Reviewed by The Foywonder
Starring C. Thomas Howell, Tyshawn Bryant, Rachel Montez Collins, Johanna Watts, Robert Wu, Gregory Allan Williams
Directed by Thunder Levin
Mutant Vampire Zombies from the Hood! What a title. And what an opening title sequence too; bombastic superhero music and similar animated wording, the opening credits for Mutant Vampire Zombies from the Hood!‘s splash across the screen in a manner very reminiscent to that of a Superman movie. It sent the message right off the bat to viewers that this was not going to be your typical zombie flick and that we should all prepare ourselves for a wild ride. Which is why I couldn’t help but be a bit disappointed that Mutant Vampire Zombies from the Hood! never quite lived up to that initial promise.
This isn’t to say the film is a total dud because it’s not. Heck, compared to low budget hip-hop zombie garbage like Zombiez…
Hang on. A cold shiver just ran down my spine from just mentioning the title of that awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful movie. God I hate that movie so.
Anyway, the point I was going to make is that compared to crap like that film and a plethora of other worthless no budget zombie flicks MVZFTH! for short is a perfectly fine zombie romp. But, and unfortunately I have to include a but, when it comes right down to it, well, let me put it this way, when a character actually yells “I have had it with these motherfuckin’ zombies in my motherfuckin’ hood!” you know the creative well only runs so deep and the film isn’t anywhere as witty as it wants to be. You know the movie is set in the hood because pretty much every other sentence out of the mouths of most of the characters includes some variation of “fuck”, “fuckin'”, or “motherfucker”.
C. Thomas Howell is David, a white cop in South Central, Los Angeles. Tyshawn Bryant is G-Dog, the leader of the local black gang. Robert Wu is Dragon, the leader of a rival Asian gang. The two gangs are making a deal in a warehouse. David and his partner are hiding in the rafters waiting to make the bust despite being vastly outnumbered and having no police back-up in the vicinity. The deal goes sour. Everyone begins shooting at everyone else. David’s partner is critically injured. Right then a massive solar flare hits Earth. Everyone in the warehouse passes out; when they come to a few hours later, it’s a whole new world.
So after a set-up along the lines of Night of the Comet with those inside being shielded from the cosmic event and radiation-scarred zombies prowling the otherwise empty streets, MVZFTH! very quickly settles into all-too-familiar zombie movie territory. David, G-Dog, Dragon, their gangs, and a few other survivors they come upon have to trek the dangerous streets to the barricaded home of an astrophysicist (Gregory Allan Williams, AKA the “Baywatch” black cop on the four-wheeler) who managed to send out a televised SOS to any other survivors in the vicinity. The astrophysicist has a really hot daughter, also a scientist; she’s been studying corpses of mutant vampire zombies to see what makes them tick.
Now about the mutant vampire zombies, really, they’re pretty much just typical zombies that happen to feed on blood instead of eating human flesh or brains. We’re told a few have actually managed to maintain some level of human intelligence; these smarter mutant vampire zombies get little screen time, unfortunately. The film’s best (and all too brief) sequence has the group being taken captive in a strip club where one of these zombies with smarts has set-up shop. Mostly though, the zombies are just your typical b-movie zombies that do a lot of biting and ripping apart until the good guys begin using them as target practice; or in the case of Dragon, kung fus the crap out of them.
On the one hand you have to admire the way the filmmakers pulled some of this stuff off with what was obviously a very low budget; for example, a scene where the group guns down a small army of zombies. On the other hand, the way it’s all shot with actors shown shooting randomly intercut with random zombies falling dead shots; that isn’t all that exciting or spectacular. Still, the effort deserves some applause compared to so many other low budget zombie movies to come along of late. I again refer you to Zombiez.
Okay, there is one other twist to these zombies of note. They’re not just mutant vampire zombies. They’re actually horny mutant vampire zombies! Get their hands on a pretty girl and the zombies might be more inclined to drop their pants. Or as one horny mutant vampire zombie does, jerks himself off with a woman’s severed head.
Speaking of horny, the much older Howell and the much younger and hotter scientist daughter develop a romance – an unlikely romance if you ask me. Then again, when 99.9% of the Earth’s population has been wiped out I guess a hot chick can’t be too picky anymore. Problems arise for everyone when the two of them start doing it right there on the balcony in front of a bunch of zombies who get so worked up into a frenzy watching that they trash the gate and storm the house.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m just a hard sell because I’m totally burned out on the zombie movie subgenre as a whole. Too often MVZFTH! felt like another rehash of the “same old, same old” enlivened by some genuine enthusiasm on the part of the cast and filmmakers. The second half when they first encounter the smarter zombies and then reach the scientist’s compound is much better than the tiresome opening half that plays like just another Romero-esque zombie movie with a hip-hop twist. I don’t know exactly what I was expecting from this movie – something a little wilder, a little crazier, a bit more inspired, so I ended up coming away mildly disappointed even though it really isn’t that bad a movie. It’s definitely not the instant cult classic it wants to be.
