Horror’s Top 13 Craziest Monsters
Steve Barton
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Zombies, vampires and werewolves, oh my! Classic monsters are always a good way for horror filmmakers to go, but sometimes we see more… unique… beasties on the screen. And when they go well (and even when they don’t), they’re some of the most memorable characters in the genre.
In celebration of the Irish sci-fi comedy film Grabbers, which hit VOD and other digital outlets on July 19 and contains some pretty wild monsters of its own, we’ve compiled a list of Horror’s Top 13 Craziest Monsters!
As always, we’d like to start out with some honorable mentions. Slither and its old school relative Night of the Creeps both gave us a swarm of memorable leech-like monsters. The Host dropped us into an unexpected nightmare on a typical South Korean afternoon with a very unique movie monster. And even though he ended up going mainstream and had his own Saturday morning cartoon, The Toxic Avenger certainly deserves an honorable mention here. Finally, we’ve got to mention another beast that became a household name but got his start by shocking the audience with his appearance: Predator featured two actors who would go on to become United States governors and one monster that was like nothing we’ve seen before. Awesome! And am I the only one who would have loved to see Predator fight Rawhead Rex?
Now, on to….
Sharknado
Can we possibly start this list with anything other than the red-hot Sharknado? What could be more outlandishly entertaining than a tornado blowing through Los Angeles (as LA has long been known as Tornado Alley West) filled with man-eating sharks that it periodically dumps on unsuspecting civilians below? From Ian Ziering’s heroic (albeit lengthy) school bus rescue and shark chainsaw evisceration to the dude getting squashed by a piece of the Hollywood sign to the unforgettable line “We’re gonna need a bigger chopper,” Sharknado is gold. Absolutely ridiculous and at the same time totally captivating. It’s a combination you don’t see very often, but then again, when was the last time a tornado – correction, shark-infested tornado – blew through LA? We’re truly not in Kansas anymore.
Sharktopus
I know, I know, another oddball shark film; but Sharktopus was enough of a freak of nature to stand on its own on this list. However, we will let Sharktopus represent all of the recent Roger Corman-produced hybrid beastie films such as Piranhaconda, Dinocroc vs. Supergator and Camel Spiders. Sharktopus, or S-11 as he’s known to the US Navy, paved the way for Sharknado by making the ridiculous fun. Of course it wasn’t the first film to do that. Not by a longshot. But if you’re like me and you’re putting together a list of amazingly outlandish movie monsters, how can you not put the dastardly Sharktopus on the list? You simply must include it. Therefore, here it is.
The Thing With Two Heads
Okay, pure horror?… probably not. But if you want to talk about creatures that are way out there, perhaps nothing fits the bill better than The Thing With Two Heads. Roosevelt Grier was an actor, singer, professional football player (a member of the LA Rams’ “Fearsome Foursome”) and bodyguard for Senator Bobby Kennedy. Although he was guarding the Senator’s wife, Ethel, during Kennedy’s assassination, it was Grier who took control of the gun and subdued the assassin, Sirhan Sirhan (who may or may not have been a Manchurian candidate, according to former Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura). But regardless of all his lifelong accomplishments, outrageous movie fans best remember Grier for his performance in The Thing With Two Heads, an exploitation flick about a dying bigot who has his head transplanted onto a black man scheduled for an electric chair execution. And hilarity ensues. You think Sharknado is ridiculously funny? Give The Thing With Two Heads a try.
Oderus Urungus- “Holliston”
Metal fans are completely familiar with Oderus Urungus. He’s an intergalactic being who comes from the planet Scumdogia. He’s apparently 43 billion years old, but he just recently found a home on a kick-ass television show called “Holliston.” Oderus plays Adam Green’s imaginary alien friend who lives in his closet. Strange? I’d say so. Oderus’ father was a supercomputer and his mother was a Petri dish, but his contributions to “Holliston” could not be more impactful. He can be hilarious and disturbing in one single pass of his magic wand (named “Unt Lick” for those keeping score at home). Oderus is certainly one of the most off-putting characters in the history of the situation comedy. He makes that fuckhead Eddie Haskell look like a choirboy.
Merman- The Cabin in the Woods
The Cabin in the Woods was absolutely loaded with all kinds of crazy monsters, and the climax of the film was a veritable cornucopia of evil beasties. However, one did stand out more than the others. Probably because of the hype he received before we saw him, the merman was one of the standout characters in The Cabin in the Woods. His coming was foretold by Bradley Whitford, and when he finally showed up, it was a hilarious and gory moment. Perfectly done.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space
Goddamn clowns. We all hate them, don’t we? So friggin’ creepy. In the Chiodo Brothers’ legendary film Killer Klowns from Outer Space, we get a number of clowns terrorizing humanity. And can you think of a stranger group of psychotic killers than the Killer Klowns? They’re brutal, they’re ugly as sin and they can all fit in a small car together. As antagonists go, the Killer Klowns are some of the most memorable ever!
