Bonnie & Clyde vs. Dracula (DVD)
Reviewed by Melissa Bostaph
Starring Tiffany Shepis, Trent Haaga, Jennifer Friend, Allen Lowman, Russell Friend
Directed by Timothy Friend
The first thing that comes to mind when I hear the names Bonnie and Clyde together in a sentence is a the trail of bloody victims left in their criminal wake. Funny, but it’s almost the same thing I think of when I hear the name Dracula. It fits except for the criminal part…Dracula is just a kickass killing machine!
So one would think that a film with a title like Bonnie & Clyde vs. Dracula could possibly have a decent body count and most certainly an interesting story to get this trio in the same place, let alone the same century! Packed full of bullet holes and bite marks, all oozing that gloriously gooey red stuff! Unfortunately, one would be mistaken.
The film starts out with our “heroes” conning some fellow con artists out of their vehicle and their lives. We then get to listen to what seems like an eternity of badly written and badly delivered dialogue between Bonnie (Shepis) and Clyde (Haaga) before two would-be rapists interrupt the monotony. This is where it becomes painfully apparent that Bonnie is the cold-blooded killer and Clyde comes off more like a bumbling buffoon.
We then follow the pair as Bonnie bitches and moans her way to their destination, and poor pussy-whipped Clyde is just along for the ride. Without missing a beat, she continues it throughout the rest of the film. Shepis is even a bitching Bonnie through her entire full frontal nude scene! Despite Bonnie’s warning, Clyde decides to deviate from their normal bank robberies to hit a moonshine runner with a friend and a local man who runs a now nearly empty whorehouse and only has a single one-legged prostitute left!
Throughout this tale there has been another plotline popping in and out sporadically. This one follows a sack-headed Dr. Loveless, his captive, abused sister, and an additional captive guest who has a taste for human blood. The good doctor has a selfish motive behind hunting down and reviving Dracula. So he has kept him in good supply of fresh blood by buying out the whorehouse down the street…You see where this is going?
Yeah, I thought so too, but the movie seemed to take forever to get there. Then when all the shit hits the fan and the bullets should be flying as quickly as the vampires should be biting...you see a two-minute exchange of pitiful proportions between Clyde and Dracula over the affections of the bloodthirsty Bonnie. There’s no big shoot-out or fist fight or even a struggle between the two. Instead the fight ends in a way that’s almost as ridiculous as the premise itself. The fight is so much of a non-climax that they had to take the story even further, but I’ll let you see that for yourselves.
I can’t say that the movie was all bad because some of the lines were clever, the production value was way higher than the actual film value, and you got to see Tiffany soaking wet and naked as the day she was born…she’s so cute when she’s angry! Dracula’s introduction and first kill was VERY well done and actually a bit on the creepy side. Also, some of the practical effects were pretty decent.
Too bad they made Trent play Clyde as a dumbass who could barely handle a gun let alone a woman he didn’t have to pay to do all the work. And it almost seemed that Tiffany (even in all of her horror chick hotness) was just too far out of her element as the rough, murderous Bonnie. She didn’t come close to a stride until the movie’s conclusion, and I’m afraid it may have been too late. And they totally wasted the time they could have spent focusing on Dracula with ludicrous characters and scenarios that only stole time from what could have been the good parts of the film.
If you’re looking for a first-rate Bonnie & Clyde story or even a high-quality vampire tale, you may want to steer clear of this flick, but if you are just looking for a brainless, fun time with a ludicrous story that looks more like the bullet-riddled victims of the historic duo than an actual movie plot…Then you may just enjoy Bonnie & Clyde vs. Dracula.
2 1/2 out of 5