2 1/2 out of 5
Before We Vanish Review – A Quirky and Original Take on Alien Invasions
Starring Masami Nagasawa, Ryûhei Matsuda, Hiroki Hasegawa
Written by Kiyoshi Kurosawa
Directed by Kiyoshi Kurosawa
During the J-horror rampage of the late 90’s and early 2000’s, Kiyoshi Kurosawa’s Kairo (aka Pulse). A dark, depressing, and morose tale of ghosts that use the internet to spread across the world, the film’s almost suffocatingly gloomy atmosphere pervaded across every frame of the film. Because of my love of this film, I was eager to see the director’s upcoming movie Sanpo Suru Shinryakusha (aka Before We Vanish), which follows three aliens who recently arrived on Earth and are preparing to bring about an alien invasion that will wipe humanity from the face of the planet. Imagine my surprise when the film turned out to be barely a horror title but was instead a quirky and surreal dramedy that tugged at my heartstrings.
Admittedly, I was thrown completely for a loop as the film begins with a scene that feels perfectly at home in a horror film. Akira (Tsunematsu), a teenage girl, goes home and we enter moments later to blood splashed on the walls and floor and bodies strewn about. However, the disturbing visuals are spun around as the young girl walks down a highway, her clothes and face streaked with blood, Yusuke Hayashi’s music taking on a lighthearted, almost jaunty attitude. From there, we learn of the other two aliens (yes, she’s an alien and it’s not a secret or a twist, so no spoilers there): Amano (Takasugi), who is a young man that convinces a sleazy reporter, Sakurai (Hasegawa), of his true form and tasks Sakurai with being his guide, and Shinji (Matsuda), the estranged husband of Narumi (Nagasawa).
What sets these aliens, and their mission, apart from other invasion thrillers is their means of gathering information. They’re not interested in meeting leaders nor do they capture people for nefarious experimentations. Rather, they steal “concepts” from the minds of people, such as “family”, “possession”, or “pest”. Once these concepts are taken, the victim no longer has that value in their mind, freed from its constraints.
While this may seem like a form of brainwashing, Kurosawa instead plays with the idea that maybe knowing too much is what holds us back from true happiness. A man obsessed with staking claim to his family home learns to see the world outside of its walls when “possession” is no longer a part of his life. A touchy boss enters a state of child-like glee after “work” has been taken. That being said, there are other victims who are left as little more than husks.
Overly long at 130 minutes, the film does take its time showing the differences between the aliens and their individual behaviors. Amano and Akira are casually ruthless, willing to do whatever it takes to send a beacon to begin the alien invasion, no matter how many must die along the way, while Shinji is the curious and almost open-minded one, whose personal journey finds him at one point asking a priest to envision and describe “love”, a concept that is so individualistic and personal that it can’t be taken, much less fathomed, by this alien being. While many of these scenes are necessary, they could have easily been edited down to shave 10-15 minutes, making the film flow a bit more smoothly.
While the film begins on a dark note, there is a scene in the third act that is so pure and moving that tears immediately filled my eyes and I choked up a little. It’s a moment of both sacrifice and understanding, one that brings a recurring thread in the story full circle.
With every passing minute, Before We Vanish makes it clear that it’s much more horror-adjacent than horror. An alien invasion thriller with ultimate stakes, it will certainly have appeal to genre fans. That being said, those who go in expecting action, violence, and terror will certainly be disappointed. But those whose mind is a bit more open to a wider range of possibilities will find a delightful story that attempts to find out what it means to be human, even if we have to learn the lesson from an alien.
Before We Vanish is a beautiful, wonderful tale that explores what it means to be human when faced with the threat of extinction.
Delirium Review – Bros, Cameras And A Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin On
Starring Mike C. Manning, Griffin Freeman, Ryan Pinkston
Directed by Johnny Martin
When will these testosterone-overloaded frat bros with cameras ever learn that pissing off the evil souls of the departed all in the name of amusement won’t get you anywhere but wrecked? Same goes for filmmakers: when will they learn that found-footage exploits set in a house of pure sadism are something of a wrung-out affectation? Oh well, as long as people keep renting them, they’ll continue to get manufactured…which might or might not be to the benefit of the horror film-watching populous.
