Reviewed by The Foywonder
Starring Tony Todd, Chad Guerrero, Tristan Wright, Andrea Monier, Kathy Gardiner
Directed by John Lands and Russell Appling
Distributed by Lionsgate Home Entertainment
Are You Scared 2 began life under a different title until Lionsgate picked the movie up for distribution and for whatever reason got it in their head that there’s an audience out there eager for a follow-up to that mediocre Saw rip-off “>Are You Scared? (review) they put out on DVD back in ’06. I sort of felt bad for the makers of this film having it doomed as the name-only sequel to a crummy DVD horror movie nobody cares about until I actually saw it for myself and now I feel a little bad for the makers of the original. Are You Scared? may not have been a good movie but it wasn’t as big a waste of time as this.
Are You Scared 2 tries to be one of those visceral horror movies where people are pushed to the extremes. Only thing it succeeds at being is a nicely shot bore. There’s next to nothing positive I can say about it aside from it being well photographed for what is obviously a very low budget production and it’s apparent everyone was working hard. But working hard for what? Much of the movie is just characters you have no vested interest in wandering around (incoherently from my vantage point) before eventually being attacked by killers who aren’t scary, don’t appear to have much of a game plan, and don’t really get to do all that much anyway.
The concept of the movie is based around this game called “geohunt” that involves people traveling around the country taking part in something akin to a scavenger hunt, only with GPS units to guide them. At least that’s the best I could figure out from what little info the movie gave me. I looked “geohunt” up on Google and it turns out to be an actual hobby. The filmmakers make a critical error by never actually explaining to novice viewers how this all works. We’re given only the faintest idea as to what the hell they’re doing and it’s often confusing as hell. It’s also boring as hell. Ever taken part in a scavenger hunt? It’s fun to participate in. Watching other people participating in a scavenger hunt – not so fun. Watching other people in a movie pretending to be taking part in a scavenger hunt – even less fun. Sure, it’s a slasher flick of sorts and someone eventually tries killing the players, but I generally find myself complaining about how horror movies based around characters out in the woods typically devolve into people walking around those woods for long periods of time; Are You Scared 2 is a horror movie where the whole point is to watch people walking around the woods for long periods of time. Except for the film’s midsection; that’s when he get to watch people waltzing about an empty building for quite awhile.
Two couples are in search of a small fortune that we’re told nobody has ever been able to locate as part of some online geohunting game. The guys are all about this game. Their girlfriends hope to get it over with soon enough so they can all just enjoy a romantic trip together. They end up at a nature reserve. Their GPS devices take them to a building they think to be abandoned. Inside they’ll find a random body part, get gassed, wake up in cells tagged with locator devices around their ankles, and yet are still willing to believe the speaker voice that sounds like Jigsaw by way of Barry White when it tells them this is all part of the game. It isn’t until a hooded slasher in a homemade Lordi mask and a crazy good ol’ boy try to kill them do they realize that all is not right with this game. To call these four dumber than a box of truck nuts would be too polite.
Their fight for survival is really more of a walkabout for survival. Again, they skulk about this building and the great outdoors guided by their GPS devices, only this time they move faster and yell more. Our pay-off for sitting through all 90 boring minutes of Are You Scared 2 is an improbable twist that’s really more lame than improbable.
Oh, did I mention Adam Busch (“Warren” of the Nerds of Doom from the final seasons of “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer”) appears for approximately 20 seconds. I’m assuming he’s friends with someone involved in the making of this movie and did them a favor.
Top billing goes to Tony Todd as the eccentric nutjob operator of an underground snuff website or something along those lines who lures geohunters to their doom. Todd sits behind a mixer board eavesdropping and videotaping them. I think he might have been shown standing on his feet twice.
The key word that keeps coming to mind to describe the film is boring. If you want to know just how boring Are You Scared 2 is, there’s so little of interest going on and Tony Todd has so little to do that time is actually devoted to showing Todd talking to his pet turtle, watering his plants, and playing with an Etch-A-Sketch.
1 out of 5
1/2 out of 5
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