Reviewed by Uncle Creepy
Starring Oren Skoog, Patrick Cavanaugh, James DeBello, Jennifer Lyons, Paul H. Kim, Irena A. Hoffman, Musetta Vander
Directed by David & Scott Hillenbrand
Distributed by Sony Pictures Home Entertainment
I knew this was going to be bad. Yet, no amount of expectation could prepare me for just how wretched Transylmania was. Directors David and Scott Hillenbrand apparently figured that the time was right for them to try and ride the Twilight bandwagon with their alleged comedy about college dimwits spending a semester at a Transylvanian university that used to be a vampire’s castle. The duo then renamed their flick, which was originally known as Dorm Daze 3, to Transylmania and then somehow organized a 1,000-theater release whereby it grossed a whopping $397,641. These are the facts as we know them.
I’m not going to bother writing a review for the actual film itself. If you really want to know the ins and outs, read the Foywonder’s Transylmania review here. He covered it all. I have nothing to add.
Instead, I’ve decided out of spite to build you guys a list of activities that would no doubt be more fun than ever sitting through this blundering mess of a movie.
Yep. All winners for sure and far more entertaining than Transylmania was. For those gluttons for punishment out there who will not heed my warning, the DVD is sporting an array of special features that you will never want to watch. They’re listed below if you’re at all curious. Though not a bad haul, there’s just one problem … they discuss the making of this pitiful flick, which renders them flaccid and unfunny by default. Not even the gag reel packs a single noteworthy chuckle. It’s like taking part in a science experiment to see just how vapid one film can be.
Throughout the entire time spent with this DVD, I didn’t even come close to cracking a single smile … and I’m someone who got a few laughs out of Stan Helsing. This, dear reader, is the bottom of the barrel. It truly doesn’t get much worse. Steer clear of this flick. Shun it. Avoid it like a blind Thai she-male hooker with a stinging case of priapism and really bad aim.
1/2 out of 5
2 1/2 out of 5