Reviewed by Kryten Syxx
Starring Andrew Varbel, Tanya Fox, Jonny Jonny, Erik A. Williams, Timo, Kevin Strange and Joshitsuo Montoya
Directed by Kevin Strange
Distributed by Hack Movies
How does one even start to review a film titled Colonel Kill Motherfuckers? It isn’t an actual horror movie in the typical sense. There’s no real horror to be found, but there’s plenty of gore, profanity and nerdiness. This is a conundrum…
Colonel Kill Motherfuckers is a tale of revenge. A psychopathic Army colonel has been discharged from the service and is accidentally killed by a giant lollipop (!). His grotesque witch of a mother brings Colonel Kill back to life and sends him to eliminate those motherfuckers! At the center of this whole mess is a group of role playing friends who just want to get fucked up and laid. Ah, the American dream! Too bad the motherfucker they just killed is back to kill those motherfuckers. Fuck!
And that is the basic plot of the film. That plot combined with a low budget should instantly spell disaster as we’ve seen countless times before, but everything somehow works out in the end. While watching this movie part of the brain says “fuck this is bad” while the other side thinks “they actually tried to entertain us and it works … who would have guessed?!” That is why the entire affair is perplexing to me. How does one decide if this film is good or not?
Colonel Kill Motherfuckers (gotta love saying that title) is so over the top in its humor and vulgarity that it appeals to the inner sicko each of us pretend doesn’t exist. That little beast will break loose when you start seeing fat trannies getting eaten out, salads being tossed and two dudes jerk off to “National Geographic” magazine! How the hell could you not want to watch this? There’s even plenty of geeky references to RPGs, horror pictures and Buffy. All the bases are covered for most basement dwellers and Internet addicts. All it lacked were jokes about herpes.
What I was surprised with was the quality of the performances from most of the actors. In most low budget productions, even the ones that attempt humor, you’re pretty much getting what you paid for. In Colonel Kill Motherfuckers there’s actual comedic timing and a pretty witty script that far outweighs the whole “shot on my camcorder” look of the pic. Remember that little word we usually bring up when talking about Indy movies? Talent.
Colonel Kill Motherfuckers made me sick and slightly aroused at the same time. Bravo! There’s talent here in this movie. Check it out for yourself and see.
After watching the screener many times, I started to wonder what else Hack Movies could do to make the actual DVD a better sell than it already was. For about $10 those motherfuckers pack a whole lot of motherfucking stuff into one motherfucking disc! Holy shit!
In the world of indy horror filmmaking it is pretty rare for anyone to put out a disc that is bursting with special features that rival most big budget Hollywood DVD releases. Most of the time we’ll see a few bloopers and maybe a commentary, but director Kevin Strange and his gang loaded Colonel Kill Motherfuckers with everything under the sun!
First let’s look at the three feature length commentaries. The cast commentary is comprised of most of the actors from the film and something is always going on. There’s also a lot to be learned about getting your woman into anal sex.
The technical commentary pretty much matches its title. The Hack Movies crew fill us in on how they used amazing CGI to create everything, even the lighting without being a total fuck-up like George Lucas.
With the director’s commentary I’ll leave you with this: Strip Magic the Gathering.
The Behind the Kill vignettes are a collection of behind-the-scenes videos showing how the Hack Movies gang created and pulled off their gorier kills. It’s quite interesting what people can pull off with no money. There’s better body mutilation here than in all of Experiment in Torture‘s whole $25,000 budget! What the fuck?!
Bloopers, ah nothing beats a blooper reel.
Like I said before, the Colonel Kill DVD is a steal, so why the hell haven’t you picked one up yet? Head on over to Hack Movies and order your copy today.
If you want to learn more about Kevin Strange and Hack Movies, check out intreview with him!
4 out of 5
5 out of 5