Reviewed by Uncle Creepy
Starring Elisha Cuthbert, Daniel Gillies, Michael Harney, Laz Alonso
Directed by Roland Joffe
Distributed by Lionsgate Home Entertainment
Jesus Christ. Where to start?
Picture if you will being alone in a darkened room. The only light comes from the TV flickering in front of you. On the screen some of the most vile and hard-to-sit-through stuff you have ever seen unfolds before your very eyes. You have no choice. You cannot escape. You must finish watching this piece of shit film so you can write out a review. Welcome to my world. The world of a horror DVD critic.
I’m not going to bother getting into exactly why Captivity sucked. My colleague Andrew Kasch more than nailed that in his Captivity review here. Really there’s nothing more to cover film-wise. Instead, let’s look at the DVD itself.
The first thing you’re going to wonder when looking at the cover is whether or not an unrated cut of this film can make any difference in terms of its entertainment value. No. It was shit. It is shit. It’s now just longer shit.
Moving on …
In terms of supplemental material we get a decent little package. Although why anyone would want to stick around long enough to watch anything else having to do with this friggin’ mess of a movie is completely beyond me. First up is an eleven-minute making-of featurette that I watched in its entirety just to see what these folks had to say for themselves. Whatever. Next up we have a fourteen-minute look at the additional torture footage filmed for Captivity‘s eventual release. These scenes were the only part of the flick that was even remotely interesting, but not because they are good. The word good does not apply in any way, shape, or form to this final nail in the torture-porn sub-genre. The aforementioned scenes are only interesting because of their laughable absurdity. Finally there are sixteen minutes of deleted scenes that offer two equally as shitty alternate endings and a trailer.
Don’t let your curiosity get the better of you. There are far more entertaining ways to pass your time, such as:
That is all. You’ve been warned. Don’t blame me if you decide to sit through it anyway.
1 out of 5
2 out of 5
Don’t discuss Captivity in our Dread Central forums or anywhere else. Please!