The Best of the Worst Claustrophobic Moments in Film

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Jaws: the Revenge – Gonna catch some hell on this one, I’m sure. Fine – let me have it. But before you do…consider that I’m considering the circumstance of the character, and not the film itself. Lance Guest plays Michael, one of the haunted Brody brothers. Michael has been coping with shark attacks since puberty, so he’s grown up to be marine biologist who spends all day in the ocean. Director Joseph Sargent sticks Brody undersea with a potentially supernatural beheamoth…chasing him…into an abandoned ship…that Brody can’t get out of. The scene ends with Brody stuck between a rock and hundreds of razor sharp hard places. The film still sucks as much as you want it to suck, but watching Brody struggle with a sunken, sea-crusted door while a Megalodon’s ghostly cousin huffs down his wetsuit’s collar freaks me out. Freaks me right the fuck OUT. The scene also makes absolutely no sense, as sharks typically don’t enter tight spaces they can’t get out of, because they have no reverse shift. However, I think that’s part of what gets me about the scene – the shark doesn’t give a damn. All it wants is that sweet Brody blood, which must be more delicious than Sookie Stackhouse’s.

Creepshow – Ted Danson has been lovin’ Leslie Neilson’s wife. No good, Teddy. Leslie Neilson, contrary to popular belief, is capable of wicked shit. I can only hope that some of our younger viewers are reading this now, and have no idea who Leslie Neilson is. When they Google his name and realize that he’s the funny guy from The Naked Gun franchise, I sincerely wish they will sit with Creepshow and witness his ruthless attack on the Knight in Shining Corduroy. For those who have sat through it, I ask you: Ever wonder if you could wiggle one finger, then another, then another, then your thumb? Think you could ever get out that way? I don’t ever want to find out, but on the other hand, I’m pretty sick of the potential success or failure of this tactic keeping me up at night.


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