Maneater (DVD)



Maneater DVD (click for larger image)Reviewed by Kryten Syxx

Starring Gary Busey, Ian D. Clark and Ty Wood

Directed by Gary Yates

Distributed by Peace Arch Entertainment


Oh dear. Oh dear. It’s one thing if a movie has a low budget and totally blows it with an original idea, but when a movie lacks funds and completely rips off a classic film … that’s just fucking sad. Maneater is one such film that not only bores but it totally insults the audience who were tricked into thinking the cover art would match the movie.

Maneater’s plot goes like this: A small town is under attack by a predatory animal that is not indigenous to the area. When trying to plead his case, -- of course -- the town's sheriff is met with resistance from political figures and -- of course -- that leads to more unneeded deaths. Then, someone posts a reward for the critter which causes more deaths of foolhardy adventurers. A wise old hunter comes along to kill the beast, but at the end it’s the sheriff himself who blows the creature to bits thanks to a combustible tank.

Maneater DVD (click for larger image)Doesn’t that just sound too much like Jaws?

Yes, this is in fact a budget version of Jaws where the shark has been replaced by a very small and tame looking tiger. Don’t let the cover fool you, this tiger isn’t menacing in the least. These sort of ‘animal-run-a-muck’ movies should not cause the viewer to go “awwwww” every time the beasty gets screen time. The filmmakers behind Maneater just didn’t understand that … and a number of other things as well.

Suspense is another list item that Maneater’s crew didn’t bother with. There’s no build up to a single kill. You’d think a creature that can somehow silently kill trained members of the U.S. Army (some of which are standing less than five feet from one another and never notice they are getting picked off) would instill fear in the most basic way, but no. Between the poor script and even poorer acting is sandwiched an experience to rival even the worst Sci-Fi Channel Original Feature. How can this be possible? I mean, Gary Busey is in this for God’s sake!

Even when all else fails in other films, Busey can usually cop a few laughs. In Maneater, however, Gary appears to be totally disinterested in what is going on. His reaction to people being eaten is about as vague as the Mona Lisa’s expression. Hell, you’d think that even the appearance of a tiger hunting Allen Quartermaine would at least raise an eyebrow…

Not only does this flick fail on every level but it also has an unbelievable number of ‘WTF’ moments. Not only are these crunchy-bits-of-stupid mind boggling, but some are educational! Let’s run down just some of the idiocies:

Maneater DVD (click for larger image)

  • A hungry tiger, freshly released from its cage, will not eat a small boy in front of it.
  • In any scenes involving joggers morning can change to dusk every couple seconds.
  • Entertainment Weekly is well known for posting tiger killing rewards on the internet.
  • A news reporter is named Kathy Kurick.
  • Leopards may not be able to change their spots, but tigers can change bodymass and stripes quickly.
  • Mustaches are only for the British.
  • National Guardsmen cannot aim.
  • Tigers cannot outrun Gary Busey.
  • Tigers cannot outrun propane tanks.
  • Police officials are usually in charge of monitoring the ins and outs of quilt selling.
  • When a tiger devours your mother it is best not to show any emotion.
  • Jesus had a thing for Tigers, or was perhaps humanity’s first Furry.
  • Cajun accents are the best way to express authority.

    Bottom line -- If you’ve got an urge to watch Jaws, then rent Jaws. No clone could ever do that classic story justice.

    That is all.

    Special Features

  • There’s nothing special about this DVD

    MOVIE

    1 out of 5

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