Leprechaun
Yes, he’s got several movies under his belt, but let’s be honest; a killer leprechaun is a bit of a ridiculous concept. And he’s been to da hood, to space and then back to da hood. Played by Warwick Davis, the leprechaun is a great character that is instantly recognizable. And as far as being a crazy horror beastie, how could you go wrong with this Leprechaun? The only other regular mainstream sightings of leprechauns are in St. Patrick’s Day parades and on the side of Lucky Charms boxes. He never gets mentioned amongst the legendary horror killers like Jason, Freddy and Michael Myers, but he’s been featured in six films and there’s also been talk about WWE Films relaunching the series with Hornswaggle playing the title character. Erin go bragh!
Rubber
One of the strangest horror antagonists you’ll ever see was featured in Rubber. What is it? For those of you not in the know on this one, the killer in Rubber is an abandoned tire. That’s right; a tire left in the desert animates itself into a living being and kills its victims via telekinesis. Yes, I know. However, Rubber did features some impressive F/X work and great humor as well. Plus, we’re fans of minimalism here at DC. He may not be the most detailed or intricate killer on the list, but Rubber certainly stands on its own for uniqueness.
District 9
Presented by Peter Jackson (who appears on our list once again below), District 9 brought us some of the coolest and most unique aliens ever to be trapped on planet Earth. With an intimidating exoskeleton and a Lovecraftian face, the District 9 aliens were a horrific-looking bunch. But somehow we were able to sympathize with them by the end of the film, which is a testament to the filmmakers. It’s not like they were cute and cuddly at all. These were warrior aliens, but their depth made them that much more appealing. A dazzling alien life-form for sure.
Sandywitch- House
One of the greatest horror-comedy films of all time has to be House from 1986. And the most memorable character from that movie was, without a doubt, Sandywitch. She was a hideous, buxom and bloodthirsty monster who was actually played by comedian Peter Pitofsky. Sandywitch morphed into being from the lovely Kay Lenz, who was playing the wife of William Katt, who starred in the film. Katt would eventually pump a couple of shotgun slugs into Sandywitch, but she had a great run while she was still kicking!
Vera Cosgrove (Lionel’s Mum) –Dead Alive
She begins Peter Jackson’s classic film by being bitten by a Sumatran Rat-Monkey… and it all goes downhill from there. Vera was nearly single-handedly responsible for causing an undead apocalypse. Her early antics included things like eating her own ear, but she’s most memorable for her grand finale scene. You remember: She has morphed into this giant demonic beast and ends up of returning her son, Lionel, into her monstrously mutated womb. Vera was nothing if not… disgusting.
Audrey II- Little Shop of Horrors
“I’m a Mean, Green Mother from Outer Space!” Oh, how true is that song?! As a musical number featured in Little Shop of Horrors, “Mean, Green Mother” is the perfect description of Audrey II. And for those who need a refresher, Audrey II is an alien life-form who appears as a huge Venus Fly Trap voiced by Levi Stubbs of The Four Tops in the film adaptation of the musical. Rick Moranis plays Seymour, the nerdy flower shop worker who finds himself feeding Audrey II blood… and eventually human flesh! Audrey II is flamboyant, outrageous and bloodthirsty! Who could ask for anything more?
C.H.U.D.
Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers. Beings that were once human but now live below the streets of New York and feed on the homeless living there as well. Funny how this all happened right around the whole “Clean Up New York” campaign. Maybe Mayor Giuliani had some C.H.U.D.s on the payroll. Anyway, as will happen, the homeless population started to run sparse, and the C.H.U.D.s began coming topside to feast on the unsuspecting citizens of NYC. Isn’t that a kick in the ass? As you would expect with a character as entertaining as this, C.H.U.D. is a cult classic with mentions everywhere from “The Simpsons” to “Archer” to Clerks 2 and even kids’ shows like “Phineas and Ferb.” Hell, The Misfits even sported a drummer called Dr. C.H.U.D. (he and Dr. Gash actually went to the same medical school). C.H.U.D.s must go down as one of the craziest, and most beloved, characters of all time!
We hope you enjoyed our Top 13 Craziest Monsters in horror, and, by all means, please check out Grabbers, which is available online now!
Helmed by Jon Wright and penned by Kevin Lehane, the creature feature stars Richard Coyle (Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time), Ruth Bradley (Flyboys), and Russell Tovey (“Being Human” UK).
Synopsis:
Ciarán O’Shea, the handsome though washed up policeman of sleepy Erin Island, has a daily routine consisting mainly of hanging out at the pub with the local drunks and various other charmingly eccentric characters. But his day is about to go horribly wrong.
Teamed up with the unwanted help of Lisa – an uptight workaholic policewoman from the Irish mainland – they suddenly find themselves dealing with dead whales, decapitated fishermen and weird alien creatures or “grabbers”. Like a giant squid with tentacles, fanged jaws and a three-foot barbed tongue, they’re making mincemeat of the locals.
Faced with another imminent attack, O’Shea and Lisa figure out that the only person to survive the last onslaught only did so because he was so drunk his blood was literally toxic to the monsters. So there is only one thing for it: They have to get the entire village as drunk as possible in order to survive the night … a task that the villagers apply themselves to with gusto.
But one person must remain sober so for the first time in years O’Shea has to face up to things without a drink. When things don’t go to plan, an extremely drunk Lisa and a very sober O’Shea have to reconcile their differences and somehow save the day.
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