Air Collision (2012)
Written and directed by Liz Adams
In a lot of movies you can guess what is going to happen next. That is not the case with The Asylum’s Air Collision. Nobody could possibly predict what is going to happen next because normal people do not think this way. Writer/director Liz Adams has to be some sort of demented genius to have crafted this disaster epic that exists entirely in a world of absurdist surrealism.
I first watched this movie a month ago during a late-night movie-watching session with two friends. No drugs or alcohol were involved, but if you had been in that living room, you would have sworn we were all doped up on laughing gas. I watched the movie again a week ago with Uncle Creepy. Half the time he was laughing; the other half he was left speechless. “I’m mystified” was a frequent statement that came out of his mouth in regard to the insanity unfolding before his eyes.
Air Collision is absolutely bonkers from start to finish. The way it unfolds, it’s like a stream of consciousness disaster movie. As if the mentality was to just keep it moving, never slowing down long enough for anyone watching to try and process the illogical nature of everything that is happening on the screen.
Air Force One and a 747 passenger plane are somehow locked on a collision course with one another because of a solar storm that is causing satellites to rain down in Michael Bay fashion. Somehow this has caused a computer defense system aboard Air Force One to go all HAL9000. Reginald VelJohnson of Die Hard and “Family Matters” fame is the only air traffic controller capable of stopping this mid-air collision from happening. Jordan Ladd of Club Dread is the only stewardess aboard the passenger jet who can maintain any semblance of order.
To be completely honest, I didn’t even understand what was going on half the time even though I was thoroughly enjoying myself. I was watching a movie in which passengers plug an enormous hole in the cabin of their plane by filling it with luggage, and that’s not even the most ludicrous thing that happens.
I’ve been meaning to write this review for weeks but have always found myself at a loss how to fully convey just how absolutely batshit insane Air Collision is. Then I realized the best way to do so is with my own words. The audio you'll find below was recorded minutes after my initial midnight Air Collision session ended. As I often do, I used my voice recorder to record some notes that I would later use to write a review. Listening to it again, I realize now that my rambling six-minute audio diatribe does more to convey why I would highly recommend you watch this movie than I could possibly write in a typical review. Not just what I’m describing, but the giddiness and exasperation in my voice as I fumble over my own words in an attempt to process what I had just seen.
For those worried about spoilers, let me assure you that for every one thing I spoil, there are at least ten more mind-blowing moments I don’t even touch on.
Air Collision is the movie where The Asylum truly earns its moniker because this is one of the most insane movies I have ever seen!
4 out of 5