Every once in a while a film can surface that is so very off the wall that no matter how many shortcomings it may have, you cannot help but love it. Zombie films for me, and for most zombie fans, are like finding a candy bar on your night stand. You don’t care how it got there, you’re just gonna eat it. To call Die You Zombie Bastards! a guilty pleasure is an understatement because it is that and so much more.
The story centers around our hero: the lovable serial killer Red Toole. Red’s not your ordinary maniac. He has a heart. Red knows how precious love can be and is known to spare victims should they appear to be truly in love. After a long day of killing he heads home to his equally insane wife Violet, and together the terrible twosome spend their time kissing, hugging, and spreading the blood of their innocent victims all over each other. Ahhhh, Americana!
Everything seems fine for our loving couple until the evil Baron Nefarious decides to kidnap Violet and turn her into one of his mindless zombie slaves to further along his hellbent plans for world domination.
Distraught over the loss of his love, Red dons a superhero outfit (complete with a cape made of human flesh and and shorts that have a dangling whithered dead penis hanging off the front) and begins to traverse the globe looking for her. Add an ancient fishman with a huge amphibious schlong and rockabilly legend Hasil Adkins to the mix, and you have a recipe for . . . for . . . for . . . well, I just don’t exactly know what you have!
I’m very particular about comedy in my horror films. Nine times out of ten it just doesn’t work for me. This film is so absurd that it ends up working perfectly without getting old. It is like a revisit to the golden age of Troma films with its gratuitous violence and well endowed nude women running around screaming for no apparent reason other than to delight legions of horny young males and some females!
The DVD itself isn’t well endowed at all, however, as the only extra seems to be a trailer. Either way, Die You Zombie Bastards! is one hell of a fun ride. One that both zombie and exploitation fans should check out.
In the immortal words of Hasil Adkins: “*insert random incoherent rockabilly babble here*”
Die You Zombie Bastards! 2005
Directed by Caleb Emerson
Starring Tim Gerstmar, Pippi Zornoza, Geoff Mosher and Jamie Gillis
3 out of 5