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Psychon Invaders (2007)

Psychon Invaders review!Reviewed by Melissa Bostaph

Starring Randal Malone, Victoria De Mare, Michelle Kova, Vincent Bilancio

Directed by Jeff Leroy


When a film starts out with naked girls wrapped in writhing tentacles, it instantly has my full attention. What can I say? I’m a sucker for any nod at tentacle hentai, especially when the girl is hot and the tentacles look decent. And even though the girl’s nipples are more horrifying than the aliens who remove her face with their fingertip lasers, I couldn’t look away. Boy, did I think I was in for a treat!

Too bad the REAL movie starts right after that…

During the introduction to the main character, she is told “you can’t help anyone working at a soup kitchen”, and then she’s shot in the face with an experimental weapon … and within a few more minutes of the viewing I wished the same for myself!

Somebody please shoot me!

But make sure it’s with something a bit cooler than a badly disguised Nerf gun that supposedly destroys electronics and will make me see that the people around me are villainous aliens (that’s pretty much how I see people now so the power would be wasted on me anyways). At any rate this newly gifted with alien sight girl is now one of the few people on the planet that are aware of the presence of the aliens, and it seems to be her fate to save the world … Lord Help US ALL!

Psychon Invaders review (click to see it bigger)As the film progresses further, we meet an overabundance of additional characters, most of whom are pointless filler for an inane plot. I say that as if there actually was a plot. I’m sure there was a figment of one at some point, but it wandered right out of the movie and never bothered to inform the director or leave a forwarding address. Instead we are left with a rambling run-on sentence that engulfs the better part of an hour and a half in a flashy blanket of space droppings.

Even though there is a modicum of talent shown in the directorial, cinematographic, and gore effect departments, it isn’t enough to save this film from itself, let alone the Psychon Invaders that are showcased in it. The film’s acting is over the top, the make-up is ridiculously fake (I have to mention one male character in particular that looks like a waxwork figure in a heat wave), the cartoonish CGI gets annoying faster than a drunk blonde at a book club meeting, the overused explosions never seem to alert the general public to the Martian threat, and it has the worst wardrobe usage I’ve ever seen. The one girl’s bra was seriously over-sized. It was the lingerie equivalent of carrying tennis balls in bowling bags!

They even fucked up my tentacle fantasies! DAMN THEM! The first tentacles showed so much promise that I almost could have overlooked some of the more minor flaws in the film, but NO! They had to make the subsequent tentacles out of plastic bags and twist ties that ended up looking like freakish sausages instead of the original effective tentacles from the opening sequence.

I’m sorry to say that even the random tit and panty-teaser gap shots are not enough to persuade me to give this film a more favorable review. It’s good that the filmmakers didn’t take themselves any more seriously because even through his angora haze, Ed Wood would be able to see that Psychon Invaders is a cinematic turd.

2 out of 5

Discuss Psychon Invaders in the Dread Central forums!

Melissa Bostaph

  • frank_dracman

    Know what I honestly like about this site? Hardly any fighting, swearing, yelling, TYPING IN ALL CAPS, ect. so come on guys, leave this kind of stuff for the other sites. you are better than that. As far as the review goes, so it only got two. It still looks weird enough for me to check out if I get a chance. It’s just a review, not gospel. Remember when Ebert gave Spawn 3 1/2 stars?

  • Terminal

    “What do you do for a living? Let me guess, you’re a wannabe.”

    I minored in wannabe with a PHD in Has been, but my real profession is keeping it real.

    Word.

  • DeathbyKisses

    Oh, and by the way, Messiahman, I AM ALREADY making it in this business and YOUR ARE THE FUCKING ASSHOLE FOR ATTACKING ME OUT OF NOWHERE.

    My behavior is childish & shitty??? Oh, but Melissa has to have all her friends comment me back, and HER attacking everyone in the film isn’t shitty???

    News flash for Melissa: The actors and filmmakers that you fucking SHIT ON FOR NO REASON may have something to say back in response to your reviews. SUCK IT UP AND MOVE ON!!!

    Oh, and Terminal, how dare you call me a bitch. I used no profanity whatsoever in my comment, but since ALL OF YOU ARE ATTACKING THE SHIT OUT OF ME-GO FUCK YOURSELF TO DEATH YOU FUCKING PIECE OF FILTH AND GET YOUR FUCKING FACTS STRAIGHT BEFORE YOU FUCKING SAY A FUCKING THING, YOU FUCKING IDIOT! What do you do for a living? Let me guess, you’re a wannabe.

  • DeathbyKisses

    You know what, I wasn’t attacking her, I was simply stating the truth of my OPINION just like she was stating her OPINION.

    And, I’m not the filmmaker.

    I’d also love to know how the hell Melissa even got a copy of this DVD since it is only available for sale and rent in JAPAN AND NOT IN THE US.

    So, all of you fucking IDIOTS attacking me who is just simply reacting to a ridiculous review by a critic who obviously has no knowledge nor sense of humor can GO FUCK THEMSELVES.

    NONE OF YOU HAVE EVEN SEEN THIS FILM.

    I HATE PATHETIC SITES WHO ATTRACT PATHETIC LOSERS WHO JUST HAVE TO SHIT ON EVERYONE ELSE WHO IS ACTUALLY DOING WHAT THEY SET OUT TO DO.

    THE THICKNESS OF MY SKIN IS JUST FINE. IF YOU SCRATCH ME, I DON’T BLEED, I SIMPLY SCRATCH BACK, IF YOU’RE LUCKY.

  • Terminal

    Why do most indie filmmakers have to be whiny bitches? I mean, if you can’t take criticism and call yourself an artist, then you really need to pack up and move on. Shut the fuck up, already. Melissa’s review was pretty good, I won’t say great, but pretty good, and she was honest. Don’t like it? Go be an accountant.

  • Messiahman

    Newsflash, Victoria: if you’re gonna make it in this business, you’re gonna need to grow a thicker fucking skin. Attacking a critic for posting a mediocre review of your film only serves to make you look like an asshole airing sour grapes.

    Melissa’s review is just fine; your behavior is childish and shitty. Now suck it up and move on.

  • DeathbyKisses

    Hey, Melissa, have you no knowledge of campy, low-budget sci-fi filmmaking and no sense of humor at all? Obviously so. This film is oh, so obviously supposed to be funny and not serious. But, I guess you missed that and you are one of those many haters out there who loves to shit all over someone else to make themselves feel better. Shame on you. VDM.

  • Tsotha-lanti

    When I saw the headline I first saw the title as “Pynchon Invaders”, which would probably have been… well, I have no idea since I’ve never read a single Pynchon book. :D

  • Terminal

    He doesn’t want to sleep on the couch.

  • Undeadmin

    kiss ass.

  • DW Bostaph Jr

    poetry