Dread Central's Best & Worst of 2008
I unfortunately seem to be the only one on the site who hasn't seen Let the Right One in, so my list will have to do without it. However, I still saw some really good stuff this year.
5. Stuck: As far as movies making you squirm go, Stuck is one of the most unnerving and fucked up movies I've seen in the past decade. Stewart Gordon returns in full fledge awesome with the tale of a homeless man who gets lodged into a windshield by a hapless woman who leaves him there, alive, in her garage ... still stuck in the windshield. Fantastic movie that will make you both cringe and cheer.
4. Teeth: This one may be pushing it for having it on a 2008 list since it screened first at the tail end of 2007, but I saw it this year on DVD so I'm putting it here. There are three things in the world that terrify me; sharks, vaginas with teeth, and spiders. Teeth only has one of these things, but it still managed to frighten me just as bad as the other two would have combined. Teeth is so monumentally fucked up, scary, and hilarious that I watched it a second time right after my first viewing. Not only is it a bleak satire, but also a warning to any guy who's thinking about having his way with a helpless lady. No man wants his dick chomped on, and boy, do a lot of guys get the cut in this flick. It's so fucked up. I will forever be bringing a flashlight and some goggles with me every time I go down south on a woman just to make sure there isn't something waiting for me down there. Teeth rules.
3. Cloverfield: You know what I like? Godzilla movies and roller coasters. You know what Cloverfield was? It was like a Godzilla roller coaster. Very rarely these days do I actually have fun seeing a movie in the theater. It usually smells like piss and shit, there's a kid crying somewhere, and for some reason I can't get the taste of copper out of my mouth. With Cloverfield those things only added to the awesomeness of the movie. Was it the best movie ever? Not by a long shot, but I had fucking fun. And that's why I'm throwing it as number 3 on my best of list.
2. Repo! The Genetic Opera: This movie is pure fried gold on a win stick. There are so many things I want to say about this movie and all of it good. The music is fucking awesome (I'm listening to the soundtrack now as I write this), the acting is top-notch, the cinematography gave me an erection, and it's an all-around amazing movie. Easily the new Rocky Horror, I found myself singing the songs when I didn't even know all the words! The best rock opera I've ever seen. Some of the most fun I've had at the theater in a long time, and I loved every second of it. If you get the chance to see this movie, go see it. The Graverobber is worth the price the admission alone.
1. The Signal: I've ranted and raved about this movie since the moment I saw it, and I will continue to do so here. The Signal is the best horror film I've seen in a long, long time. Not only is it a great movie, it's extremely inspirational to any independent filmmaker. It's original and has fantastic cinematography, great acting, and a very peculiar three-act structure that is just all-around awesome. I cannot say enough good things about this movie. Easily the best horror movie of the year, and one of the best horror movies of the past 20 years.
Paranormal Activity: I'd put it on my list, but it's not out just yet (I also put it on my list last year and will continue to do so until its release).
Midnight Meat Train: Not the best horror movie of the year, but goddammit it was original and I gotta give it credit for doing something unique.
The Dark Knight: Not exactly horror but it's sooooo fucking good.
Back in the day I used to love to watch bad movies and laugh at them and point out how absurd and awful they were. Then of course come on the Internet and trash them to others who love to watch bad movies. However, these days I find myself having less and less patience for bad movies. When I know something is going to be bad, why waste those two hours of my life on it? I can be doing something far better with that time. That's why I didn't waste my time watching movies like One Missed Call, Prom Night, or any of the other horribly atrocious flicks that came out this year. I just didn't care enough. So you won't find those movies on my worst of the year list. However, there were some that slipped through the cracks that I somehow found myself watching that stole roughly 10 hours of my life away. Ten hours I will never get back.
5. Diary of the Dead: You may be asking yourself why Diary of the Dead is on my worst list. Surely there are far worse movies that came out this year! This is true. However, unlike the rest of the movies on this list, I thought Diary of the Dead was going to be good. It's George Romero and zombies dammit! Diary was not just a horrible movie, it was utterly disappointing. I came out of the theater feeling drained, angry, and betrayed. Why, George? Why did you do that to me? The worst part about it? There is a great movie in there somewhere. However, the forced narration, the pretentious forgettable characters, and the tacked on music make it a contrived piece of shit. I really wish I could like it. There is definitely something good there. I just don't have the patience to sift through all of the shit to find the hidden pearl.
4. Saw V: Do I even need to write an explanation as to why this movie sucked? No. I don't. Saw V was terrible, and I hope my eyes are never forced to watch it again. I want my $8.50 back, Lionsgate.
3. Lost Boys: The Tribe: This movie really should have been called “We stopped trying!” From the strange incestuous relationship of the two leads to the Jim Morrison knock-off lead vampire, this straight-to-DVD sequel to the classic Lost Boys is utter trash. All I could do to keep myself from smashing my face into the TV out of despair was to quietly quote Doors songs whenever Angus Sutherland was on screen. Even that wasn't enough to halt my sheer contempt for this pile of garbage.
2. Day of the Dead (2008): I've sat here for five minutes trying to decide how to tell all those reading that this movie is awful. But I can't. This movie killed so many of my brain cells that I honestly cannot think of anything creative to say about how bad this movie sucks. I mean it really fucking blows. From Cirque du Soleil Zombies to Nick “Drop your drumsticks” Cannon's embarrassing performance, this movie is just downright awful and earns the number two spot on my worst of list. Why number two? Because it's a piece of shit.
1. April Fool's Day (2008): Where to begin with this piece of utter shit? It's boring, poorly directed, shot, acted, you name it. Everything about this movie is bad. I kept waiting for the filmmakers to pop out halfway through, yell “Surprise!” and ass rape me all the way to Tiananmen Square. It's profoundly bad, almost in a deep shallow poetic way. If you ever decide to sit down and watch this movie, make a game out of it. Sit down with a bottle of Jack and a hand gun and just see how long you can last. It's like an endurance test. But seriously, don't EVER watch this flick. It pains me to even give it the attention of writing this up. Easily one of the worst movies I've ever seen, as well as the number one worst movie of the year.
The Happening -- “Doesn't anyone care about the bees?”