Dread Central's Best & Worst of 2008
What a year. Thankfully we managed to get by without another solid month of bad like February 2007's 28 Days of Suck! So what hit and missed for Old Creepy? Let's take a look-see!
Hellboy II: The Golden Army: Know what I like? I like monster movies! Hellboy II: The Golden Army gave me legions of beasties in every shape, size, and color. With this film del Toro once again proves why he is one of the baddest motherfuckers working in the film industry today! Whatever he directs next, I don't even care if it's a live action adaptation of the McDonald's menu -- I am so there! Bravo!
Inside: I watched Inside while my significant other lay quietly sleeping beside me. By the time it was over I felt like waking her up and scolding her for being so insensitive! I mean, shit dude, didn't she have any idea what I was just put through? This movie not only kicked my ass, it left me beaten, battered, scarred, and completely exhausted. I loved every minute!
Repo! The Genetic Opera: What happens when the old EC Comics horror rags crash headlong into The Rocky Horror Picture Show? You get Darren Lynn Bousman's exercise in the insane -- Repo! The Genetic Opera! It really doesn't get much better than this, folks. The screen is soaked deep red thanks to the gallons of gore that are gleefully splashed about with reckless abandon all while you rock along with a soundtrack that instantly embeds itself into your memory. How could you not have a good time? This is the movie that will become the cult hit that others have only promised. Simply put -- it's one of the most visually stimulating slices of sheer anarchic brilliance you will ever see.
The Signal: Yep. I have the crazy and I'm damned proud of it! The Signal is like horror's Pulp Fiction. Filled to the brim with stand-out performances, amazing camera work, and rock-solid direction, this is a sterling example of everything that independent horror should be.
Cloverfield: Now this ... this is what it's all about, man! A giant monster fucking up New York City. I bought into every ounce of Cloverfield's hype and felt that it lived up to it and then some. It left me slack-jawed and wanting more. Seriously, I'm hard pressed to find a single negative thing to say about it. I know there are many of you out there that will completely disagree with me, but you know what? This is my list so screw you! Cloverfield really did it for me, dude. It was the perfect trip down memory lane for this old Godzilla loving fool!
I will also (like Buz) offer a special mention to Paranormal Activity, which is the scariest film I've seen in years. Hopefully the idea of a remake has been put to bed and Dreamworks will finally unleash this movie by giving it the release it so richly deserves.
The Eye: "Being blind is so much fun! Being blind! Being bliiiind!" Of all the remakes of Asian horror I've had to sit through over the years, this is absolutely the worst of the crop. It completely missed the mark. Maybe the director was the blind one!
April Fool's Day (2008): So much anger ... hatred ... spite. Cannot write ... so ... much ... bullshit. Please ... shoot me know ... How? Why? It ... it hurts ... it burns ... This movie will make you question your love of film ... take it away! If you see it in a store ... do your part ... hide it ... shun it ... so ... very ... bad ...
Saw V: Mandylor. Mandylor. Costas MANDYLOR! Sing that along with the Saw theme. They are the perfect lyrics. Pretty amusing, no? Too bad that's the only thing that's even slightly enjoyable about this over-written, over-produced, franchise-halting shitfest. Please, Lionsgate ... We know you like cash. Who doesn't? But please stop making these. We're all done. There was a time when Halloween belonged to Saw but that time is at an end. Take what little dignity this series has left, pick up its bat and ball, and then go the fuck home.
The Happening: Don't let it happen to you.
Lost Boys: The Tribe: Twenty years. That's how long we've waited for a sequel to the much beloved film The Lost Boys. How I wish we could have kept waiting. Everything about this movie sucks from top to bottom. Surfing vampires? Why even fight these guys? Have a priest bless the ocean, and we're done. If only it were that quick and painless. There's a special place in hell waiting for the buffoon who cast The Sutherland™ in this movie. Sleep with one eye open, asswipe!
Mother of Tears, Funny Games, Prom Night, The Haunting of Molly Hartley, Mirrors, and a special heartfelt fuck you to Max Payne for being the worst thing I've seen in a theatre in ages. I snuck in and still felt cheated!
HERE'S TO A BIGGER & BETTER 2009!
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