9

Man in the Garage, The (2008)

The Man in the Garage (click for larger image)Reviewed by Kryten Syxx

Starring Disco (!), Nathan Gray, Maggie May, Jasmine Serra, Sarah Herrick, Don Dweitt and John Beers

Directed By Robert Luke


I love when a big box of indy films arrive at the door. Unlike regular studio releases and direct-to-video features, the independent market is usually a heftier grab bag of goods. On occasion you can get amazingly fun flicks like Colonel Kill Motherfuckers or Zombabies; well made artsy horror movies such as Alone with Her and even “so bad their good” entries not unlike Die and Let Live. Then … oh god … then there are the super small budget productions that fail to entertain on even the most primitive level. That’s what really makes Jesus weep.

In the box of goods that came recently, there was a movie that sounded very intriguing. The Man in the Garage had a great poster and an even better opening featuring a child’s drawings used to present the credits. The story was simple enough to follow and could have made for an interesting slasher; a husband and wife think that their daughter’s friend who lives in the garage is just imaginary, but that’s far from the truth. There really is a man residing in the family’s overstuffed garage, and he’s pretty damn savage. Think of him as Ted Nugent if he were pumped up on PCP, acid and cocaine.

The Man in the Garage (click for larger image)About 10 to 15 minutes into the flick, people watching it with me started to nod off. That’s not a good sign considering this was the middle of the day. I, however, was determined to stick through it. The acting was serviceable to downright awful, but there’s worse out there. Hell, the thought of Ted Nugent’s retarded cousin ripping apart suburbanites was enough to keep me … awake…. Zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz.

Zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz ::snort:: Babysitter with nice pierced tits ::snort:: zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz.

Zzzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz ::sniffle:: Wacky, conspiracy theory neighbor who adds nothing to the plot. zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz.

Zzzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz ::fart:: No one ever notices a guy looking like Captain Caveman living in their garage. Not a single person investigates the disappearance of the babysitter or anyone else killed by Mr. Oonga Boonga. zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz.

The Man in the Garage (click for larger image)Zzzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz ::nocturnal emission:: The police are never called even when the Nug’s barbaric clone is on the loose, chasing a woman and her child. zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz.

Z zzz zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzz zzzz zzzzz. Uh?! What?! Oh, I thought it was just all a boring dream that didn’t make sense, but it looks like The Man in the Garage was real. Sadly, he’s not someone I’d recommend to any horror fan. This movie could use a good trip to the editing room. There’s plenty in here that contributes nothing to the plot or helps us become more interested in the characters. Not even watching a guy named Disco drilling out a guy’s eye raised so much as a “cool.” It also didn’t help that this madman was taken out by a couple of empty boxes and a small drill bit to the stomach at the end. Sigh. Back to sleep I go.

“>“>
2 out of 5

Discuss The Man in the Garage in the Dread Central forums!

Kryten Syxx

  • Kryten Syxx

    BB is right, I put as much effort into this review as I believe the filmmakers put into their film. It felt like someone’s homemovie with a paper thin plot and loads of random/useless characters thrown in just to expand the runtime to 90 minutes.

  • PelusaMG

    As some people say, “Less is more”…

    … or maybe only guys with small dicks say that?

    :-/

  • Uncle Creepy

    Just my two cents … sometimes when it comes to Indie flicks there’s just not much to talk about. Bad concepts. Bad scripts. Bad acting. When you sit through as many of them a month as we do you’ll find the usage of something like ZZZ’s is more therapeutic than it is lazy! LOL

  • Terminal

    Why thank you Blockbuster, I’ll wait for Syxx’s response just the same. Regardless Syxx, the case I’m trying to make is I wanted information, not a lot of Zzzzzz’s. And yes, I know, I know, people fell asleep, Ted Nugent in a garage, I read your review, but the zzzz’s just seem lazy to me. I want to know about these movies.

  • Blockbuster

    Actually Terminal, I think that might have been the point that Syxx was trying to convey…I still want to see the movie for the chick though…lol

  • Terminal

    Why not put that in the review instead of a lot of zzzzzzzz’s? At least put some effort, is all I’m saying. I didn’t get anything from this review.

  • Blockbuster

    The titties are nice though…too bad I’m at WORK when I clicked on the pics!!!! If only I had known…

  • Kryten Syxx

    Like I said Terminal, Ted Nugent hides in a garage and occasionally kills people with no motive to do so. The acting goes from ‘meh’ to ‘good lord this sucks.’ I was the only one out of four people that actually stayed awake through it in the middle of a Saturday afternoon and that was tough.

    There’s something in there about the problem of parents not taking a bigger role in their child’s life, however the film is just so dull that I was more worried about when it would end rather than what would happen.

  • Terminal

    Um… just a lot of zzzzz’s? I wanted to know about this movie. Too bad.