One Missed Call 2 (2005)

Starring Mimura, Yu Yoshizawa, Renji Ishibashi

Directed by Renpei Tsukamoto

This movie wasn’t released, it ESCAPED. If enough people see it, I honestly believe it will be the end of the North American J-horror invasion. This movie is so terrible, it would make Switzerland go to war with Japan, I kid you not. The story is essentially a convoluted retelling of the already derivative original, but with a script pulled straight from the annals of Scooby Doo. Whether it’s the laughingly pathetic “failing flashlight” scene, or the “let’s split up and search the haunted, abandoned coal mine” mentality, this film fails to deliver any real scares, or create any attachment to the characters whatsoever.

This time around, you follow two teenagers and a journalist as they race against time to find the identity of the prank calling spook before more people die. This leads them to Taiwan, where you’re introduced to the journalist’s ex-husband… for no apparent reason whatsoever. Oh, and the journalist is plagued with flashbacks of her twin sister who died when they were children…also for no apparent reason.

As a fan of the original, I couldn’t have been more disappointed with this film. The only thing that it really had going for it was the creepy ring tone from the first film, and the design of the coal mine ghost. She was at least a little scary. There was no gore to speak of, either, eventhough the “story” would have allowed for some gratuitous violence on more than a few occasions. While it’s titled One Missed Call 2, there is no doubt the EVERYONE missed Miike! I’d have to say the most I got out of this film was a case of serious envy for Japanese high tech cell phones. Unless your brand of horror involves Shaggy and Scoobs sliding in on a banana peel, give this Stinkasaurus Rex a pass.

Evil Andy addendum: Garry and both hated this J-turd flick so much, we had to paper/rock/scissors over who was going to review it. He’s letting me hijack his review for a minute, to vent. They shoulda’ called this piece of crap One and Half Missed Hours, cause the only scary thing about it is the time you’re never getting back. Well that and the Japanese Keanu Reeves clone playing the reporter’s boyfriend.

I dug the original One Missed Call quite a bit, mainly because Miike managed to subvert a number of J-horror clichés, while at the same time satirizing cell phone culture. The sequel dispenses with these (gasp!) ideas, and replaces them with a shoddy story, that is propelled via exposition alone. Since this review hopefully convinces you to make this One Missed Movie, here’s (roughly) what you’d be missing (if you consider crapping in an outhouse “spoiling” whatever was there before, then spoilers ahead)

“The ghost from the first film is back!”

“No she’s not!”

“Hey there’s a new ghost from Taiwan who has her lips sewed shut and can kill people by speaking. Badass!”

“Actually, the new ghost is just psychic and was only foretelling deaths from a water borne plague! Waay!”

“Hey, my twin sister used a phone once when she was a kid, and then she died, and you know what, I loved it!”

“Keanu, I love you but I’m afraid of YOUR love!”

“Argh, I’m dead”

“Hey, I’m dead too”

“Hey, check out my boring death. Boo!”

“Hey, fuck you all, I’m the killer, die Keanu!”

Let me be clear, I didn’t slag this movie because I’m getting sick of J-Horror. If One Missed Call 2 came out before Ringu, there would never have been a thing called J-Horror, it’s that bad. Go see Shutter instead.

1/2 out of 5

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Jon Condit

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