Top 13 Killer Animal Flicks!
Kingdom of the Spider (1977)
Okay, so theoretically this list is supposed to be about killer animals. We recently had our Top 10 Creepy Crawly films for the bug infestation enthusiasts out there, but Kingdom of the Spiders is just too…je ne sais quoi…to leave off the animal attack list. William Shatner is so perfect in this role as he battles legions upon legions of tarantulas! Ugh. Any film that hires ‘Mexican spider wranglers’ and pays them $10 for every eight-legged beastie they can deliver is off to a good, icky start. The picture was filmed for $500,000, the aforementioned Mexican spider wranglers managed to procure 5,000 (that’s right, five thousand friggin’ tarantulas!), so doing the math (…carry the five…) $50,000, or 10 percent of Kingdom of the Spiders’ total budget, was spent on hairy-legged extras (spiders, not hippie chicks). Bleech!
Grizzly Man (2005)
You may not have seen this one coming, but yeah, it doesn’t really get much more horrific than this. A delusional, crazy-guy with a bit of a hubris problem, filming hours upon hours of himself playing with grizzly bears, until…big surprise here…the big muther truckers decide that his entertainment value is not nearly as high as his nutritional value. I’ll let you all make your shocked faces here. For those of you unfamiliar with the film, Grizzly Man is a documentary about grizzly enthusiast Timothy Treadwell who filmed himself interacting with grizzly bears in Alaska for 13 years…and then they ate him and his girlfriend. Fin. Filmmaker Werner Herzog was alert enough to realize that this legitimate found footage would make a compelling story. And he was right. Another film just trying to teach a lesson. Stay the hell away from grizzly bears because if they want to eat you, you’re gonna be food. You can’t outrun them, can’t outswim them. Try climbing a tree? Good luck with that. Learn from Treadwell’s mistakes, do not feed the bears!