The Best and Worst of 2007

Syxx's Picks

The Best and Worst of 2007

5. Grindhouse - Grindhouse was given the raw deal during its theatrical release. Here we were given two films (one a great action/splatter fest – the other a talky pic with a decent amount of fun car chases) that should have been able to please most horror fans. Too bad it received fewer commercials and ads than the Rape-A-Minute Telethon.

Planet Terror was the real reason to see Grindhouse. Sure, Death Proof had the Tarantino flair, but there's only so much stroking that man's ego needs, and boy did he do a lot of it before finally showing us the goods. On the other hand PT was an all-out grind flick that gave us blood by the bucket loads and the right mix of humor to keep any potential yawns away when the action let up.

4. The Mist - The film had its problems, no doubt, but out of many of the other horror flicks we've seen this year The Mist stands out as one of the better ones. Not only did it deliver a good adaption of King's work, but it gave us an ending that will be talked about for a long time to come.

How often do we get to see giant creatures terrorize small towns anymore? Hell, when was the last time you saw a little old lady brandish a can of bug spray and char a giant skull-faced spider?

Hostel Part II(click to see larger) 3. Hostel Part II - While nowhere as good as the first film, Hostel 2 did give us what we wanted from the torture porn genre. It took a long time to get there with some useless character development and long stretches of boredom, but the film took off once people started to get cut up.

Hostel Part II was the perfect way to wind down the torture porn craze that is now taking over the direct-to-video market. Eli Roth's flick should give you enough gore and sick humor to last a few years until the next trend makes the rounds.

2. Fido - Here's a pic that deserved a much wider release than say Blood and Chocolate. The horror-comedy about a society that has recovered from and domesticated the zombies had all the right elements missing from many films this year. There was some top notch gore mixed with various political messages that were never shoved in our faces; this film succeeded where 28 Weeks failed.

Fido also managed to be a little heartwarming with the message about what it really means to be alive. Now, take into consideration all these elements and ask yourself, "Why did we have films like The Hitcher in theatres instead? "

1. Hatchet - This was a very nice surprise in '07. Adam Green was able to create a slasher movie that made us laugh and also jolted the audience with the amount of fancy gore it created on a tight budget. Screams, blood, laughs, tits and bush bugs seem like an odd mix for something being trumpeted as "Old School American Horror, " but it works. One minute you're laughing about crotch crabs and the next year wide eyed as old Hatchet-Face belt sands someone's face off.

In a day and age where the home video market is over flooded with schlock and even theatrical releases are mind blowingly lame, it is nice to know that there are some filmmakers out there that know how to entertain.

The Best and Worst of 2007

5. Blood and Chocolate - Wow. 2007 was the worst year for book adaptation. A decent young reader's novel about family, heritage and love was turned upside down and transformed into a Eurotrash orgy for Underworld fans. Characters never developed, everyone was drinking absinthe and the filmmakers somehow turned werewolves into the gayest monsters in recent memory.

The problems didn't stop there. The director thought it was a great idea that everyone and their mother should be jumping off of walls. Yes, "free-running" is cool … but Jesus H. Corbit at every turn someone was jump kicking off of a wall. Oh, and the title of the film never did make sense … much like in I Am Legend.

4. I Am Legend - More like "I Am Shoehorning in the Book's Title at the Last Possible Fucking Second. " Once again Hollywood is too scared to actually adapt a great book and would rather tear it down into a very basic and almost retarded pop-up book version of the original. Will Smith does do a great job with the watered down material, but that was never enough to save it.

Last minute changes seriously hurt a film that filled the basic entertainment needs. CGI vampires looked like they fell out of a Scooby Doo movie; there was hardly one similarity between the film and book; and the title of the film had no connection whatsoever to the film. Fact is different than Legend … what the fuck?

3. Rob Zombie's Halloween - Here was a chance for Rob to show that he was more than a one trick pony that always had to use the middle finger and over the top trailer trash characters to make his movie work. He had the opportunity to dive deeper into the mind of Michael Myers and give us a remake worth the price of admission. Sadly, he never evolved.

What we got was a half hour's worth of a great movie followed by the cliff notes version of Carpenter's original Halloween, but with added shots of bare vagina. We know nothing more about Myers than in previous films. He was a fucked up kid that killed animals and eventually people … but why is never explained. Add in distracting cameos by the truckload and little Miss Strode going all John McClain at the end of the theatrical release and you've got one big pile of shit. Thanks Rob! Better luck with C.H.U.D. ?biting sarcasm

2. The Hitcher - Talk about a film that didn't need to be remade and certainly not remade by Platinum Dunes! The character of the hitcher is stripped down to be nothing more than a silent boring killer and our college teen sweethearts are cardboard cutouts from GAP Ads. There had to be at least one redeeming quality to this flick, right?

