…the removal of which oftentimes can prove more repulsive than beheadings.
The progression seemed natural, right?
If you’ve been caught off guard, get used to the idea that I’m keen on the disturbing. The memorable moments of film that force us to cringe and question our own lucidity, all the while a sadistic smile slowly forms on our faces, concealed only by the dim theater lights.
The disconcerting shit really crawls under my skin and in some odd way seems to frequently offer me a look at myself in an alternate mirror, where I see potential character traits I choose to ignore in a bid to to ensure my sanity. So I love writing these pieces, and I’m going to give you, the reader, human body parts galore, plain and simple.
Slow Down, Bitches: Quentin Tarantino has openly expressed disdain for Death Proof. Fans didn’t take too kindly to it either, citing the long, drawn-out dialogue as one of the pic’s major hindrances. But you know what? This is actually one of my favorite Tarantino films. And I think the dialogue is truly, truly genius. Stunt Man Mike’s sensual conversation with Butterfly is one of the greatest exchanges I’ve heard in my 33 years.
“The woods are lovely, dark and deep and I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep. Did you hear me, Butterfly? Miles to go before you sleep.”
“Sorry, Stunt Man Burt,”
“—Mike.”
“Mike… She already broke off that dance.”
“Is that true? Did I… miss my chance?
“Do I frighten you?
“Is it my scar?”
“It’s your car.”
“Ah, yeah, I know. Sorry… it’s my mom’s car.”
You Can Run But You Can’t… Well, Guess Ya Can’t Run Either: The 2003 redux of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre turned out to be a solid remake. It wasn’t amazing, it wasn’t terrible. I guess in that sense it’s actually fairly similar to Tobe Hooper’s original (let’s face it, as much as we all may love it, that was never a “great flick”), which worked well with audiences. However, the horrendous situation this group of youngsters find themselves in doesn’t work, for them. We all know they’re going to bite the bullet. We all know they’re going to be tortured to unpleasant lengths. But we didn’t all see this absolutely awesome amputation coming, that’s for damn sure. Kick-ass blend of action and terror!
Take a Bite Out of Science: If ever there was a guilty pleasure piece, it’s Deep Blue Sea. The picture had so many things going against it, it’s insane: The concept itself was preposterous, the dialogue was flat out embarrassing, LL Cool J played a religious fanatic and even the seasoned performers of the picture phoned in their performances. And yet, it’s so damned entertaining. Especially thanks to shots of Samuel L. Jackson being devoured whole by an acrobatic shark, or poor Jim Whitlock, who gets his arm bitten right off. There’s something just… stupendous about that ragged, bloody stump. You go, shark.
Ash, The One Armed Man: Seriously, I’m not even going to speak on this one. If you’re not familiar with this scene from Evil Dead 2, either something is wrong with your selection of films, your general taste in cinema sucks or you drank too much damn liquor before checking ED2 out!
Off With His Foot: Boy, did James Wan trigger something massive with this little gorefest. Saw was every bit as psychological as it was gory, and that’s part of what made it special. Facing one’s own mortality is nightmarish, and Wan threw that right in the face of the film’s leads… and right in the face of those bold enough to tune in to the film. Believe me; it’s a far more intricate example of cinema than most would admit (I’m not echoing that sentiment in regards to the flick’s sequels). But what really left audiences compelled? What really had the masses talking? That fucking severed foot! Holy hell, what a call to make: cut off my foot and survive, or wait it out and die? That’s nasty stuff, and it’s just as nasty when Dr. Lawrence Gordon makes his bloody decision.
Gimme a Hand… Make That an Arm: Critics’ panning of Freddy vs. Jason will never sway my love for the film. It’s an amazingly gratifying piece of work, not because of the care invested or technique applied, but because it’s balls to the wall fun, right out of the gate. It also screams vintage Universal monster crossovers, which inhabit a sizable portion of real estate in my heart. There are a load of entertaining shots to behold in this goofy but great flick. One of those key moments comes in a battle between genre icons Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees – two of the 80s most beloved villains. The war is wild as all hell and ultimately culminates with a few parts being separated from the bodies they were once attached to. The great moment? When Jason rips Freddy’s arm right the hell out of socket and off of his body. It’s just… great. Watch it and see.
Maybe if We Chop His Legs Off He’ll Make it: Whether queasy or not, The Ruins is going to climb under your skin. And in this case, the very last thing anyone wants is something climbing under their skin. Fortunately for Mathias (don’t take that whole fortunately part serious), his legs get the rock long before anything climbs under his skin. Easily one of the most charming personalities in this still-underrated film, Mathias falls into a mining shaft, busting himself up, actually breaking his back. The small group of misfortunates manage to lift Mathias to the surface, but headstrong med student Jeff takes immediate note that infection is setting in in his lower extremities. If they don’t amputate soon, he’s going to die of infection. What follows is an absolutely disgusting scene which involves heavy rocks, broken bones, plenty of sawing and a little cauterizing. Should have left poor Mathias in the ruin to be devoured by man-eating vines.
Beware of Bear Traps: Severance is one of the two indie flicks on this list that legions of horror hounds still haven’t caught on to (Splinter being the other). Well, do yourself a favor and change that immediately. This is a creative film with outstanding performers, a top-notch script, grade A humor and one of the coolest dismemberment scenes ever captured on cam. Gordon and Steve are the two shining personalities of Severance, so you know at the very, very least, one has to go. First on the docket: Gordon. Means of death? Hilarious bear trap leg severing (at least that’s the launching point). This is one of those terrific scenes that employ a minimal measure of slapstick humor along with what feels like perfect improvisation. It’s a disturbing scene to watch, but it’s hard to remember that when your laughing your ass off.
Is This Cheating? Don’t Electronic Kitchen Blades Deserve Credit?: Forget the fact that there’s already an Evil Dead inclusion on this list. The truth of the matter is, the dismemberment scene in Fede Alvarez’s reboot is marginally more disturbing than the original scene in Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead 2. This is a graphic turn of events that capitalizes on impressive practical effects and complete shock value. Now, to the extremely analytical eye, it’s easy to detect where the real body ends and the prosthetic arm begins. That, however, doesn’t take away from the impact of the shot upon initial viewing, because on that first time around, it looks awfully real. Let’s be honest… Natalie was a somewhat immaterial character in the film; may as well lop off the arm with an electric kitchen blade.
Bro, it’s Infected, it’s Gotta Go: There are no laughs to be found in this scene. There’s nothing humorous about it whatsoever, and that’s something quite endearing. Filmmakers (studios, perhaps) will often opt to include over-the-top insanity with the intention of lightening the extremity of a certain scene by infusing laughable material. Splinter said fuck that and went all out, delivering one of, if not the most brutal of scenes on this entire list (in my mind it comes down to this shot and the one from The Ruins). Picture it: every finger in the hand, snapping and contorting in unnatural directions. The arm hyper-extends, the elbow capsule snaps in vicious fashion, forearm ripped back in the opposite direction of anatomy’s design… and the infection leaping to full-on life. The only answer to such a conundrum is a pocket knife, a cinder block and one of the toughest, greatest anti-heroes independent horror films have ever produced.