Eloise (2017)
Matt Boiselle
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Starring Eliza Dushku, Robert Patrick, Chace Crawford
Directed by Rob Legato
Greed can drive people to do some downright dumb stuff – the lust for power, status, or in the case of Rob Legato’s latest, Eloise, money is the determining factor for a man who can’t leave well enough alone…and that gluttonous desire for financial security just might be his undoing.
Let’s get right down to the bone of this (unfortunately) less-than-impressive shocker: Jacob (Crawford) is a man who’s just learned that his dearly-departed, estranged daddy has left him quite the boatload of an inheritance. His undetermined past has led him to a point where even he’s not sure what the next day will bring, but with some heavy greenbacks at his disposal, his fortune’s definitely looking up. Only issue is that he’s got to retrieve his late aunt’s death certificate to prove that he’s his pop’s last surviving relative – not so much of a problem now is it? Yeah…well here’s the hook: it turns out that Jacob’s aunt passed away in her later years while confined to a now condemned mental institution called Eloise. In all actuality, not all of the grounds have been closed off – out of the original 78 buildings, only 4 remain open, and the devious Dr. Brice (Patrick) still conducts “experiments” from time to time, and NO ONE at the institution wants to assist Jacob in his quest to acquire the certificate of death. Upon a short bit of contemplation, Jacob rounds up a small posse consisting of his best bud (Brandon Jackson), a historian (PJ Byrne) who knows quite a bit about the building’s history, and his sister (Dushku). Looking like a clandestine-stealth mission of sorts, the group makes their way to the closed off asylum to grab the documentation, and skulk out like nothing ever happened…because everything in these movies always goes off without a hitch, doesn’t it?
After the band of pals enters the institution, an otherwise evil sense of apprehension overwhelms them all, playing tricks with their minds, and generally making this simple snatch-and-grab into a complete cluster f**k. The unfortunate onus here is on both the execution between plot-direction and the non-existent scares – a double-negative for the hopes of a successful fright-flick. The characters act as if they were just tossed into the mix, and the possibility of rooting for any one of them is just not there, and while Robert Patrick is the saving grace as the demented doc, not even the T-1000 can rescue this sinking ship from the depths of obscurity. Keep your eyes peeled as this one will more than likely be lining the $5 bin of your local Wal-Mart in the near future.
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Film
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