Not really. Aside from the hitcher magically dropping a truck from the sky, this was a total mess of a remake. Car chases were turned into music videos and at the end the tiny co-ed was wielding weapons like a pro. You know some filmmakers shouldn't be in the business when they make Joy Ride look like a better film…

1. Aliens VS Predator: Requiem - After working in this business for so long, you should know better than to get your hopes up. Honestly, how could this sequel to Paul W.S. (I'M A FAN!) Anderson's nasty wet dream fail to entertain even as a creature feature? Well, when Fox gives you little money and puts two noob directors in charge you're in serious trouble. What should have been an all out brawl between two iconic horror/sci-fi icons turned into a Where's Waldo game.

The action was so badly lit that we didn't know if the Aliens were fighting or trying to fuck the Predator. Good thing for there was that great story line about a pizza boy, some tart and an ex-con to keep us company. Oh wait, that sucked pretty hard too. Yes, give the cast of every WB teen drama a large portion of screen time because that's what we paid for. This was honestly the worst film of 2007, not because it was a disappointment, but because it wasn't AVP at all. The film didn't even deserve the title. What a way to end the year…



Tristan Sinns's picture

I totally forgot about Tooth and Nail until late last night, that horrible piece of crap. I think it was a repressed memory. Please consider it the sixth worst film of the year. Or the first. It deserves both. Ugh!

Submitted by Tristan Sinns on Sat, 01/05/2008 - 1:03pm.
DW Bostaph Jr's picture

Let me know what you think when u see them. Completely different films, but both as cerebral as you can get.

Submitted by DW Bostaph Jr on Sat, 01/05/2008 - 1:00pm.

DWBJr, based on how similar our lists were (i hadn't seen AVPR when i wrote my list, and i didn't think to include the brilliant Sweeney Todd) i'm going to be checking out Cthuhlu and Death Note first chance I get.

Submitted by plagiarize on Sat, 01/05/2008 - 9:48am.
admin moderator Cinematic Socialism? You
Jon Condit's picture

Cinematic Socialism? You can be a film commie if you want to, leave me out.

Submitted by Jon Condit on Sat, 01/05/2008 - 12:25am.

There's no mistery about it Terminal... Johnny was mistified at to why people keep talking about The Mist, because he mist the start of the mist-cussion where people were mist-cussing their favourite mist-vies from last mist, and it seems mist people here had mist-ues with The Fog... err... sorry... The Mist!

Submitted by PelusaMG on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 7:33pm.
Terminal's picture

I mist was Johnny was talking about, I was very mistifyed by his misterious anger toward miscussing the mist.

Submitted by Terminal on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 7:15pm.
Terminal's picture

Have either of your schmucks seen the "Death Note" series? If you think the movies rocked, wait till you get a load of the series. Wow.

Submitted by Terminal on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 7:13pm.
Melissa Bostaph's picture

WOW...I'm in trouble and didn't even know it... haha!

Honestly I could have filled a dozen WORST lists with the crap that I get from Foy, Kryten, and even Steve! Hello! He's the one that pawned Microwave Massacre off on me! LOL!

One reason I didn't include that and other titles like it are because they were not actually released in 2007.

Another reason is because I wanted to let people know that there are those of us out there who don't like every film that Hollywood puts out even if everyone else seems to.

I'd rather just talk up films that deserve it...and not give free press to those that don't.

Submitted by Melissa Bostaph on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 3:54pm.
DW Bostaph Jr's picture

There is SO much shit out thee, and being involved with the Horror Fest and judging and all, it gets old. I could compile a list of shit a mile long, but what is the point of bashing something like Microwave Massacre? No body cares about that type of crap, and going into the film I was not expecting anything but a shitfest.

Movies like 30 Days of Night, Halloween lead us to believe that they are going to be good. We got promises and sneak peeks and jerked off all day long, but in the end thy are just shit. And people need to know that they are so, IT IS OUR responsibility to do so. Why? Because these are the films on eveyone's minds. When there is a breakaway such as Cthulhu or Netherbeast or Blood Car then it is our responsibility to tell people about it so THEY see it. It is kind of lopsided that way but we are about quality. When it is promised but not delivered on, we point it out. And when we find a nice goldmine, we scream it to the heavens so all can enjoy...

