Reviewed by Uncle Creepy
Starring (Cemetery Girls) Paul Naschy, Haydée Politoff, Rosanna Yanni, Ingrid Garbo; (Vampire Hookers) John Carradine, Erna Martha Bauman, Mark Campbell, Vic Diaz
Directed by (Cemetery Girls) Javier Aguirre; (Vampire Hookers) Cirio H. Santiago
Distributed by BCI Entertainment
Yeah, man! The Seventies! For those of you not old enough to remember that decade and its decadence, let me tell you, you really missed out. It was a different time and a different planet. There was free love, pills, booze, Match Game PM, and of course sleazy films littering the old mom and pop theatres of yesteryear. With this double feature release BCI reminds us of those strange old days.
The two films included here are amazingly cheesy fun. First up — Paul Naschy in Cemetery Girls. Four traveling chicks lose a wagon wheel(!) and end up stranded in the Carpathian mountains. Good thing for them Dr. Wendell aka Count Dracula (Naschy) is there to give them a place to stay. Later on he forces them to suck each other’s blood, whip some virgins, and then lick their wounds clean. Come on! What else would Dracula do in the decade that gave us bell bottoms and polyester?!? Make sense? No. Does it have to? Who cares!
From there we move on to the second feature, Vampire Hookers. The great John Carradine stars as John Peter Richmond, the vampire. This smooth-talking cat is the pimp daddy of a stable of negligee wearing vamps who lure in victims nightly as a means to keep food on the old table, or in the old bed for that matter. Here we have lady vamps the likes of which we’ve never seen before … vamps with … tan-lines! That’s right tan-lines! The hotness of these vixens obviously shields them from the usual sun burning shenanigans found in other toothy flicks. Break out the garlic and the dollar bills, folks!
These movies are almost impossible to rate on the normal scale of good and bad so, screw it! Just pop them in and have some fun! Speaking of which …
Whoever designed the menus for this DVD deserves a pat on the back. The old movie theatre feel and look fits perfectly with the package and will lend more than a few smiles to viewers. To further subscribe to the old school movie-going flavor you can either watch the flicks as a true double feature complete with commercials and trailers or independently by themselves. Totally cool!
In terms of special features the only extra here is the ability to watch the trailers separately from their incorporation. Don’t let that sway you though … getting these two flicks for the price of barely one is this DVD’s main selling point!
So that’s it! Pop some corn! Dim the lights! Let the booze flow! It’s like living the Seventies movie experience right in your own living room. Minus the bad clothes, bad hair, and stench of piss that permeated every little theatre back then. Enjoy!
4 out of 5
1 out of 5
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