The Best and Worst of 2007
The Orphanage - This was a fantastic surprise. It’s the tale of a family trying to create something good in a place harboring a dark, brooding secret. As is always the case, this secret won’t stay buried, clawing its way through the cold ground to invade their lives. Since my viewing, I’ve had people tell me they weren’t as blown away as I was, but their screening was on DVD. This leads me to believe you HAVE TO SEE THIS ON A BIG SCREEN with other people reacting around you!! At any rate, this movie will creep you out big time one minute and tear your heart out the next. It’s not often a horror film has the emotional content this film has. Let’s hope it gets the release it deserves.
Black Sheep - This year's big blockbuster with killer sheep and people turning into were-sheep. Now, I know what you are saying. How many times do I need to watch bloodthirsty sheep go on a rampage??! Listen. This time, it’s different. You owe it to yourself to say JUST ONE MORE TIME…It’s me and a sheep. Nuff said.
28 Weeks Later - A love story about bitey people finding each other against all odds. This is the sequel to 28 Days, about the UK desperately trying to regain a foothold on humanity and failing miserably. It’s an angrier, faster, more visceral animal and super fucking fun. What’s more to say?
Sunshine - A largely sci-fi film created by a director that swears up and down he doesn’t set out to scare the shit out of his audience. Danny Boyle likes to spin a dreamy tale full of breathtaking visuals and amazing music and then yank the ground out from under you with a scene of horror that gets a grip around your small intestines and tugs till it’s tight. There. Put that on the DVD cover. Heh!
The Tripper - Described very simply to anyone I wanted to sell it to as follows: Ronald Reagan, in the woods with an axe, killing hippies. I haven’t had so much fun in a theater with horror fans in a long time. Hatchet was a close second!
The Reaping - A flawed concept from the start, filled with plagues that, by today’s standards, don’t compare to ebola, bird flu or even really bad crabs.
Zodiac - Now here was a movie that shoved me down into my seat as if I were a little chubby kid back in Catholic elementary school, told what I am watching is important. I then watched a guy run through the streets in the rain with papers in his hands and about two minutes of the actual killings. Fun? Nope. Educational? Perhaps.
The Hills Have Eyes 2 - Army kids versus rapist desert mutants. Usually, that would be the recipe for good good times. There is no joy in Hicksville this time out. This film is just devoid of any sort of depth, instead rehashing just about every theme of the first remake. Why bother?
Blood and Chocolate - A fantastical tale of young Gap models twirling through the air before their ultimate change into extremely domesticated wolf-dog-pups. Actually, it’s the angsty story of a girl seeking to outrun her past by jumping off of walls. Oddly, Jessica Alba wasn’t available for this roll. I bet she does a mean wall jump.
Bug - After my bashing of Zodiac, I’m sure you were ready to call me an uncultured boob or some such elitist nonsense. Now, I must bash a movie about two people in a tinfoil room freaking out over microscopic bugs that may or may not be there and the government conspiracy around them. It was a good time to catch up on sleep, but I had to pay attention, otherwise I wouldn’t have had a 5th movie for my worst list. I managed to avoid all the other piles of steaming monkey poo … 'cept for Dragon Wars. I still wake up in a cold sweat from that one, but the above were worse. Yes. Worse than Dragon Wars.
And I bid you good day.