Call it Cinematic Socialism.

Submitted by DW Bostaph Jr on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 3:49pm.
Morgan Elektra's picture

You hush up, Johnny Butane... or I will call you up and leave you long Mist-related voicemail messages. I can do it too. I am the Queen of long voicemail messages. :-P

Submitted by Morgan Elektra on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 3:33pm.

Mist? Mist, Mist, Mist, Mist, Mistity Mist!

Submitted by Kryten Syxx on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 3:19pm.
Johnny Butane's picture

Oh my God, stop talking about The Mist.

Submitted by Johnny Butane on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 3:05pm.
Morgan Elektra's picture

WIB, lucky for me I didn't see any of those films you mentioned. ;)

Of the films I saw this year, Halloween was definitely one of the worst.... decent production quality doesn't save a bad story in my book.

Submitted by Morgan Elektra on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 1:54pm.

"or any number of other movies people listed in their Bottom 5 as being the ultimate in "bad" movies when there's stuff like Captivity, The Hitcher, Microwave Massacre (Melissa, I'm talking to you!), and other real garbage to choose from."

simply put, i didn't see those movies. not being a movie reviewer around this parts, i'm only subjected to the bad movies i choose to watch. if something is slammed by someone i trust like The Hitcher uniformly was, i'm not going to go see it.

Submitted by plagiarize on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 1:45pm.

My problem with The Mist was that, we get the escape, then we get five minutes of crossfades on driving, driving, driving, then bam! (um..literally, I guess) and then he reacts, then BAM! again. To me, the movie needed a good at LEAST five, ten minutes more for the ending to work.

I think it's a terrific idea and I commend Darabont for thinking it up and actually using it, I just don't think it was well executed. I understand that it was not a tacked on thing or a reshoot, but it definitely FELT like that to me.

As for Hatchet, in the 80s it's a shitty, straight-to-video slasher that isn't funny or scary, and has boring, stupid cardboard characters, but somehow 20 years later it's some amazing old-school classic? If it was made in the 80s it would be one of those movies like The Burning that is remembered fondly, mostly for the gore effects, and then when it's finally released on DVD 20 years later, everyone buys it or rents it and when they watch it they realize why it's remembered almost exclusively for the gore effects.

I am a HUGE slasher fan and am absolutely down for a cool, old school slasher flick to come out and kick my ass with suspense, gore and nudity. This movie just sucked. It's possible I saw movies that were worse, but this had all the build up and it's being championed by horror fans, horror websites, horror magazines...and it's just a boring, unfunny, unscary piece of shit. Most disappointing moviegoing experience of the year for me. And to me, when a movie like that turns out to be crap, it's far worse than something like the Hitcher remake, which sucked, but we all KNEW it was going to suck, so who cares?

Submitted by G.D. on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 1:39pm.
moderator For me, just not liking
Debi Moore's picture

For me, just not liking something doesn't make it one of the year's worst. I think you have to take into account the whole picture -- writing, acting, effects, cinematography, etc., etc. I can't stand Swank and didn't much care for The Reaping, but it had enough redeeming qualities to make me realize putting it on my worst list would have meant I was taking it too personally rather than judging it on its overall merits. Which is, again, why I can't understand how anyone could consider The Mist, RZ's Halloween, or any number of other movies people listed in their Bottom 5 as being the ultimate in "bad" movies when there's stuff like Captivity, The Hitcher, Microwave Massacre (Melissa, I'm talking to you!), and other real garbage to choose from.

Can you feel the thirst?

I'll see you on the other side . . .

Submitted by Debi Moore on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 1:28pm.
Blockbuster's picture

I'M going to go on record and say that I liked the Unrated Director's Cut of Halloween and the way IT ended...much better than the original version of that movie that I saw...and Hatchet was fucking awesome. There. I said it.

Submitted by Blockbuster on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 1:05pm.
Morgan Elektra's picture

I saw the end coming too... that 'Promise me you won't let the monsters get me, no matter what' line was a pretty dead give away. But I don't think it was conveyed at all that those characters thought there escape was a last ditch effort. Yes, David expressed doubts with his plan, but the whole point of doing it anyway was that he felt he had to do SOMETHING. That they couldn't just stay there. Amanda even says 'I'd rather die out there trying than in here waiting.' But then they don't. They die out there giving up. After not even going very far. Without any further discussion. And they thought enough ahead to sneak food and pack it, and plan a before dawn departure to avoid Ms. Carmody's people and the monsters, but not what was going to be done when they ran out of gas? It was sloppy writing. THAT'S what made me angry.

