Foycast 8: The Ten Worst DTV Films of 2009

Foycast 8You wanted it! You demanded it! You waited for it! You got it! At long last, the Foycast is back, baby! It always seems to take a while, but the wait is worth it.

Over an hour of audio for your ears to choke on. You’ll hear about stomach viruses, computer viruses, my video collection, and how certain indie horror films are sucking my will to live. That will lead into the annual listing of the worst DVD horror movies of the past year. I’ll even leave all of you as speechless Uncle Creepy was when I conclude the podcast with a dramatic reading from a schlocky book from my past. You ain’t heard nothing yet!

Things get off to a slow start as Uncle Creepy and I do the usual explanation as to what the heck took so long in getting a new Foycast recorded, a discussion during which you’ll probably hear more about stomach viruses than you ever wanted to from either of us.

Then I just randomly read off the titles of some of the videos in my VHS collection. This part admittedly is not as entertaining as it could have been because I spent most of that segment desperately trying to belch. If I sound a little short of breath during that portion, it’s because I was drinking a Pepsi as we began the show and experienced that sensation when you really, really, really want to belch but you just can’t. I hate that. You have no idea how close you all came to hearing a Godzilla-sized belch on the air.

The soda-induced gas finally passes in time for what many of you have been bugging me about for weeks: the annual top ten of the worst direct-to-DVD horror movies of 2009. It’s an eclectic mix of old and new, American and foreign, low budget and no budget; and in a shocking turn of events, not a single Asylum production makes the list this year.

Wrapping it all up is something truly special, something never before done on a Dread Central podcast, something that will blow your minds. A dramatic literary reading by yours truly! Bad cinema gives way to schlocky literature as I read a passage from a very special book from my past. I’ve done some poetry in past podcasts but never anything quite like this.

So sit back and enjoy the eighth installment of the Foycast. Opening the show is a musical salute to that most noble warrior of the poultry kingdom in the form of the majestic theme song to the 1983 cockfighting cinema classic Rooster: Spurs of Death. Truly the proudest bird I know.

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    • krawlingkhaos

      Why can’t I get this on itunes?

      • The Woman In Black

        It should be added shortly.

        • Uncle Creepy

          In fact it’s already there!

    • LifeMi

      Awesome Foycast; it’s great to hear a new one after 8 months of silence. Looking forward to the next one regardless of whether it’ll be ten weeks from now or ten months.

    • Styling Shatner

      OK, now that I’ve listened to it all, I can say that it’s another quality Foycast. It was fun listening to the movies getting ripped apart, but Foy’s soliloquy to close it out = golden. I can just imagine our then prepubescent bad movie watcher asking his mom what “an erection” was, and what her reaction would have been.

      Anyway, the DFF with the epic broomstick-shoving rant was the final 25 or so minutes of Episode 45, where the main talk was about Knowing and The Haunting in Connecticut.

    • RingoJ

      I knew that crab stuff sounded familiar. I’ve got Crustacean Vengeance, a crab short story of his, sitting on my bookshelf.

      This guy has written a lot of books.

    • James Coker

      MUST BUY “CRABS ON……” BOOK!!!!!

      • Foywonder

        At least four more CRAB books from the same author. Should keep you reading for days.

        • James Coker

          Thank You FOY, i just hope the other crab books haven’t been Out of Print, and jeeeez why haven’t this book series been made into a movie…fucking Hollywood

          • VideoKidVsTheVoid

            Just in case you guys haven’t discovered it yet, a movie has been made out of one of Guy N. Smith’s crazy crab novels: ISLAND CLAWS (1980) (adapted from Night Of The Crabs I think). Although, it’s nothing quite like that passage from the podcast!

    • Cash Bailey

      What’s that opening song? Is it Harry Chapin?

      That guy is the darkest, most disturbed songwriter ever.

    • Styling Shatner

      I’ve only gotten up to the part where the dishonorable mentions were starting, but I’ll already say that it’s good stuff, from that Rooster song to the reading of some of the B-movie action titles amongst the 5000 or so movies that Foy has in his collection. I’ve been eagerly anticipating a new Foycast so I’m glad it’s here.