Man in the Garage, The (2008)
Mike Phalin
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Reviewed by Kryten Syxx
Starring Disco (!), Nathan Gray, Maggie May, Jasmine Serra, Sarah Herrick, Don Dweitt and John Beers
Directed By Robert Luke
I love when a big box of indy films arrive at the door. Unlike regular studio releases and direct-to-video features, the independent market is usually a heftier grab bag of goods. On occasion you can get amazingly fun flicks like Colonel Kill Motherfuckers or Zombabies; well made artsy horror movies such as Alone with Her and even “so bad their good” entries not unlike Die and Let Live. Then … oh god … then there are the super small budget productions that fail to entertain on even the most primitive level. That’s what really makes Jesus weep.
In the box of goods that came recently, there was a movie that sounded very intriguing. The Man in the Garage had a great poster and an even better opening featuring a child’s drawings used to present the credits. The story was simple enough to follow and could have made for an interesting slasher; a husband and wife think that their daughter’s friend who lives in the garage is just imaginary, but that’s far from the truth. There really is a man residing in the family’s overstuffed garage, and he’s pretty damn savage. Think of him as Ted Nugent if he were pumped up on PCP, acid and cocaine.
About 10 to 15 minutes into the flick, people watching it with me started to nod off. That’s not a good sign considering this was the middle of the day. I, however, was determined to stick through it. The acting was serviceable to downright awful, but there’s worse out there. Hell, the thought of Ted Nugent’s retarded cousin ripping apart suburbanites was enough to keep me … awake…. Zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz.
Zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz ::snort:: Babysitter with nice pierced tits ::snort:: zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz.
Zzzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz ::sniffle:: Wacky, conspiracy theory neighbor who adds nothing to the plot. zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz.
Zzzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz ::fart:: No one ever notices a guy looking like Captain Caveman living in their garage. Not a single person investigates the disappearance of the babysitter or anyone else killed by Mr. Oonga Boonga. zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz.
Zzzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz ::nocturnal emission:: The police are never called even when the Nug’s barbaric clone is on the loose, chasing a woman and her child. zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz.
Z zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz. Uh?! What?! Oh, I thought it was just all a boring dream that didn’t make sense, but it looks like The Man in the Garage was real. Sadly, he’s not someone I’d recommend to any horror fan. This movie could use a good trip to the editing room. There’s plenty in here that contributes nothing to the plot or helps us become more interested in the characters. Not even watching a guy named Disco drilling out a guy’s eye raised so much as a “cool.” It also didn’t help that this madman was taken out by a couple of empty boxes and a small drill bit to the stomach at the end. Sigh. Back to sleep I go.
“>“>2 out of 5
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