Submitted by Morgan Elektra on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 12:55pm.

Here's the thing, if you had taken some of the religious nuts in the store, had them driving off in the jeep and then had that ending, you would have been cheering at the screen... it is only because it were them there descent folks who got stiffed which makes it so controversial.

Submitted by PelusaMG on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 12:38pm.

i guess i just saw the escape from the store as those character's last hopes. heck, even David expressed doubts about his own plan before they left the store. they'd left with the belief that this was their last hope, and they found no hope, no other people, just beasts in the mist. the store became more dangerous than that outside it. so they took their chances, and ultimately ran out of options. i didn't see the decision as one of desperation, or madness. i saw it as a conscious choice under extreme circumstances that i'd seen coming since the kid asked his dad not to let the monsters get him.

Submitted by plagiarize on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 12:32pm.
Morgan Elektra's picture

"in that case it would be a fault of the ending but of him failing to convey well enough the emotional state of the characters to justify his planned ending."

Exactly. Which I feel is poor writing on his part. As someone on the forums said, if he had spent even just five or ten additional minutes chronicalling a downward spiral of despair for those characters once they left the supermarket, then the ending would have contextually made sense. As it stands, however, there is nothing to indicate that these characters have reached their limit and are hopeless... and in fact, several things that argue otherwise. Which is what pissed me, and I know many other people, off so much about that ending.

Submitted by Morgan Elektra on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 12:18pm.
Sirand's picture

I can understand people falling into the hype about Hatchet and being underwhelmed...but WORST OF THE YEAR? C'mon...

Submitted by Sirand on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 12:01pm.

i can't and don't pretend to talk for why it made people angry. i know a lot of people that were angry about how bleak and upsetting it was. at the character for doing what he did. he's angry at himself (as i was with him) though, and it's meant to be bleak and upsetting.

i saw those characters as already starting to lose hope before they left the store. i saw those characters as preferring to take their chances with the monsters outside than stay with the other people.

darabont wanted that ending... he built to it... it wasn't a late idea or a reshoot. i don't know what you think he was building the characters towards, but it obviously isn't what he actually was building them towards. in that case it would be a fault of the ending but of him failing to convey well enough the emotional state of the characters to justify his planned ending.

the message i took away from The Mist was 'in times of crisis people can do inhuman things for what seems like valid reasons at the time, but they have to live with those actions afterwards'. i think that's pretty consistantly threaded all the way through, if being strongest at the end.

Submitted by plagiarize on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 11:58am.
moderator Here's my thing ... I know
Steve Barton's picture

Here's my thing ... I know opinions are opinions but when a year is riddled with so many cinematic abominations how a little flick like Hatchet makes it into the top 5 worst on anyone's list really boggles my mind.

Submitted by Steve Barton on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 11:51am.

And I'd like to say that I really appreciate that a couple people put Hatchet on their worst list. What a fucking disappointment that was. Admittedly, some of the gore was nice, but what a bad movie.

Word to the wise, Mr Green. When you make a splatter comedy (whether the comedy is good or bad...and I personally thought it was pretty bad), please PLEASE don't try to tell me that it's "old school horror" because it most certainly is not.

Submitted by G.D. on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 10:29am.

I'll go on record as someone who liked the ending of The Mist is concept, but not so much in execution.

That said, how can the fact that so many people hated the movie be a testimony to how good it is? I don't understand...

Submitted by G.D. on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 10:09am.
Morgan Elektra's picture

I think you're off on WHY some of us are angry about the ending of The Mist, Ryan. It's not because it was bleak... it's because, like Melissa said, it went against everything Darabont had brilliantly established for those characters up to that point. I'm angry with what I consider a poorly written ending to a well written movie. And I really hope that wasn't done on purpose.

Submitted by Morgan Elektra on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 9:27am.

i have to say i'm surprised so many of you guys didn't like the ending of The Mist. sure it's probably the bleakest ending ever... but the fact that it hurts and angers so many people is a testimony to how good it is, at least in my opinion. i think we're probably so used to only getting angry at bad movies, that when a film legitimately makes us angry we presume that it wasn't trying to.

Submitted by plagiarize on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 7:30am.
Terminal's picture

That's not fair, there's not much here I disagree with. Bastards. Hatchet good but overblown, Disturbia overrated as a mofo, and Halloween sucked, yep there's not much room here to disagree.

Submitted by Terminal on Fri, 01/04/2008 - 1:57am.

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