Brain Blockers (DVD)
Mike Phalin
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Starring Diora Baird, Timmi Cragg, Matt Shevin and Edwin Craig
Directed by Lincoln Kupchak
According to IMDB, Brain Blockers is about a College Professor who tests an experimental potion on his students without their knowledge, causing them to become murderous zombie-like creatures. An investigative reporter and two graduate students attempt to foil his plans, but time is running out … they must stop him before his plans lead to unimaginable bloodshed. Yet despite such claims, Brain Blockers is the perfect reason to watch anything else in your horror library, but this.
For a few weeks it was believed nothing could stoop lower on the food chain of z-grade films than Zombies Gone Wild (review here), but Brain Blockers is giving it a run for its money. Since there are no hidden messages or political motives in this DVD it is best to assume that Brain Blockers is only meant to amuse and entertain. Yet, it couldn’t do any thing aside from putting this reviewer to sleep … TWICE!!!
The plot involving blue bottled potions turning college co-eds into zombies has all the potential in the world to be a laugh-riot. Think of all the nudity, gross-out jokes and slap stick comedy that could be employed here. If you’re going to label something as a horror/comedy it should be funny and horrific. What the hell went wrong?! Did no one stop during production and think, “This just isn’t working. Maybe we should just stop and maybe give up. That’s noble, right?”
I must wonder … where exactly was the comedy? Some guy got his cock bitten off, I think. Diora Baird got her head pulled off. Still no laughs. I saw a couple of OK looking breasts and hammy acting on the part of Edwin Craig. Nope, not even cracking a smile. Lots of college kids were dumb enough to drink strange liquids out of random unlabeled bottles. Sigh. Suffice to say there was not one giggle coming from any funny bone in my body, and I laughed all the way through Scary Movie 3.
Come to think of it aside from a few brief seconds of stupidity there was little to remember about Brain Blockers. The details about the plot itself seem to evade the mind even after two viewings and a third scan through just to find some screen caps. That is when you know you’ve made a totally forgettable mess. This could have all been solved if the lovely Diora Baird (Hot Tamale & TCM: The Beginning) had been given more screen time with less clothing.
If your film is way too tame as is, why not just go for balls out shock and skin? It seems to work for all those direct-to-video American Pie movies. It’s a simple solution. Lack a skilled cast and crew? Yes? Throw in more tits! Too bad no one associated with Brain Blockers thought that way. It is a sad state of affairs when someone actually begs for something this low brow just to take away the pain.
The supplements aren’t much better, sorry to say. There are several deleted scenes that are even more useless and boring than the film itself. In fact there is so much cut footage that you could string it all together, mail it off to different terrorists cells and wait patiently for them to kill themselves out of boredom. Right there, Lincoln Kupchak, you may have found the ultimate weapon for the war on terror. Thank you! There was a music video too, but when it started showing clips from Brain Blockers it was instantly turned off.
Now, do not think this review is just harsh for the fun of it. There was honestly nothing to like or even amusing anywhere. The biggest thrill to be had was when the DVD case was first opened and there was a strong smell of cigarette smoke coming from the disc. No bullshit here, the thing actually smelled like a chain-smoker.
Sometimes these sort of low-budget indie films work out but more often than not they just hit rock bottom. Though this review is pretty negative that really shouldn’t sway horror fans to go out and make their own films, What should be remembered though is that sometimes your friends may say your film is great just so they won’t hurt your feelings.
Special Features
Music Video
Deleted Scenes
Still Gallery
Nicotine scent
1 out of 5
Special Features:
1 out of 5
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