Finally! It’s October! Well, close enough.
If you’re like me, you’ve been knee-deep in candy corn whilst listening to “Monster Mash” and buying the pumpkin spice version of everything since July. (Seriously, I have pumpkin scented cleaning spray and my own children call me “basic” to my face)
The amount of time I spend in Target Holiday aisles aside, it’s only fitting we celebrate the robust horror feast Amazon Prime is about to lay on us in two weeks.
With that in mind, here’s every horror film coming to Amazon Prime this October, including my thoughts on the ones that fill my black heart with the most joy…or dread.
You Were Never Really Here (2017)
The biggest new title of the month features promises of Joaquin Phoenix losing his mind and murdering people with a hammer. No, it’s not a documentary about his weekends.
[REC] 4: Apocalypse (2014)
Almost Mercy (2015)
An American Werewolf In Paris (1997)
Candyman: Farewell To The Flesh (1995)
Ultra creepy and weirdly off tone Carrie is a great mood setter for the season. It’s a must for my personal Halloween playlist. Or for when my co-workers throw their dirty linens at me in the showers.
The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999)
Child’s Play (1988)
Get yourself in the mood for Halloween by screaming “Give me the power! I beg of you!” in the restroom at work. You might get fired but no-one will ever call you boring. Plus you’ll have time to dissect why the hell anyone would ever try and remake Childs Play after all these years of staying true to canon… At least we’ll have the television series.
Curse of Chucky (2013)
Deadly Blessing (1981)
My personal “This sounds awesome but it can’t be because if it were I would have heard of it more before now” pick of the month. Wes Craven directs this 80’s horror film involving a religious community with evil plans. I don’t care what you say, 5.5 on IMDB. I’m looking forward to watching this one.
I know its October and we’re all feeling precisely 27% more Goth than usual but please don’t kill your friends and try and bring them back to life. Kiefer Sutherland and Kevin Bacon are cool enough to do that. You are going to end up on an HBO Documentary special at best. Great October flick to set the mood….FOR HORROR, you sycophants.
Let Me In (2010)
David Cronenberg, Doug Bradley, and Nicholas Vince in a film directed by Clive Barker in a film about mutant rejects? Halloween month goodness for everyone.
Once Bitten (1985)
Sure, it’s a comedy but who would’ve thought Jim Carrey would be on this list twice?
Poltergeist III (1988)
Do not, I repeat DO NOT play a drinking game in which every time someone says the name Carol-Anne you take a shot. You will absolutely die. Don’t even try it with water. You’ll drown. Poltergeist II is currently on Amazon Prime as well but the original for some reason isn’t. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
Return of the Living Dead (1985)
My personal favorite zombie film of all time. Thom Matthews (Jason Lives), zombies and hilarity held together by a lynchpin of punk rock. “This isn’t a costume, it’s a way of life.”
Satan’s Little Helper (2004)
Texas Chainsaw Massacre II (1986)
Normally, I’d spend this paragraph complaining about the lack of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre being included in the name of completism (The 2003 remake is currently streaming). However, this is one of those wacky-ass sequels that can be viewed on its own and still feel like a complete experience. Hell, it’s so batshit it probably should be viewed this way. The highlight of the entire film? Drayton referring to a grenade as a “Fuck you, Charlie.”
The Amityville Horror (2005)
The original 1979 classic is currently streaming on Prime right now and is a better movie. Still yet, this underrated remake provides a visceral experience, albeit less creepy. Also, Ryan Reynolds is a huge son of a bitch with an equally underrated acting ability at this point in his career. Platinum Dunes did a lot more good remaking these types of horror franchises in the 2000’s than many give the Michael Bay associated company credit for.
The Cell (2000)
The Fog (2005)
“11:55, almost midnight. Enough time for one more story. One more story before 12:00….just to keep us warm.”
I’d rather go out into the fog, crawl through the mist and into the further on broken glass than ever watch this remake again. Find the original. At all costs.
The Number 23 (2007)
Guilty pleasure all the way. I’m not, however going to try and change the world’s mind on this one. I realize that one minute of deep thought on this storyline it breaks down faster than an E! Entertainment interview with Jamie Lee Curtis. Alas, if you can forget how to use the power of thought it’s rather entertaining.
The Raven (1963)
The Skeleton Key (2005)
The Strangers (2008)
The scariest commercial home invasion movie of all time. It’s not as savage as Funny Games and there are dumb character choices galore but I’ll be damned if that potato sack mask isn’t scary at night. Perfect for entertaining that loved one in your life who wants to be scared but isn’t into ending the evening crying in the fetal position in the shower and having their entire psyche scarred. (See previous Funny Games reference)
The Uninvited (2009)
Zombies Of Mass Destruction (2010)
Night Of The Living Deb (2016)
The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018)
It’s like getting into a truck with a masked psycho who has a sense of humor, driving like a bat out of hell through a campground full of neon lights and listening to 80’s dance tracks while an ax is swung at you. Yeah, I nailed it.
The Devil (2010)
Donnie Darko (2001)
Don’t question my commitment to sparkle motion. This one lands on my top ten of all-time list. Jake Gyllenhaal and Director Richard Kelly take teen angst and broken suburbia to mind-fuck level 9. You’ve most likely seen Donnie Darko but if not, this will be a memorable experience for you. Happy googling “Explain Donnie Darko” afterward.
I haven’t had the pleasure of checking this one out yet but it mixes pizza and horror together so what the shit am I waiting for? Props to Amazon for snagging this one up mere weeks after it hit the VOD circuit.
Lore: Season 2 (Amazon Original Series 2018)
Bad Samaritan (2018)
That’s a whole lot of horror. That’s just one streaming service! Halloween is nigh! Stay tuned for horror round-ups for every major streaming service and their Samhain offerings. What do you plan on watching this month? Thanks for reading!