Directed by T. Michael Conway
In 1999 three kids got lost in the woods in Maryland and supposedly fell victim to an ancient and totally pissed off witch. Or so one was led to believe. Here we are almost ten years later, and still indie filmmakers are trying to capture that lightning in a bottle feel of The Blair Witch Project. God, there have been so many of them since Blair that they all somewhat bleed together. The formula is always the same: Kids spout profanities, argue, end up fodder for something otherworldly, roll credits. June 9 is the latest film in the reality horror sub-genre, and while events don’t stray far from the aforementioned formula, they do end up on a surprisingly blood-drenched road of their own.
Annoying. That’s the first word that pops into my head when recalling the exploits of the miscreant teens upon whom misfortune has lovingly smiled. You see, these kids weren’t out working on a project. Hell, they weren’t even exploring a haunted area. Out of boredom they decided to go and cause a ruckus in the neighboring town of Boston Mills. You know, lame shit like ringing doorbells and running away, crushing a mailbox here and there, etc. The only problem for them was the fact that there was something wrong in Boston Mills. The people there just aren’t right. You’d think they would say to themselves after the second or third visit, “Dude, something’s kind of off here. Fuck this place.” I know I would have. Instead they keep going back for more and more. On the morning of June 9th, our troublesome troupe would never be heard from again.
THANK GOD! Maybe I’m just getting old, but after watching like an hour and fifteen minutes of these kids acting like assholes, I wanted to kill them myself. Their painful (and hopefully slow) demise could not come soon enough. These little bastards need to be slaughtered! When the moment finally arrived, it was thankfully sweet and fuckin’ juicy. Ahhh…. Much better!
The ending of June 9 comes close to making all of the bullshit worth it. In fact, it’s fairly powerful. Yet, the question beckons — Does having a good ending make up for an otherwise flawed experience? That’s up to you and how much you dig this kind of flick. I’m willing to bet even the most hardcore of reality horror fans will find this ordeal on the tedious side of the fence. If you can make it through the first and second act without hitting the fast-forward button, you’re far more tolerant than I! Or maybe you’re just a glutton for punishment?
Speaking of punishment …
If you aren’t satisfied with the film itself, the DVD packs a few extras here and there. There are two commentaries, a making-of documentary, and some deleted scenes that were a bit more enjoyable than the film itself. Not a bad haul considering you don’t get much more of an indie production than this. Lord knows it’s a whole lot more than I expected. Good stuff!
June 9 delivers the chills reality horror fans are hoping for with a great gory twist. It’s just a shame the days leading up to it were so friggin’ long. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to check out the ending of this flick one more time just to watch these kids suffer again. What can I say? It’s the little things in life that make me smile.
Making June 9 documentary
2 1/2 out of 5
3 out of 5
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