Delirium opens with a poor lad, strapped with a GoPro, running for his life through a labyrinth of haunted territory, praying for an escape…and it’s a foregone conclusion as to what happens to this trespassing individual. We then relocate our focus towards a collection of (ahem), “gentlemen” self-titled as The Hell Gang, and their escapades are about as profound as their grasp on the English language and its verbiage. The words “dude”, creepy”, and the term “what the fuck” are thrown about so much in this movie it’ll make your head spin to the point of regurgitation. Anyway, their interest in the home of the Brandt clan is more piqued now than ever, especially considering one of their own has gone missing, and they’ve apparently got the gonads to load up the cameras, and traverse the property after-hours, and against the warnings of the local law-enforcement, who surprisingly are just inadequate enough to ignore a dangerous situation. The cursed family and the residence has quite the illustrious and bleak history, and it’s ripe for these pseudo-snoopers to poke around in.
Usually I’m curb-stomping these first person POV movies until there’s nothing left but a mash of blood, snot and hair left on the cement, but Martin’s direction takes the “footage” a little bit outside of the box, with steadier shots (sometimes) and a bit more focus on the characters as they go about their business. Also, there are a few genuinely spooky scenes to speak of involving the possession of bodies, but there really isn’t much more to crow about, as the plot’s basically a retread of many films before it, and with this collection of borderline-douches manning the recording equipment, it’s a sad state of affairs we’re in that something such as this has crept its way towards us all again. I’m always down for jumping into a cold grave, especially when there could be a sweet prize to be dug up in all that dirt, but Delirium was one of those movies that never let you find your footing, even after you’ve clawed your way through all of the funereal sediment – take a hard pass on this one.
Got about a half-dozen bros with cameras and a wanton will to get slaughtered on camera, all the while repetitively uttering the same phrases all damn day long? Then my friends, you’ve got yourself a horror movie!
Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters Review – A Timid Step Towards a Frightening Possibility
Starring Mamoru Miyano, Takahiro Sakurai, Kana Hanazawa, Yuki Kaji, Tomokazu Sugita
Directed by Kobun Shizuno and Hiroyuki Seshita
The Godzilla series is the longest-running franchise in cinema history. With over 30 films over a 60+ year career, the famous kaiju has appeared in video games, comic books, TV shows, and more, cementing its place as one of the most recognizable cultural icons in the past 100 years. With Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters, the titular beast makes its foray into the world of anime in this first film in a proposed trilogy. While there are moments that are genuinely thrilling, the film unfortunately fails to capture the imagination and wonder that is at its fingertips.
The story is quite simple: Earth is under attack by swarms of various kaiju who are wreaking havoc across the planet. Entire cities are being destroyed when Godzilla appears to vanquish humanity’s foes. Unfortunately, the King of the Monsters isn’t really there to help humans and its rampage continues until a race of alien beings arrive at Earth asking for a place to stay in exchange for defeating Godzilla. When they are unable to do that, the remaining humans board a giant spaceship to venture off into space in search of a new home only to come back some 20 years later, nearly 20,000 years later by Earth time (think Interstellar logic), to search for resources and, possibly, a planet that will welcome them once again. However, Godzilla is still around and isn’t keen on sharing.
The main character of the film is Haruo Sakaki, a young man who begins the film by nearly following through on a suicide bomber terrorist act that is meant to call attention to humanity’s loss of vision and failure to fulfill their mission of finding a suitable home for the remaining survivors. Even though he is accosted and jailed for this act, he is eventually freed when people realize that his lifelong passion of killing Godzilla is the foundation for research he’s done in finding a way to take down the creature…a plan that just might work. The other characters are so forgettable that I forgot their names during the film.
From there, the film essentially pivots into following a massive team of volunteers who land on Earth’s surface to lay a trap for Godzilla in order to destroy it. Since this is Earth 20,000 years after they left, the flora and fauna have evolved and changed so radically that the team have no idea what to expect or how to react, so caution is a must.
The problem with this is that while the characters have to be cautious, the film doesn’t nor should it. The movie has the chance to explore the wealth of imaginative opportunities at its fingertips and yet does almost everything it can to avoid doing just that. The color scheme is flat and uninteresting. The character movements lack smoothness and the action sequences fall victim to shaky cam syndrome. There are a few mentions of some of the changes that have taken place on the planet, such as razor sharp plants, but they’re so incidental or offhand that it feels like no one making the film has any interest in seeing anything other than man against beast.
Speaking of this dynamic, the action sequences are quite entertaining but also feel somewhat reserved. Godzilla barely moves and much of the destruction levied against the humans is seen from a distance, apart from an attack on a military outpost by dragon-like creatures. For nearly the entire film, I found myself thinking, “I’m okay with this but that’s about it.”
The brightest moment in the film are the last few minutes and I won’t spoil what happens. Suffice it to say that it definitely has me interested in the second and third films but I really hope that this new world will be explored further in those entries. Otherwise, we’ve got a fascinating foundation that will be squandered.
Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters is a bland entry in a trilogy that has great potential. For a first course, there’s a distinct lack of flavor or complexity. The final minutes are the only saving grace and I hope that the second and third films make use of that grand wonder.
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