You think we’d have gotten tired of vengeful spirits by now. If you really think about it, we’ve been telling stories of jilted lovers and villainous fiends returning as poltergeists since campfires existed to huddle around. There’s something about our existence carrying on, even in a tortured and warped form, that makes us want to believe.
Personally, I’m a sucker for ghost stories. It’s insane how many found footage films I have sat through just because it was tagged as “supernatural.” I can’t remember my Social Security number, but I’ll be damned if my brain will forget a second of The St. Francisville Experiment. So, with the upcoming release of RLJ’s The Haunting of Alice D, it got me thinking of some of the most memorable cinema hauntings I’ve seen. No, not the BEST, but the strangest, weirdest, most out there, and ultimately unforgettable paranormal happenings. So without further ado, here’s Ted’s 8 Most Unorthodox Horror Film Hauntings!
8) Stay Alive (2006):
Wow, I never thought I’d be making a “top” list with Stay Alive on it. It’s a movie that can generously be described as fun when drunk as a chimp being used for scientific research on addiction. As an actual gamer, it’s borderline offensively stupid. However, there’s no denying that the idea of a haunted video game is pretty badass. An action RPG where the villain is none other than the infamous Elizabeth Bathory, protected by a horde of monsters? Hell yes! Unfortunately, poor execution prevented the idea from really taking flight. I’ve watched this movie about six times on concept alone. I KNOW that it’s crap, but I just can’t stay away.
7) The Collingswood Story (2002):
Video chat is now ubiquitous enough to be the prefered method for grandparents the world over to keep tabs on their progeny, but it wasn’t always that way. Back in the days of IRC, it was a Wild West of insanity that would make even the most furious of Chatroulette masturbators blush. As amateurish as The Collingswood Story was, it had the balls to tell a ghost story over video chat in 2002. When people think of “Skype ghosts”, they naturally go to Unfriended, but did that movie have video chat psychics and creepy shirtless Santa Claus impersonators singing you songs? It hasn’t aged super well, but The Collingswood Story is the embodiment of taking a risky idea and running with it.
6) The Possession (2012):
I can count on one finger the number of horror movies focused on Jewish mythology. It’s not like the culture is lacking its share of demons and monsters. Dybbuks, Golems, Leviathans, and Samael are an old world kind of badass that practically demand modern adaptations.Without a doubt, The Possession proves that these ideas can work. It’s a terrifying film at every step, constantly shocking you right up until the credits. I mean just look at this MRI! Fucking hell!
5) The Others (2001):
Similar to The Sixth Sense, The Others is a movie that relies heavily on its plot twist. So, fair warning, I’m going to spoil this movie. If you somehow managed to avoid these spoilers for 15 years and are also the kind of person who gives a single fuck about spoiling a movie released a decade and a half, you have been fairly warned. The Others is a film that is remembered for its twist, and rightly so. A ghost story told from the perspective of the ghosts is bold and badass. But it isn’t just a film with a great reveal. The Others is one of those rare films that both horror fans and general movie critics like. It’s a great film on top of being an excellent ghost story. If you somehow haven’t seen it, do so.
4) Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977):
Like most human beings, I heard about Death Bed: The Bed That Eats from Patton Oswalt’s Werewolves and Lollipops album. I didn’t get the chance to actually watch it until Steve “Uncle Creepy” Barton inexplicably decided that his Blu-ray collection was simply incomplete without it sitting on his self. I had no idea what to expect from Death Bed. I certainly didn’t picture a borderline avant-garde art film about an artist trapped in a wall being forced to watch an evil bed made out of wind eating people. That’s all I can really explain. Never has a movie been so unforgettable and mind-wipingly stupid at the same time. Just watch it and see what I mean.
3) Burnt Offerings (1976):
Burnt Offerings brings “haunted house” to a whole new level. Why just have a ghost, when the house itself could be the bad guy! It’s the perfect elevator pitch. Chock-full of cheesy 70’s goodness, it’s batshit nuts. They get pretty creative with the whole “house trying to murder you” theme, but it’s always at a perfect level of camp. Also, they crush a child with a chimney, so bonus points.
2) The Ring (2002):
I almost picked Videodrome to fill the “haunted videotape” slot, but had to drop it because I don’t think it’s actually about a haunting. To be honest, I don’t think anyone has any idea what Videodrome is actually about. Anyways, it’s fine, because I’m 100% certain that The Ring is in fact about a haunted videotape. For my generation, The Ring is remembered as the first real horror movie that scared the shit out of us. Watching Samara crawl out of the TV still makes my asshole pucker. What was even worse was the suspense after the credits rolled. I don’t think it’s possible to sleep for seven days after watching this. Like no other movie before, it makes the audience wonder if they are somehow cursed the same way as the characters.
1) House II: The Second Story (1987):
When cooking up a list of “unorthodox horror,” never forget the key ingredient, House II: The Second Story. It would be like assembling a cheese plate and forgetting the cheese. You can debate whether or not to include the first House over the sequel, but you have to have at least one in there. I prefer the second, since it has a caterpillar dog and an interdimensional adventuring electrician. And cowboy zombies. And ancient mayan temples that teleport you back to the prehistoric era. And magic crystal skulls. Yes, this is all one movie. Does it all make sense? Not really. Is it unforgettably awesome? Absolutely.
The Haunting of Alice D (2016):
With RLJ releasing The Haunting of Alice D tomorrow (May 3rd, 2016), we’ll soon see if it is as memorable as the other members of this list. Check out the official description:
In the late 1890s, Davenport House was a famously successful brothel, ruled with an iron fist by an owner notorious for his cruelty and insatiable greed. Virtually imprisoned inside these walls, young Alice was forced to endure years of brutality and sexual slavery – until she took murderous revenge on her captors and tragically ended her own life. More than a century later, the latest Davenport heir is hosting a decadent bash in the newly renovated mansion – complete with drugs, prostitutes, and just one rule: Anything goes. But the “fun” has barely begun when strange, terrifying things begin to happen. Suddenly, the legend of Alice’s tormented ghost proves to be very real as the guests discover first-hand that vengeance never rests in peace!
THE HAUNTING OF ALICE D will be available on DVD and Digital Video for an SRP of $27.97 on May 3, 2016.
So, what do you think? Excited for vengeful spirits ruining everyone’s good time? What about the other additions on the list? Did I miss your favorite unorthodox haunting? Let me know below!