The Best and Worst of 2007
There was a lot of shit this year. I mean a lot of shit. I attempted however to stay away from this shit. I actually missed what many called the worst of the year (or even decade). Movies like The Hitcher and Hills Have Eyes 2 I avoided like the plague. Fuck paying money to see all that crap. A few stinkers did get let in though. But along with all the crap that came out this year, there were also many brilliant films that emerged. Ones that I am happy to say I did not miss. So in that foul year of 2007, I bring you my 5 best and 5 worse horror films of the year.
5. Blood Car - I picked this movie up on a whim thinking it would be low budget fodder that would just make me laugh. I enjoy a straight to DVD shit-fest every now and again. Hell it had the girl from My Girl in it! Had to be somewhat entertaining right? Not only was it hilarious though, it was hilarious for all the RIGHT reasons. I knew as soon as I popped the dvd in and the menu options were "Watch this fucker" and "Some shit about this fucker" I was in for a real treat. The movie is not a bad movie that you laugh at like Troll 2 or House of the Dead, but is generally very funny at times, and is shot beautifully. I have a hard on for cinematography so of course good DP (Director of Photography) work will always please me. A story about a vegan in the future where gas prices are $35 a gallon who creates a car that runs off of human blood and must find fuel and quick just worked so well on so many levels. And because it's not getting a whole lot of Buzz (I just used my name and vain!) I thought I would include it as my number 5 for best of the year.
4. Hatchet - It's not a remake, it's not a sequel and it's not a Japanese one. Hatchet just fucking rocks. A true gem from director Adam Green that made me feel like a horror geek again. It's rare that a throwback movie gets me excited for they usually fall right on their face. However, Hatchet was so much fun, so bloody, and so fucking over the top that I just got giddy and enjoyed the entire experience. It is also probably one of the best movies to watch with a big crowd. I would like to openly thank Adam Green for giving us Hatchet this year, as well as one of the best movie slashers, Victor Crowley. Rock on with yo' bad self, sir.
3. Fido - After Shaun of the Dead, I didn't think a zombie comedy could ever come close to tickling my funny bone the way Shaun did. Not to mention I was getting a big burned out on the zombie genre, especially after watching 10 minutes of Day of the Dead: Contiginumimmnusitous. However, Fido had me in tears. I literally rolled on the floor laughing at one point. The story is basically what you would get if Leave it to Beaver and Shaun of the Dead had a baby. That's Fido all over. The movie takes place in an alternate 50's reality in which zombies have been domesticated into house hold servants and chaos ensues when one zombie breaks free of his restraints. Brilliant film.
2. Grindhouse - It's the movie nobody saw in the theatres but should have. What a glorious, awesome, just fucking fun movie. I don't think I've ever had so much fun in a theatre. Watching both those films together just makes me happy, and the trailers in between are just fucking superb. And I'm still one of the people in the minority that likes Death Proof more than Planet Terror. Admittedly I do get up to use the restroom at the same exact point in DP every time I watch it, so maybe that's why it isn't so boring to me. Who knows, both movies fucking rock, and that's why they are #2 on my list of greatness.
1. Paranormal Activity - The movie you've all heard about, but probably haven't seen. You may be asking yourself why is this number one on my top 5 for the year? Well because this is a list of horror movies, and PA is the only movie that actually scared me this year, I'm putting it at numero uno. I've probably already over hyped the movie so much that no one will really find it as scary as I did, but man the first time I saw this flick I was truly terrified. Hell, the second time I watched it I was just as frightened. The best thing about this movie though is that it is so much fun to watch other people watch it. So hats off to one of the scariest films I've ever seen.
So that is my best of list for the year 2007. Some honorable mentions are needed though. First off, Wrong Turn 2 rocks and would definitely like to give that a shout out for making one kick ass crazy hillbilly movie. Other honorable mentions go to Fincher's Zodiac, 30 Days of Night, 1408, and of course Darabont's awesome Stephen King adaptation, The Mist. And though it hasn't come out yet, The Shark is Still Working is one of the single greatest documentaries on a film I've ever seen. It really needs a release date soon. It's a must see for any Jaws fan.
