The author has not contributed to our publication for many years nor has the editor who approved this review. This post was found to contain a style of humor and tone that the current editorial team does not condone and as such it has been removed from the piece.
For women, most often, pregnancy is a wondrous thing. That’s not so much the case for 15 year old Angelique (Wachs). Her little bundle of joy is scaring the crap out of her to the point that she is running through the woods to escape her religious father (Perlman). After a near fatal encounter with a car she is brought to the local woman’s health clinic and it is only a matter of time before daddy dearest or the fetus inside her paint the walls red with blood.
Here it was: Carpenter’s greatest chance to tackle a big issue. The big A isn’t something often found in horror. Abortion, a horror in its own right to some, is ripe with possibilities to both scare, inform and educate. Now if only someone had thought about that before perverting this into a three ring circus of stupidity, silliness and failure.
Not only are our main characters brain dead and one dimensional, but the doctors too seem to have graduated from the Dr. Seuss school of magical malpractice. When a woman has been shot in the face with goo that burns her should you:
A) Take her to the closest eye wash station
or
B) Yell and scream like buffoons in mating season
If you answered “A” then you would be wrong. Never assume that your health care professional will know what to do in a time of crisis, that would be expecting too much.
What makes for an even sadder experience is that none of the cast ever seems to develop as the story unfolds. The there’s the needless throw away characters. In the midst of all this drivel, the audience is then introduced to several other people who either die, go missing, or just stand around bewildered. What could it have been that made a film about abortion so bland and tasteless? The Devil!
If a filmmaker is going to have such an out-there premise and boring leads why not deliver on the gore? This reviewer asked that same question after the anti-climatic ending. There is one decent head shot early on, but the opportunity for some real meat and potatoes happens off camera when Perlman gets to torture the clinics head doctor … instead of saving his daughter. Logic is this episode’s worst enemy. After the excellent FX in “Pelts” (DVD review), there should be a mandatory rule set where off camera kills cannot be allowed. Dad had all these great abortion tools to use and the audience gets to see none of it being implemented against the doctor of death.
There is one bright star in this black pit of suck: baby head shot. Oh fuck yeah! Angelique picks up a gun that weighs more than her, holds it like a noob and manages to blow the devil kid’s head apart with 1 shot in a badly lit room. Give this girl a pass to the Halo 3 beta! I want her on my team! Sickening, that one of the episode’s flaws was its best feature.
Before I wrap this up I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the commentary track. Would you want to sit through this whole film again just to listen to Carpenter and writers Drew McWeeny and Scott Swan? Yes and no. It is interesting to listen all the party members discussing the political/religious views of the characters as if there was actually a meaty storyline to back them up. Sorry, but what film did you guys think you made? Because “Pro-Life” misses so many key points that you’ve just made an action packed, dumbed down version of a previous Devil rape film. Better luck next time.
“Pro-Life” is a hit and run film. Issues of responsibility, morality, faith and mortality are briefly touched upon, but they’re left suddenly on the side of the road in favor of a sillier concept. A film like this could have opened up dialogue and minds about the issue of abortion, but crab-baby and lizard-devil daddy helped to turn this whole episode into a joke. There is never once a moment of revelation or even the simplest development of a character. “Pro-Life” is a total failure on every level imaginable.
Special Features
Special Features
3 1/2 out of 5