Cult Classics: The Saga of the Viking Women / Teenage Caveman (DVD)

Cult Classics DVDThe Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent starring Abby Dalton, Susan Cabot, Bradford Jackson, June Kenney, Richard Devon, Betsy Jones-Moreland, Jonathan Haze, and Jay Sayer

Teenage Caveman starring Robert Vaughn,Sarah Marshall, Leslie Bradley, Frank DeKova, Charles P. Thompson, June Jocelyn, Jonathan Haze, Beach Dickerson, and Ed Nelson

Directed by Roger Corman

Distributed by Lionsgate

Being a horror fan and a DVD collector can sure be a good time. As more companies keep popping up, more obscure films are seeing the light of day. There are some titles I really thought were gone for good. Thank heaven for the DVD resurrection, baby! Looks like the old video graveyard is emptying out quicker than you could put on an old rubber monster suit. This is a good thing. Lionsgate has proved a lot to fans over the last few years, but none more so than the fact that they are one of this genre’s best friends. Get ready as they dig wayyyyy back into the old film vault and release two more Samuel Z. Arkoff produced classics as part of their much welcomed Cult Classics double-feature disc collection.

First up is a film with one of the absolute longest titles in celluloid history, The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent. How’s that for a mouthful, huh? The Fifties were a weird sexually repressed time, and that’s totally reflective of the movies geared toward teens during that decade. There’s an old saying: A stiff dick has no conscience. Apparently neither does the sex drive of a band of horny Viking chicks as they set out to retrieve their lost beaus through the dangerous terrain of the great and mighty Sea Serpent at all costs. Now I ask you, how far would you go to get laid? Call me crazy, but I think I’d rather palm it than fight a monster.

Viking Women is a fun little film brimming with scantily clad babes and shirtless guys that look for any reason to flex their muscles. There’s a little something-something for everyone here including an ambiguously gay barbarian prince. Whatever floats the old Viking ship; know what I’m saying, folks? Sadly, the aforementioned Sea Serpent is absent for most of the film’s runtime. To be honest, you never really even get to see the beastie too clearly either. This may have something to do with the fact that it resembles a sock puppet with rubber appliances here and there. How can you not be charmed by films like this? They’re so simple and often unintentionally hilarious. All you need are a few friends and a case of beer, and it’s guaranteed party time. Of course, some people may choose to umm –party- alone, and in that case, I’d recommend some different kinds of party favors of the heavily lubricated kind. Woo hoo!

Next up is Teenage Caveman. For the life of me, every time that I read or write that title all I can do is start singing “Baba O’Reily” while changing up a few lyrics to suit my needs. Ahem. Back to the review. Teenage Caveman is more or less a coming of age tale set in prehistoric times. A really young Robert Vaughn of C.H.U.D. II fame plays The Symbol Maker’s – you guessed it – teenage son. No one in this film actually has a name, just a role. Budgetary reasons maybe? One day he gets curious and decides to head out into a forbidden zone of sorts to try and find the answer to questions he has regarding tribal rules, his purpose in life, and where the Brylcreem in everyone’s hair is really coming from.

So what can you expect from this puppy? Dinosaurs of course. Well, sort of. Truth be told, there’s an assortment of creatures at our disposal here, one of which represents a trend that I am so glad ended quickly — the dreaded real animals with glued-on horns to make them look like ferocious prehistoric behemoths effect! Whose idea was this originally? This may even be worse than CGI! A baby alligator still looks like a baby alligator, no matter how big of a fin you glue onto its back! Sheesh! There are a few instances of these things, but thankfully we also get a guy in a laughable bear suit along with some dudes suited up in the old rubber-dino gear lumbering around for our enjoyment. But wait! That’s not the only thing that is out there in this strange wilderness. There’s also an evil god. A beast that can kill just by a touch of its hand a la Kill Bill! It’s the One Who Kills By Touch! Fear for your lives, damnit! FEAR IT!

For all its bravado Teenage Caveman is a fairly flaccid ordeal. It’s hokey to the point of becoming tedious, and despite some cool looking monsters (real animals dressed as monsters excluded), it ends up being more talky than it is fun. Still, by the time you get to this after watching the Viking Women, you’re apt to be buzzed enough to have a good time.

On the extras side of things, there’s nothing. Not even a trailer. Before you go crying foul, look at it this way: You’re getting two films for one low price. No matter how you slice it, that’s a can’t miss bargain.

So what’re you doing sitting’ there? Get off your ass and pick this package up STAT! Not only for shits and giggles, but for a chance to revisit a time when films didn’t have to be blockbusters, they just had to be fun.

Special Features
*Tumbleweed blows by*

3 out of 5

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Steve Barton

You're such an inspiration for the ways that I will never, ever choose to be.

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