This week you have read (on almost every genre website) about the petitions that have been created to close Knott’s Scary Farm attractions, ban Halloween props from Home Depot and boycott M. Night Shyamalan’s upcoming film Split. These petitions have been created because something has been considered to be insensitive to various communities. And these big corporations are listening and removing things that are deemed “offensive.”
So with all these petitions really affecting change within these large corporations, here are a few NEW possible petitions that someone in our horror community should create to get these big companies to pay attention to these serious issues facing our horror community…
Petition for Target and Walmart to Leave Halloween Displays up for a Minimum of 8 Weeks.
The horror community requests Target and Walmart to withhold the Christmas takeover until November 1st. We horror fans want to spend money on your Halloween props and trinkets, as well as costumes and candy, but it seems like every year the big stores give us with a few weeks of Halloween and then shift to Christmas before October even starts. We like Christmas too, but please, dedicate at least 4 aisles to proudly display your Halloween goodies from September 1st through October 31st.
Side Note: Maybe we can petition this in Congress since it is such a serious issue. Prop 666: No More Xmas Takeover Until November 1st.
Petition to Uber and Lyft to Play Halloween Music During the Month of October.
The horror community requests that each car deployed by Uber and Lyft during the month of October is prepared with a Halloween playlist that starts with Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” as soon as you open the door and enter the car. Just imagine how cool it would be to hear the opening notes of “Thriller” greeting you as you get inside the vehicle! Everybody loves “Thriller”; it’s just a true fact. Also, if the car comes equipped with an in-dash DVD player, the classic films Halloween, Halloween III or Trick r Treat should be playing for the duration of the ride.
Counter to the above petition: Petition to ban Michael Jackson’s “Thriller,” “Monster Mash” and “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” from all Halloween playlists for at last a couple of years. These songs are too easy to pick, and I am offended that every Halloween playlist isn’t being creative enough to find new or different songs.
Petition for the Syfy channel or Sci-fi Channel (or Whatever it’s Called Now) to Ban Shark Films for One Year.
The horror community requests a one-year ban on all shark crossover films. My wife is a scuba diver, and I am offended that Syfy makes light of the very real and very scary possibility of shark attacks. Films with robot sharks and sharks in tornadoes are fine because that is absurdist humor and clearly not offensive, but all others are 100% offensive and forbidden.
Banned sharks to include: ghost sharks, mega sharks, presidential sharks, atomic sharks, ice sharks, busty sharks, dino sharks, sand sharks, zombie sharks, smart sharks, devilish sharks, Jersey Shore sharks, 2-, 3- and 4-headed sharks, geriatric sharks, and any form of a sharktopi.
Petition Any of the Big 7 Media Conglomerates to Create 2 Exclusive Horror Divisions.
We are looking at you, Fox, Time Warner, Sony, Comcast, Viacom, Disney, and CBS.
The horror community requests that just one of the big 7 media conglomerates halt production of one huge budget remake and spend that money to instead create 2 dedicated horror divisions: one division for low budget horror (under $500k) and one for BIG budget horror ($1 million to $1.3 million). Each division will fund, create and distribute a minimum of 100 movies per year.
There are so many new and talented filmmakers that these companies can utilize to reinvigorate the genre. With 100 films, your studio is bound to have at least a few films hit really big, and that equals FRANCHISE! You hit the big time! As a studio executive, you may be thinking that remaking a popular 80’s film is a better financial investment than a bunch of low budget horror films, but actually, if you look at Netflix, Hulu or Amazon, they consistently buy low rent horror films. And the best part is that we horror fans are plentiful and we love variety. Load us up with R-, PG- and PG13- or even G-rated family horror films because we love all different kinds of horror films. We aren’t even that picky; you build it, and we will come. Just like in Field of Dreams. (Heck, do a horror baseball film; we have crossover sports fans too!)
Trust me, this makes sound financial sense too!
Here is a breakdown of the way the money can be spent. A (modest) average budget of a summer blockbuster with marketing is $120 million:
Starting backwards from the $120 million mark:
This is a grand total of $106,000,000.
This leaves you with approximately $14,000,000 of pure profit… so, no matter what each film grosses you are already in profit!!!
Again, I know it’s very tempting to try to relaunch the big budget remake of Top Gun, Flashdance or Crocodile Dundee, but resist the urge to remake these classics and kick-start your very own horror division and watch as you will literally OWN the horror genre and sleep on a bed made of $100 dollar bills! The choice is yours: Roll the dice on another comic book film, remake, or sequel; or create the next golden age of horror!
Side Note: To the super smart studio exec who agrees with me, my email is dan@spookydan.com. Let’s do lunch!
Petition to add Original content to Shudder, Screambox, Chiller and Frightpix.
We, the horror community, request that these four digital TV channels produce and create or pick up original horror films and shows. Yes, we all love the idea of having huge catalogs of horror film at our fingertips, but where is the original content? Each channel has a few exclusives, but none has embraced the idea of giving us something new to follow. We already pay for Netflix, Amazon and Hulu, so let’s skip the horror films they already carry, as well as the public domain stuff that we can easily find on YouTube. It is time for these amazing companies to access the endless number of indie horror films that are looking for distribution and/or gaining festival attention. Also, there are hundreds of great horror themed podcasts and vloggers ready to sell you content. Add exclusive things, gain more paid subscribers.
Side note #1: This month all four of these companies are actually working hard at this, and we hope that they continue to do this past the Halloween season.
