Ants on an Airline!

By Jon Condit
February 24th, 2007

If you thought all the (Blank) on a Plane silliness had finally come to an end - think again, bucko! Here comes Swarm, which could also be called Ants on a Plane!

And they're not just any kind of ants... Nope, they're bullet ants. Never heard of bullet ants before? Described as stout, reddish-black, wingless wasps that can grow up to an inch in length, bullet ants get their name because the pain caused by their sting is said to be equal to getting shot with a bullet. The pain from a bullet ant sting is ranked by scientists as the most painful in all of the insect world and the pain lasts a minimum of 24 hours. In other words, not something you want to get trapped in a plane full of. Ugly looking suckers too!

An American tourist on a commercial plane flight heading home from Columbia unknowingly brings aboard a swarm of dangerous bullet ants. Fortunately, there's an entomologist on board. There's something you rarely hear yelled in a movie, "Is there an entomologist on board?"

Anyway, a sexy entomologist played by "Nip/Tuck" and "Heroes" hottie Jessalyn Gilsig must use all of her insect knowledge to save the flight, assisted by a Federal Air Marshall played by soap hunk Antonio Sabato Jr. All the while the U.S. government tries its best to keep the plane from landing on American soil and potentially allowing the insect menace to spread to our shores.

According to TV Guide, Ants on a Plane... I mean Swarm - an ultra generic title that is in desperate need of a change to something more fanciful - is slated to premiere on TV later this summer and, shockingly, not on the Sci-Fi Channel, but on the Lifetime Network. A nature gone amok movie for the Lifetime crowd? I suddenly have a bad feeling this is going to be more melancholy and mundane than the cheesy fun one expects from a Snakes on a Plane knock-off about vicious ants on an airliner.

Ants on an Airliner ... Okay, Lifetime, there's your new title. Make it happen!

- The Foywonder