Reviewed by Uncle Creepy
Starring Sam McMurray, Daniel Franzese, Eric Jungmann, Andy Milonakis, Shane McRae
Directed by Robert Englund
Distributed by Lionsgate Home Entertainment
To quote the horridly obese woman from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre redux — “Oh my, my, my, my”. Robert Englund has spent almost his entire career playing roles that have left audiences gasping for breath. To say he’s a genre icon is an understatement. Every now and again, like most actors, he likes to try his hand behind the camera instead of in front of it. The results have been mixed. His latest film, Killer Pad, nixes straight horror in favor of a more comedic approach. Essentially it’s the kind of movie you put on at a party in the background, and it never strives to be more than that.
The story is simple; three schleps from middle America come into some cash when a veterinarian accidentally cuts the nuts off their dog, aptly named Ballsy. With fortune on their side and nothing else to do, they head West to California to rent a party place that can act as a chick magnet and ensure their chances of getting laid. They end up getting a great bargain. A nice house in the hills! Too bad it’s built over the portal to Hell. Still, they’re new in town and horny. Our trio ends up doing what any hormone driven trio of putzes would do — have a house party! It’s not long before the guests and demons show up, and WHAMMO — instant body count. Can our sultans of stupidity save the day? The real question is will you care? Probably not.
Killer Pad for all intents and purposes is nothing more than eighty-four minutes of mindless ass, fart, shit, and dick jokes. The F/X handled by the very talented Robert Hall are few and far between, and the editing is at times absolutely incoherent. Case in point — Two porn stars and their midget pimp(!) walk into a room. Close up — them screaming. Cut to — satanic painting on wall for three seconds. Next scene — them laying under a blanket dead in bed. I have no clue what happened. Yet, that seems par for the course with this one. There are some genuinely amusing one-liners and set-ups, but just like the F/X, they are few and far between.
In terms of extras there’s one eleven-minute featurette entitled Making-of Killer Pad: All-Digital Workflow. This quick behind-the-scenes look at what it was like making the first all digital (meaning there was no actual film or videotape used in the capturing of the onscreen images) movie. Yep, that’s right. Not a single reel of film or cassette was harmed in the making of this picture. The sad thing? This was far more interesting than the film itself. Things are then capped off with a very lively commentary by Englund that’s also a lot of fun.
Ultimately, this flick delivers some laughs and more than its fair share of eye-rolling groans. If you’re looking to kill some time and kick back with some good-natured idiocy, this is your hot ticket! Everyone else need not RSVP.
2 1/2 out of 5
2 1/2 out of 5
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