Side note #2: If anyone at these companies is listening, I have a Christmas film called Slay Belles, ready to be exclusive holiday content!
Petition for Marvel to Start Production on Marvel Zombies.
We in the horror community request that Marvel include Marvel Zombies in their never-ending slate of superhero films in production over the next 5 years. We can all agree that Marvel makes great films, but Deadpool and Suicide Squad have proven that audiences want something a bit more edgy. Marvel needs to get pre-production in gear for Marvel Zombies. It doesn’t even have to compete with the big tentpoles; it can be direct to video; we horror fans will all watch it.
Petition for all North American Strip Clubs to Include Terror Tuesdays in the Month of October.
We in the horror community request that all North American strip clubs begin horror themed strip and burlesque shows every Tuesday from 9pm until midnight. Fake blood should be required for at least 3 of the performers during the Terror Tuesday shows.
Petition for “TED Talks” to do a Conference that Focuses on the Challenges that We in the Horror Community Face.
TEDHORRORX: The horror community would like “TED Talks” to host a day-long conference at the Stanley Hotel to discuss the issues and challenges that we face as horror fans. TEDHORRORX topics will include:
How to Overcome Found Footage Fatigue. Learn the warning signs to identify and avoid these clichéd films. Also how to overcome motion sickness when watching the particularly bouncy films. By Michael Gingold / Horror Expert
Team-Up with Your Peers from Around the World. Leaders in the horror community need to unify and bring us the International Horror League. As the horror community grows by leaps and bounds, we need to create a non-profit organization to help each other decide which podcasts, conventions and films deserve our time and support. By SpookyDan Walker / Horror Culture Activist
Take My Money… Please! Crowdfunding is here to stay; this seminar will help you decide where to donate your hard-earned dollars to a film that fits you best. TBD / Crowdfunding Expert
The End of the Magazine Era, and the Where to go Now to Find Horror Insider Information in the Information Age. By Tony Timpone / Horror Icon and Fangoria Expert
Convention Sickness Abolished: How to Avoid Catching the “Nerdflu.” By Sean Clark / Convention Expert
Official Zombies Ban. With the exception of “The Walking Dead” TV show, all zombie films will be banned for 2 years from any true horror fans; let’s weed out the filmmakers that are just trying to cash in on popular horror tropes by banning together and all agreeing that we will not touch this tired genre. By George Romero / Zombie Expert
Is VR the Future of Horror? Virtual Reality is about to create an influx of new horror content, and new revenue streams for the horror community; learn how YOU can join in the VR revolution. By Jon Condit / Virtual Reality Expert
The Dead Communication. Future Ted tech talk about the advances in technology to actually speak with the dead using advances in the digital age to communicate with the deceased. By Uncle Creepy and Joe Knetter / Paranormal Experts
Scream or Shout. A debate with the heads of the companies behind the retro deluxe addition DVD and Blu-ray reissues of the genre’s favorite films. Who does it better? What films do we want to see reissued? And the challenges of getting the big stars of past horror films to do interviews for these retrospective little films. Moderated by Rob G., Rebekah McKendry and Elric Kane / Host of ScreamWaves Podcast and Blumhouse Experts
Petition for Blumhouse to do More Top Ten Lists.
We in the horror community love these, and I am personally offended that they don’t do more of them! So let’s make it law that every Tuesday and Thursday they must do a new horror themed Top 10 list.
Here is our Top 10 most wanted Top 10 Lists we want to see in the future:
Petition to All Horror Conventions to Streamline the Long Wait Entrance Lines.
This one is particularly personal to me, not the horror community at large, but a few people will agree that this is another worthy addition to these petitions.
Last month at an unnamed horror convention, I was forced to wait in a line for 45 minutes, just to get inside the convention. I know I didn’t pre-buy my tickets, that’s my bad, but I needed to get inside and purchase a Vincent Price exclusive action figure before they sold out, and guess what… they were sold out. Now I won’t look like a true horror fan when people come to my home to visit; they will look at my shelves of horror action figures and see that Vincent Price is missing and make fun of me for being a poseur. Which in turn has caused me extreme emotional grief.
I love Vincent Price, but how will anyone know this if I don’t have his likeness lovingly displayed in a prime viewing location in my home. Sure, I have Jack Skellington, Choptop and Frankenstein figures on my shelves, but I know that some people in our community are old school and I need to impress them too! What would Eli Roth say if he came into my home and noticed that Vincent Price is missing from the shelves?!? He would probably delete my info from his phone and not listen to me anymore when I argue that Frankenhooker is a top 10 all-time horror film.
Petition for Change to Knott’s Berry Farm to Knott’s Scary Farm 365 Nights a Year.
The horror community requests that Knott’s Scary Farm keeps its haunted attractions open all year long. This is clearly the right move considering the number of people that attend Knott’s during haunt season. Imagine how many people can stay employed at the haunt and how much money Knott’s can make by turning every night into Knott’s Scary Farm all year… you will have no completion 10 months out of each year, and you can keep the regular Knott’s open during daylight hours for the 23 people who still like Snoopy.
Possible taglines they could use:
Editors Note: Sensitivity Warning: Let’s get real for a quick moment. www.change.org and www.gofundme.org have done amazing things for a variety of people, who in a time of need were able to call attention to issues, and thus enabling their voices need to be heard. This article is not meant to make light of these organizations, but only to address the important and often overlooked issues that each horror fan has to deal with on a daily basis.