This isn’t the first time I’ve ranked the Halloween franchise. And this ranking doesn’t exactly mirror past lists. Time changes opinions. But this particular list doesn’t just differ as a result of time; it differs because for the first time (well, my first time) it also includes a breakdown of the recently released producer’s cut of Curse of Michael Myers, an excellent piece of work that should have never been shelved to begin with.
You’ll learn a bit about that specific picture – if you haven’t yet seen it – and you’ll also get a fresh perspective on the franchise as a whole. A recent return to all 11 pictures has spawned some renewed insight that warrants a little discussion. It is, after all, October; and that means those of us who desperately need a Michael Myers fix are unquestionably going to be digging into the crates in order to once more visit the deceptively quiet Haddonfield, home of the most terrifying and relentless murderer known to man.
Halloween: The masterpiece of all masterpieces… well, at least in terms of slasher films. John Carpenter’s Halloween hits all the right notes. The drawn-out camera shots, the general patience in the visual approach, the continuity of the story; this is all stunning work. Carpenter captures the essence of Halloween like no one else, and Laurie Strode comes to life with the great Jamie Lee Curtis approaching the character. While a few of the smaller players come off as slightly wooden, they fit wonderfully into the picture. Michael Myers, with his silent but ominous demeanor, is absolutely terrifying; and his mask – while quite simple – is the most unsettling facial accessory ever featured in a horror production. The picture has aged wonderfully (we’ve seen some stunning remastered renditions released over the last few years), and its position as king and igniter of the slasher sub-genre has long gone all but unrivaled. This is what a brilliant flick looks like.
Halloween II: While John Carpenter has expressed some disappointment in the 1981 follow-up to his career defining picture, most fans would agree that Halloween II is handled precisely as a sequel should be. The characters that matter are all present and accounted for, the immediate continuation of Carpenter’s original story is exactly what fans wanted, and the slight intensification of the gore works to take the jolts up just a notch, without becoming offensive or insulting to those who cherish purity in their horror. Dean Cundey once more returns to handle the camera, and as a result we get a piece of work that looks damn near identical to its predecessor. Play Halloween and Halloween II back-to-back, and it feels like one long, gratifying film. That’s how a sequel should play out. That’s a sequel done very right.
Halloween 3: Season of the Witch: Let the comments of crucifixion spill down upon this head; it is welcomed! Season of the Witch caught a ton of shit from fans and critics alike. The problem? It doesn’t have Michael Myers in it. Well, boo-fucking-hoo! The movie still rocks the rock. This is ‘80s greatness, complete with a menacing villain, a staggeringly taboo concept, a dash of nudity, and the greatest mustache known to man. That’s right; Tom Atkins fronts the fun and chilling tale of a maniac hellbent on killing kids across the map with nifty little Halloween masks. This is a far out, kind of cosmic creep-out that – despite the absence of Myers – feels very much like a Halloween franchise film while successfully injecting a noticeable measure of fear in the hearts of viewers.
Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers Producer’s Cut: The producer’s cut of the sixth film in the Halloween franchise is not only borderline fantastic, it’s also so radically superior to the theatrical take that contemplating the decision to release that trash that hit theaters becomes a head-scratching, totally perplexing task. Why in the world the decision was made to shelf this story in favor of that other one is hard to grasp. See, like John Carpenter’s epic first picture, this rendition of The Curse of Michael Myers relies on mystery and drawn-out single shots. It eliminates the emphasis on graphic gore as well and affords the Jamie Lloyd character the respectable exit she deserves. It is, in short, a very respectful and honorable nod to the living legend, John Carpenter. When it all comes down to it, this particular spin on the film puts the theatrical version to total and complete shame; it’s one of the true finest in the entire franchise, believe it or not.
Halloween H20: Halloween H20 brings a fine aesthetic strength to moviegoers. It also features an excellent cast that consists of a returning Jamie Lee Curtis, Josh Hartnett, Adam Arkin, Michelle Williams, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, the surprisingly polished rapper-turned-thespian LL Cool J, and the great Janet Leigh – mother to Curtis – herself. But this is a picture that offers up a whole hell of a lot of additional intrigue. The story – handled by Robert Zappia and Matt Greenberg – is a surprisingly tight tale, with very few loose ends to scowl at and even fewer illogical decisions to force a head-shake. There aren’t too many plot holes to deal with, and the continuity and cohesiveness of the flick is great. Curtis’ character is headstrong and likable, and the death scenes are generally satisfying. While the film lacks a bit of the Halloween atmosphere we all no doubt crave, it’s still a very successful picture that packs a powerful final reel and introduces a few characters that will always be respected in the Halloween universe.
Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers: And here’s the point at which the franchise begins to take a very noticeable hit in quality. Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers has a lot of good things going for it, including a credible seasonal vibe and a sharp Myers mask. The focal gang of protagonists are generally likable, and the brutality of the picture is going to please those who need unforgiving violence from their Halloween flicks. It’s not a bad film per se; however, it does feel a bit gratuitous from time to time, and the closing moments and final showdown with Michael leave a little bit to be desired. While The Return of Michael Myers is very serviceable, ultimately it lacks a little bit of the mystique showcased in some of the stronger franchise features.
Halloween (RZ): Rob Zombie gets a lot of credit for stepping out onto an unstable limb and attempting to actually flesh the story of Michael Myers out a bit more. Up to this point the time Michael spent in a psychiatric ward was largely left to the imagination of the viewer. But Rob actually takes us inside the sanitarium, where we see Michael gradually grow to be a truly heartless monster. That internal examination works surprisingly well. What doesn’t work is the dreadful pacing. What Zombie essentially does is stuff two films into one. It doesn’t entirely work. To take us inside Smith’s Grove is wonderful, and there’s a big story to be told there, which we all wanted to see. But to pull Myers from the sanitarium halfway through the film only to give us a complete rehash of the happenings of John Carpenter’s original feels like way too much; two full-sized packages stuffed into a rather small box. This movie doesn’t function under any standard setup. This isn’t a three-act film, or even a four-act film; it feels like there are a half dozen acts to take in, and that absolutely demolishes the continuity of the picture. It doesn’t feel cohesive, and that’s a damn shame because there’s a wealth of promise to behold in the first 45 minutes.
Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers: The good thing about the fifth film in the Halloween franchise is that it feels like an adequate follow-up to Halloween 4. Unfortunately, beyond that, it’s not a shining installment in any way. The on-screen performances feel half-hearted, with Donald Pleasence providing the lone spirited showing; the story feels atypically lazy; and the conclusion of the film is just embarrassing. Somehow director Dominique Othenin-Girard even fails to capture the essence of the holiday… a major no-no. Now, if you’re as dedicated to the franchise as I am, you’ll happily tune in to this one, but you’re likely doing so for your annual Michael Myers dose and nothing more. John Carpenter’s mesmerizing creation slips deeper into the pool of forgetfulness with this one, but believe it or not, it still gets worse. Much worse.
Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers: There was ambition in The Curse of Michael Myers; that much cannot be denied. Screenwriter Daniel Farrands makes a valiant attempt at adding some intricate layers to the story, and he also makes a run at appealing to fans of Carpenter’s original by reintroducing Tommy Doyle, now grown, informed, and extremely paranoid. But all the cult nonsense comes across as astoundingly convoluted, so much so that it becomes rather easy to find your attention shifting from the film to… well, just about anything else because unfortunately, just about anything else is more interesting than this story. The gore has been ratcheted up to unnecessary levels, and while Dimension may have felt that would charm moviegoers, the truth is it is just blatantly lame, gratuitous silliness. The producer’s cut of this picture (which ranks fourth on this list) is immeasurably stronger so if you’re looking to sit back and enjoy a Halloween marathon, bypass the theatrical version in favor of the producer’s cut. The difference is night and day.
Halloween II (RZ): Rob Zombie delivers some mixed goods. Sometimes his work comes across as absolutely riveting, and sometimes it feels utterly devoid of direction or calculated restraint. Halloween II fits into the latter category. It’s plagued by some dreadful pacing (much like Rob’s first go at the Halloween brand, the flick feels completely misstructured); unnecessary, dramatic, and unlikable character changes (virtually everyone in the movie, sans the great Sheriff Brackett, has suddenly become a completely different person and it doesn’t work for a single second); strange visions of a white horse; and a vocal Michael Myers. It’s all wrong, defecates on everything we know of the Halloween storyline, and feels about as forced as a number two in the midst of the world’s worst case of constipation. You’d think it can’t get much worse for the Halloween series than this… but alas, somehow it does.
Halloween Resurrection: Let’s just call it like it is: Halloween Resurrection is a total and complete bomb. There isn’t a single element of the picture that is enjoyable. There’s an attempt to combine the standard cinematic approach and that of the handy-cam variety, but it doesn’t work in the least bit. In the opening moments of the picture we see the great and resilient Laurie Strode meet her demise, and it’s both anticlimactic and unjust; Strode deserved to depart the Halloween universe on a far grander note in a far stronger film. To be as blunt as possible, Halloween Resurrection is a shit-storm of a film that you’re better off avoiding. And if you find yourself asking, “What in the fuck was Rick Rosenthal thinking?,” you’re not alone in your inquiry.