Tsunambee (2017)
Matt Boiselle
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Starring Stacy Pederson, Ruselis Aumeen Perry, Shale Le Page
Directed by Milko Davis
Sharks, crocodiles, apes, whales, bears…and a literal laundry list of creepy, crawly pests have been on the cinematic rampage for quite some time, and even though we’ve been subject to those flying stingers in flicks like The Deadly Bees and The Swarm, you’d better get your bug spray at the ready, because there will be no escaping the Tsunambee.
Allow me to correct myself when I say that there’s no escaping this film – actually your best escape from this colossal disaster is to never push the play button – save yourself while there’s still time. Director Milko Davis’s feature revolves around a metric crap-ton of religious reckoning and the aftereffects of a bee invasion, although these suckers aren’t your regular-sized stingers – they’re the size of small dogs and cats, and can turn panicking humans into zombie-like bee-people with one violent jab of their stingers…and no, I’m not kidding. So, there you have it: the premise of the film laid out for you in one nice, tight little sentence – no, really – there isn’t much more backbone to this horrendous display other than what I’ve given to you. There’s the Jesus-freakin’ folks, then there’s the bees (or wasps, if you will), then there’s the multitudes of victims getting wrecked by the yellow and black attack…good lord, this was miserable.
This is normally the part where I take a little bit of the good, and a little bit of the bad, and gently interweave them into a comprehensive, cohesive and descriptive exhibit of what worked for the movie and what didn’t…yeah, so that WON’T be happening in this case, however. From top to bottom, front to back, this entire watch was one of catastrophic proportions, complete with insanely wretched acting, utter ridiculousness when it came to rational thought patterns, and the most God-awful CGI that I believe I’ve ever seen under one movie’s globe – all totaling up to an absolute debacle for one’s eyes. I’m completely down for a movie that’s meant to be “bad” – and while I’ve seen my share, this film could rank as one of the worst I’ve set my spectacles on in quite some time. I’ll do everyone a huge favor and stop myself here, simply due to the fact that if I were to ramble on about everything that I couldn’t stand about this pic, I’d honestly be typing all damn day. Wonder if there’s been a film reviewed on this site that’s gotten negative stars?…well, for the sake of me being a swell guy, I’ll give this movie one, simply due to the catchy title. Other than that little gift, consider this movie a complete flush – buzz on past this at all costs.
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Film
Categorized:Reviews
