Directed by Hans-Christian Schmid
Distributed by Genius Products, LLC.
Ever since The Exorcist cinematic tales of possession have been tossed out at us in rapid fire succession. The problem? Most of them suck, and suck bad. Why is it so hard to concoct a good movie dealing with the subject? With the exception of the aforementioned Friedkin masterpiece, the only other film that … ahem … gave the devil his due was 2005’s The Exorcism of Emily Rose (Review). Emily Rose‘s story was based upon the real life exploits of a poor 23-year-old Bavarian girl named Anneliese Michel (Special Report here), who died while enduring a barrage of failed exorcisms. Her story is without question one of the most frightening accounts pertaining to demonic possession ever. So frightening, in fact, that another film has surfaced to tell her story. Enter the German film Requiem. Now that it has entered so to speak, please allow me a moment to exorcise my own demons and kick it right back out the door. Before I get into the ins and outs of this mess of a movie, let’s start with a brief outline of the story.
A small town girl gets her chance to leave her family and attend college. While there she makes friends, has fun, and becomes possessed by the Beast. You know, just your typical stuff. After her outbursts become too much for her collegiate life, she heads back home for some chicken soup and Eucharist wafers. Of course the end result is deadly.
Let me just say it … Requiem sucks on levels that the human mind cannot conceive of. It’s as if the filmmakers said to themselves, “OK, so let’s make a movie about one woman’s struggle against the dark side, and while we’re at it, let’s leave out the dark side.” Nothing happens in this movie to signify that its main character Michaela (Hüller) was either possessed or even sick. There are no scares, shocks, or sound effects. Michaela’s so-called possession boils down to nothing more than her throwing a hissy-fit in front of her parents and exclaiming to her friends, “Look! I cannot touch the cross! I cannot even pray anymore!”. Oh, and she falls down a couple of times too. That’s really all there is to it. We don’t need conventional exorcism movie cliches like vomiting, cursing, and head spinning, but give us something. Anything! A dark shadow on the wall! Fart! Burp! Whatever! Just something other than what is here. Pretty please. I beg of you.
Even though the film’s run time is barely eighty-nine minutes, be warned — should you seek this miserable mind numbing bore-a-thon out, those minutes will feel like an eternity. Thankfully, there was not a single special feature on the disc, so at least my torture ceased with the end credits. Speaking of the end, I now present to you my …
Top 10 More Interesting Uses for the Requiem DVD: As Compelled by the Power of Christ
10 – Coaster
9 – Use as tool while sculpting The Pieta out of mashed potatoes
8 – A reason to drink! Yay bad movie!
7 – Shiny yarmulke
6 – Frisbee™
5 – Giant poker chip
4 – Wall decoration at Applebees
3 – Sleep aide
2 – Bling for aging rap icon Flava Flav
1 – (After widening the center hole in the DVD) Use to self-administer Penile Indian Burns as a reminder to never ever watch this crap again.
“Dimmy. Why you do this to me, Dimmy?” Bless me, Father, for I have snoozed.
1/2 out of 5
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