5. Primeval - Now first, don't get me wrong. For some odd reason I was tickled by this movie. And in the good way. There was just something about seeing Orlando Jones run through the African plains at full speed away from a 30 foot crocodile. That's just special. Does that make it a good movie though? No, it fucking sucks. Primeval is nothing more than just another animal run amok film, with a shitty social commentary. The reason I place it at number 5 and not lower is because it had some truly hilarious scenes in it, the two big ones being the one I already mentioned, and the fate of the crocodile hunter character. And no he does not get killed by a sting ray. Though, sadly, that would make me laugh too. I'm a bad man.
4. I Know Who Killed Me - You have to love a movie that has Lindsay Lohan doing a pole dance strip tease and then fucking some guy while her mom is down stairs. Right? As Lex Luthor would say: "WRONG!" If it wasn't for the multiple unintentional comedic moments and some of the surprisingly well shot scenes, I would have just shoved my head up my own ass in fear of seeing any more. Really what I wanted to do with this one was just write: WTF. That would be my entire reasoning for why it is number 4 on my worst list. Fuck it, I don't need any more reasoning. There you go. I Know Who Killed Me sucks.
3. Ghost Rider - Again I found some extreme humor in this Nic Cage cheese fest. Some might argue it's not horror, but the comic sure as hell is so I'm including it. Plus it was just plain bad, well for a horror film anyways. As a comedy, I'd put it at number one on the best list. What's up with Nic Cage and in being in some of the best comedies of the past years? Wicker Man, Next, and Ghost Rider. The man is a comedic genius! And let's give it up for Eva Mendez for literally sucking all life and substance out of any scene she is in. Not to mention the main villain that just walked out of Hot Topic and decided he wanted to kill shit. Good job at sucking guys, really. My thoughts and prayers go out to Sam Elliot. Sorry you went through that, man. What a complete waste of film.
2. The Messengers - I almost feel as if this little piece of cinematic poop has been forgotten. Not surprising really since it is one of the most utterly forgettable, and mediocre films ever made. This year was full of bad twist ending films, but for me The Messengers takes the prize home for having the worst. The dude from My Big Fat Greek Wedding did it? That deserves a big what the fuck. The acting is bad, the writing is atrocious, and just everything sucks all around. This movie was full of fail and should be voted off the island.
1. Rob Zombie's Halloween - If you were to look up "Bucket of Fail" on Urban Dictionary you would find the definition of a bucket of fail, which this movie is. I know probably half of the other horror journalists out there probably put this as their number one worst as well, and while I try to be different and unique, this movie is just so fucking terrible that it deserves its universal recognition as being a pile of crap. No other movie this year has pissed me off, made me physically inept, and made me want to punch babies more than Rob Zombie's Halloween. I didn't even see the theatrical cut of it either. I only saw the work print, and it was still the worst movie I saw this year. I don't know at what point it hit me that I was watching a shit-fest, but I'm pretty sure it was ALH (After Love Hurts). So far, Zombie is 1 and 2 for me. Devil's Rejects is amazing, but I would love to see the guy branch out of his white trash bullshit. This movie just blows. A big steaming turd that is worse to watch than read IMDB forum comments. That is why it is my number 1 worst movie of 2007.
Now admittedly I didn't see uber shit (at least I'm told is uber shit) like The Hitcher, Dead Silence, and Hills Have Eyes 2 so maybe my list is a little off. I'll deal with it though since I didn't melt my brain with that other shit. I do have a few dishonorable mentions though. First off, Alien vs Hunter deserves a mention. It was terrible. But I knew it was going to be terrible, and I felt nothing for it. No spite or venom to throw at it so I left it off the list. Then there is Spider-Man 3. Is it horror? Well using the transitive property it sure is. See, Ghostbusters is a horror comedy, and since Spider-Man 3's ending is essentially the ending of Ghostbusters' (Stay Puft Marshmallow Sandman, Venom the Destructor, etc), that makes Spider-Man 3 a horror comedy action movie. And it fucking sucks.
That's it for me. This year has been full of win and fail. I'm just glad I was able to catch most of the win and dodge most of the fail. See you all next year. This is The Buz, signing off.