The 10 Sexiest Scary Movie Couples
Brandon Wetherbee
|
Welcome to February. Welcome to a month of sexy aspirations. Regardless of your own couplehood, it’s quite pleasant to watch some sexy couples in scary movies. We’ve rounded up the 10 of the sexiest.
The parameters for our list will instantly eliminate some couples. You need to want to be in the relationship, not just be with one member of the couple. For example, the Bride in The Bride of Frankenstein and the Monster are not a sexy couple. They’re not even a couple. The Bride is on screen for like three minutes total and the Monster and her do not exactly get along (Him: “Friend?” Her: “AHHHHHHH!” Him: “She hate me.” and he proceeds to blow up a laboratory and kickstart the Men’s Rights Movement).
The couple has to be in on it, whatever it is, together. So Gale Weathers and Dewy Riley in Scream would qualify but Sidney Prescott and Billy Loomis do not qualify since she’s not exactly cool with being the victim.
The couple has to be people, not animated or dolls. Sorry to Chucky and Tiffany. While sexy as dolls, and no judgment if you find plastic sexier than flesh, we’re working with the more standard definition of couples.
The film needs to be scary. Is Rocky Horror Picture Show a scary movie? It uses a few scary movie tropes and was sort of advertised as a scary movie but it’s only a scary movie if you’re an extreme prude. If you do consider it a scary movie, sure, put the entire cast in here. Brad, Janet, Rocky Horror, Frank, etc., sleep with all of ’em.
Is The Addams Family scary? Similar to Rocky Horror, it’s more comedy than horror, but if you want it to be considered scary, obviously Morticia and Gomez Addams belong at the top of this list.
Is Beetlejuice scary? Come on, it’s not, it’s just great and the Disney version of goth.
With that out of the way, here are the ten sexiest couples/throuples in horror movies.
David and Alex in An American Werewolf in London (1981)
Some people think Van Morrison makes sexy music. I don’t yet find the shower/scene scene between David and Alex sexy. It’s kinda long for any movie, nearly two minutes, and is way more sensual than sensational.
Ash and Sheila in Army of Darkness (1992)
Bruce Campbell/Ash is sexy. Having a chainsaw as an arm is sexy. If you disagreed you wouldn’t be reading this site. Hail to the king, baby.
Seth and Veronica in The Fly (1986)
Jeff Goldblum/Seth Brundle is sexy. Finding an apartment on apartments.com is sexy. If you disagreed you wouldn’t be reading this site.
Ganja Meda and Dr. Hess Green in Ganja and Hess (1973)
The 1973 Cannes Film Festival smash featured some of the sexiest vampires in cinema. It also inspired a 2014 Spike Lee remake. The best-dressed vampires on this list.
Vinz Clortho, the Keymaster/Louis Tully and Zuul, The Gatekepper/Dana Barrett in Ghostbusters (1984)
Forget about Peter and Dana, gimme the demons. The demons are sexy. Well, demons inhabiting people are sexy. Demons inhabiting Canadian treasure Rick Moranis and sci-fi goddess Sigourney Weaver are sexy. Related, I know Ghostbusters isn’t scary but it’s scary if you first saw it when you were four years old. It doesn’t hurt that Zuul/Dana looks like how they look. Extremely formative.
John Blaylock and Miriam Blaylock and Sarah Roberts in The Hunger (1983)
It’s David Bowie and Catherine Deneuve and Susan Sarandon. Any of those pairs are sexy. Add in a vampire element and it’s undeniable. Doesn’t hurt that “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” is used in the opening credits.
Jennifer Check and Anita “Needy” Lesnicki in Jennifer’s Body (2009)
Do you want to be a succubus in any sexual relationship?
Betty and Rita in Mulholland Drive (2001)
David Lynch projects consistently have at least one sexy scene and/or couple. Surrounding those scenes are typically incredibly disturbing, so we’re going with the least disturbing of the couples in the Lynch universe. The sex scene with Betty (or is it Diane?) and Rita (or is it Camilla?) is the healthiest, and sexiest, sex scene in the incredibly scary movie. In a dreamlike world with multiple identities, hero worship, doppelgangers, and the sinister world of Hollywood, this queer love scene is one of the most normal things in the 146-minute film.
I almost included Jeffrey Beaumont and Dorothy Vallens in Blue Velvet (Do you like to watch? Sorry.) but once I thought about it for more than 10 seconds, I remembered the entire film is centered around Dorothy’s imprisonment and that’s not very sexy.
Mickey and Mallory in Natural Born Killers (1994)
This Quentin Tarantino fever dream directed by Oliver Stone is Bonnie and Clyde with way more abuse, blood, true love, Iron Man, and Rodney Dangerfield. Mickey and Mallory are the definition of couple goals.
Adam and Eve in Only Lovers Left Alive (2013)
Vampires are the sexiest of the classic scary movie monsters. Jim Jarmusch’s vampires are the sexiest vampires. Ipso facto, Adam and Eve are the sexiest movie vampire couple. But they’re just the second best-dressed vampires on this list.
Categorized:Editorials
